N
VIP November 2010

Should the couple give the gifts back?

Nan-sayy, on September 19, 2010 at 8:30 PM Posted in Planning 0 28
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So we went to a wedding on aug this year and the couple threw a big backyard wedding about 300 ppl. The couple recieved lots of gifts now we were just informed a week ago that they were not together anymore he asked us not to ask but not sure if they are getting the marriage annulled not sure I spelled that right or a divorce they only lasted 1 month!!!! so everyone I tell this to says they should give the gifts back and thats what I think too but what usually happens in this case ? Im curious obviously im not going to ask for mine back but Im curious have you ever seen this and what happened?

28 Comments

Latest activity by SARAH, on August 5, 2016 at 8:25 PM
  • Lacy
    Master October 2017
    Lacy ·
    • Flag

    To my knowledge, you are only supposed to return the gifts if you CANCEL the wedding, not if you get married and a few months later you divorce.

    • Reply
  • TriSARAtops
    VIP June 2011
    TriSARAtops ·
    • Flag

    Not to sound rude (really, I'm not a mean person, I swear!) but why does it matter?

    • Reply
  • N
    VIP November 2010
    Nan-sayy ·
    • Flag

    Im curious thats all

    • Reply
  • starlette7886
    VIP December 2011
    starlette7886 ·
    • Flag

    Anybody know what Miss Manners says about this one?

    • Reply
  • R
    Dedicated September 2010
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I think it depends.... if I was in their shoes and had already opened up the gift and used it, I wouldn't give it back. And as a guest, I wouldn't want a used gift returned. If it is unused, I think I would return it.

    • Reply
  • TriSARAtops
    VIP June 2011
    TriSARAtops ·
    • Flag

    After stalking the internet, I don't know that Miss Manners has written on this exact thing, though she's touched on a few other annulment issues. It seems to be the People of the Web like the idea of sending the gifts back with a note informing of the breakup.

    • Reply
  • TriSARAtops
    VIP June 2011
    TriSARAtops ·
    • Flag

    WAIT NO!!!! Miss Manners DID say something! If the couple never lived together and their marriage was annuled, the gifts should be returned. However, if the couple gets divorced they do not return the gifts.

    Not sure what to do if it's been annuled but they've lived together.

    And I appologize for my annoying caps and excessive use of exclaimation points, I know that bothers some of you. I was just pretty excited to find it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • starlette7886
    VIP December 2011
    starlette7886 ·
    • Flag

    I saw that same forum, and decided to google the issue. I found a manners blog that touched on this. It read as follows:

    Any couple who annuls or divorces within 12 months of marriage should return UN-USED gifts to the individual(s) who gave the gift.

    • Reply
  • L. Turtle
    VIP August 2011
    L. Turtle ·
    • Flag

    That's frustrating, but in a way I think the gift is like your ticket into the wedding - you're basically paying for your plate (or you should be, and I am baffled that some people don't even show up with a gift as some people on here have testified). Thus, if you drank the wine and ate the cake, the gift is really not yours anymore.

    • Reply
  • N
    VIP November 2010
    Nan-sayy ·
    • Flag

    Wow you ladies are good!!! what out! next time I need answers for a test I know where Im comming lol

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Yady
    VIP November 2010
    Mrs. Yady ·
    • Flag

    Well, people still attended the wedding, ate, partied and so on.. the wedding took place and even though they did not last as long as everyone else expected.. they did get married.

    • Reply
  • TriSARAtops
    VIP June 2011
    TriSARAtops ·
    • Flag

    6) All gifts, even shower gifts, must be returned if the wedding is cancelled or annulled before living together as a married couple.

    So shower gifts go back too...

    • Reply
  • N
    VIP November 2010
    Nan-sayy ·
    • Flag

    Wow this is all so interesting thanks ladies its all interesting to know I hope they go to counseling though 1 month is pretty quick to call it quits

    • Reply
  • Cabell
    Master May 2010
    Cabell ·
    • Flag

    I've previously heard that gifts should be returned if a marriage ends within a year, but I don't remember the source.



    Regardless of the decision one makes on this issue, though, I really hate the idea that gifts are "payment" for wedding attendance. I wouldn't want to even go to a wedding, with or without a gift, if I knew the couple thought of it in those terms.

    • Reply
  • Cabell
    Master May 2010
    Cabell ·
    • Flag

    (I know Miss Manners agrees with me on that--thanks for getting her input on this issue, as well, IATFT5S. Smiley laugh )

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I think the couple should return the gifts, but I can understand them not. They probably just got rid of any duplicates of stuff, and now have to split everything back up. It's a sad situation.

    I'd let it go and be there for emotional support for both of them.

    • Reply
  • Shannon S.
    Master March 2011
    Shannon S. ·
    • Flag

    I'm with Meghan - they probably should give things back, but I hope nobody starts clamoring for their gifts. Money should definitely be given back.

    I'd say when it falls apart that quickly, one or both people realized they made a huge mistake. Better to know that now, than 25 years later.

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
  • amore101
    Devoted July 2010
    amore101 ·
    • Flag

    I know most won't agree with me but I think it's ridiculous to expect a couple to send their gift back to you with a note explaining that they broke up. It's not anyone's business if their marriage didn't work. You bought the gift to help them celebrate their marriage. You didn't buy it thinking "Ok, now you only get to keep this if you stay together for a year or more!" That's just silly.

    • Reply
  • starlette7886
    VIP December 2011
    starlette7886 ·
    • Flag

    Amore, I totally agree with you and Cabell's viewpoints.

    1) A couple should never expect anything from anyone they invite to their wedding, and a gift is certainly NOT an admission ticket into a wedding or vow renewal. If someone handed me a gift and said something to the effect of "It's the least I can do for you paying for my food and drink," I would graciously hand them BACK the gift and tell them that if their reason for gifting my husband and I on our renewal day was to offset the cost of their attendance rather than the ONLY reason they should be gifting us (because they love us and are truly happy for us), then I don't want the gift...period.

    2) I would never expect a gift back from someone that I had given a gift to (for any occasion) and I certainly wouldn't expect someone to ask for their gift back if after my renewal DH and I split. (which I haighly doubt would happen)

    I was merely stating what I had found online in a manners board.

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