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Jrobynm
Just Said Yes June 2022

Should i ask my fiancés best man's wife to be a bridesmaid?

Jrobynm, on March 5, 2022 at 10:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 13
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Hi all, just seeking advice... should I ask my fiance's best man's wife to be a bridesmaid?

My fiancé has a best friend from elementary school that will be his best man at the wedding. He and his wife just got married last year. I was a bridesmaid for their wedding while my fiancé was a groomsman.


But truth be told... we aren't very close friends... we hang out often due to our SOs, but I can't seem to get along with her. We are both significantly different in our interests and personalities. I just have a hard time making a genuine connection with her. I also had a hard time connecting with her and her bridesmaids at her wedding.


To give an example, I am an elementary school teacher. I nerd out over little things and don't care to be awkward and goofy. On the other hand, she is the head CEO of her parents' company. She is a more reserved, serious person and her interests lie in business, stocks, politics, sports, and reality TV. In general, we have a very hard time making conversation when it is only the 2 of us in a room... I just feel like it's hard for me to make a genuine connection with her.


Lastly, she has made some comments about my style and interests, which have came across as slightly degrading to me. For example, my name is "Jenny," but she calls me "Jen" because "Jenny is the name you are called when you're still a child." She also has commented on my style that I "don't dress my age" since I love wearing skirts, bows, and headbands (hey, I'm a teacher, remember? :p )


Anyways, I just feel like I am almost immature to her, so I have a hard time feeling comfortable with her.


I guess at the end of the day, we just don't really vibe together. And since this is the case, I can't see her getting along with my bridesmaids who are my close friends since elementary/high school...


But my fiancé says I should really consider making her a bridesmaid since 1) we were part of her wedding party, 2) since it is his best man's wife, and 3) we're most likely going to spend our futures together.

I know what I feel in my heart and mind, but I just wanted to reach out for opinions as to what you think I should do...

13 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on March 6, 2022 at 11:10 PM
  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    I think you answered your own question. Your BMs should be those nearest and dearest. You should not feel obligated to make her a BM just because you were in her wedding.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag
    Easy No. Tell you fiancé you’ve considered it but that your bridal party will consist of your nearest and dearest relationships, not significant others of his friends.

    • Reply
  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    Don't try to force it. If you ask her out of obligation, you will regret it. Go with your gut and look forward to having her as a guest, not a bridesmaid. You can still make sure she's invited to your bach party and bridal shower. And since her husband is the best man, she'll be invited to the rehearsal dinner. So it's not like she'll be completely excluded.
    • Reply
  • Jen
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jen ·
    • Flag
    I think if your fiancé wants her involved he can ask her to stand on his side and be part of the grooms party. Based on what you shared, I think it would not be best to ask her to be a bridesmaid.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Devoted February 2023
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I’m in almost nearly the same situation as you, BUT my fiancé’s friend’s wife and I get along terrific. I can see us becoming even closer over the years, so it makes sense for me to have her as a bridemaid. That’s the difference. I would say you should not ask her if you feel obligated.
    • Reply
  • Bird
    Expert June 2021
    Bird ·
    • Flag
    My husband was in a wedding and all the groomsmen’s wives were bridesmaids except me. I had no issue with it becuse I wasn’t close with the bride. I was actually happy I could just do my own thing the morning of the wedding.
    • Reply
  • D
    Just Said Yes April 2023
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
    I’d say no. If you do have bachelorette party, you could invite her to that if you want to extend something to make her feel included. I’ve been to plenty of those not being a bridesmaid. But it sounds like she may even be a damper on your day there. Remember, it’s your day, do what makes you happ
    • Reply
  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
    • Flag

    You are under no obligation to be friends with your fiance's best friend's wife.

    "But my fiancé says I should really consider making her a bridesmaid since 1) we were part of her wedding party, 2) since it is his best man's wife, and 3) we're most likely going to spend our futures together."

    1) You are not obligated to reciprocate having someone in your wedding party.

    2) So? As Jen said, if he feels she should be in the wedding party she can stand on his side.

    3) This concept drives me crazy. Me Ex used to pull this on me with his friend's wife. I didn't not like her, we just had nothing in common and weren't friends. Just because they are a twosome, doesn't mean that you have to be a foursome. If you are friends, great. If not, there's no reason for him to force her on you. They can still be friends, and you and his wife can be acquaintances. Have dinner on occasion, maybe see a movie together, but "spend your futures together"? No. Sorry. Time for an attitude adjustment on his part.

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the pp who mentioned that you and this other woman could be acquaintances without being friends. I think this is the most mature way of handling these types of situations. You can be friendly, cordial, and tolerant when the four of you are together without needing a forced friendship.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    You're not obligated to have her in the wedding party. Sounds like it's best for her to attend as a guest.

    • Reply
  • Altman
    Savvy May 2022
    Altman ·
    • Flag
    If y’all aren’t friends like that, no. It’s your wedding. Ppl will be upset no matter what you do sooooo do you.
    • Reply
  • Altman
    Savvy May 2022
    Altman ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly 👏🏽👏🏽 Just bc her husband is in the wedding doesn’t make her automatically get a spot in the wedding as well.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    If you are not BFFs do not ask her. That role is for your closest innermost support system, not random people. That includes not asking in laws, former friends, etc you are not super close to. Many people prefer to be guests with no responsibility beyond enjoying themselves.
    • Reply

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