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Kiyome
Dedicated December 2021

Should we tell our siblings we are eloping???

Kiyome, on September 21, 2019 at 1:28 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
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Hi everybody! So my fiance and I are planning on eloping in Ireland in 2021. Our plan is to tell our parents, so they can save up enough money to go. We are going to either have a reception with close family and friends when we get back or we will do a vow renewal for our 1 year anniversary with close friends and family. I was just wondering if it would be wise to also tell my siblings we are eloping. We want it to be small and intimate which is why we were originally only going to invite parents. (I have 7 siblings😬) I have no clue how to approach this. There is a lot of drama on my side of the family between my dad and some of my siblings (Another reason we wanted to only invite parents to the elopement) my fiance has two other siblings who both live with his mom. I feel it would be hard to invite future MIL without inviting FH's siblings. Should we just invite all siblings or only FH's siblings or just explain to all of them that we will be having a celebration and/or vow renewal after that they will be invited to???

14 Comments

  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I don’t know how you would get away with your parents knowing and your siblings not finding out one way or another. I mean, I can tell when my parents aren’t telling everything and can usually put the pieces together. It is a normal thing for you to travel with your parents? If not, that’s going to be a big tell. I don’t think you have to tell your siblings, I just don’t think its going to work. And I think if you only invite one set of siblings, that’s not fair and it would start more drama than it’s worth. You could just tell them and tell them they aren’t invited since it’s an elopement. Another option would be to not tell your parents until you get there. Make it a surprise for them too. Come up with some other reason why they HAVE to come. Good luck with your planning!
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  • Kiyome
    Dedicated December 2021
    Kiyome ·
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    I also don't know how to go about eloping in 2 years without word getting out that we are getting married. Do I just not tell anyone we are eloping???
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  • Kiyome
    Dedicated December 2021
    Kiyome ·
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    Thank you so much for your advice! That's what I was thinking too. Haha. And all my siblings are scattered in different states, so I literally never see them, so that's also why I had no clue whether to tell them or not. Haha. And I rethought it and now I'm thinking maybe it will just be a surprise elopement for the parents! Haha. FH and I have been together for 7 years, so it shouldn't be too big of a deal hopefully😂🤷‍♀️
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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    I was very nervous about how my family would react to us eloping, but I'm also horrible at keeping secrets and wanted to tell everyone. Surprisingly everyone was really supportive and kept saying we should do whatever we wanted. We had been together 9 years when we eloped so I think a lot of family members were just glad we were finally making it official.

    My biggest take away from the process was to throw out other people's expectations and just do what I wanted. I had a family bridal shower and did the traditional wedding dress shopping with my mom and sisters, but we only had 6 friends (no family) at the actual ceremony. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't approve of how we did things, but the people who really care about you will understand and just want you to be happy.

    I recommend you think about what you really want, who you want to be there, etc. and not do anything or invite anyone you don't really want. Good luck!
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  • Kiyome
    Dedicated December 2021
    Kiyome ·
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    Eloping just sounds amazing! That's nice that everyone was supportive for you! Yeah and we've been together 7 years, so I'm hoping because of that, we don't have to worry about drama. FH might be the first out of his siblings to get married and he's also the first born, so I'm worried his mom will guilt trip us with the, "But it's my first baby!"Where did you elope??
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
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    From what you’re saying, I’d say parents only no siblings! But is MIL single? Could she go with a friend, or perhaps no parents because it wouldn’t be fair for only yours to go.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
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    Ireland seems amazing!!! Honestly, I’d just elope/honeymoon with my honey & do the reception for all after!
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  • Kiyome
    Dedicated December 2021
    Kiyome ·
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    No she remarried. And I don't mean that I wouldn't invite FFIL and FMIL. I just meant siblings. But we will probably just invite parents and no siblings at all. Or we won't tell anyone we are eloping and we'll just go without inviting anyone
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  • Kiyome
    Dedicated December 2021
    Kiyome ·
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    Yeah we've heard it's beautiful!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
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    Either seems like a good plan.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    That's a hard one. I'd be heartbroken if my brother did that and didn't tell me, and he would be heartbroken if I did that to him. It's hard to say about how other people would react.

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  • Future Mrs. Polar Bear
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    You want only parents, so I'd say only do parents. You do what you want.

    We had planned a wedding and then decide to ELOPE who what some people call have a "micro wedding" instead and 6 months earlier than planned. We told our families and friends and just said, sorry this is what works for us and what we want to do. Our parents were completely supportive and our family and friends understood. They all made some jokes but it was all good in the end. And it was the best! no regrets...except 1...we brought our dog with cause he was the best man, and we ended up having him stay at our cabin instead of giong to the wedding site because we heard there was bears etc...i was worried for him, so i regret not having him come to the site because it would have been fine..i did get one photo at home though with him in his best man outfit Smiley smile and I still have it, so I can do some photoshop later if needed, ha!

    GOOD LUCK!

    Should we tell our siblings we are eloping??? 1


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  • Saki
    Dedicated October 2019
    Saki ·
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    I understand your situation, we really reallllly wanted to elope and FH would have just done it, but I wanted my parents there and I just felt so bad not telling my siblings, so we are having a micro-wedding with 16 guests total. I didn't really expect my siblings to come, but I felt like they would be mad if I didn't at least tell them, and once I told them, I just could not bring myself to not invite them... and now they're all coming. There is drama on FH's side, so he ended up not inviting anyone except his sister and one cousin. I don't have any advice, just wanted to commiserate.

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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I strongly urge you to be upfront about your decision. You don't have to invite your siblings, but not to tell them at all is a slap in the face. My sister recently had a courthouse wedding, which she tried to keep secret. She didn't tell anyone including our parents. They were married on Sunday and the truth came out on Tuesday when I looked up their marriage license online. There were a lot of hurt feelings exacerbated by the fact that she had been actively deceptive about the marriage when asked. I honestly don't believe that you'll be able to keep it a secret, no matter how careful you are and I think it's very likely to blow up. I don't know your family, so maybe it'll go down differently for you. If you really don't want to invite them, that's absolutely fine. But I think a sibling deserves to have that decision explained to them.

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