Should I announce NOT changing my name?

I fortunately didn't get any personalized gifts, but I do still have people who assume and I do gently correct them. I get that this very annoying (it reallyyyyyyy is...), but I think correcting each person individually would work better than FB and they will be more likely to remember. My H's mom still can't get my name right and to be honest it drives me crazy bc he claims to have told her multiple times but I will just keep gently pointing it out. I also address all cards with my full name which is a great way to get the point across as well. I also feel very very strongly about this decision so I completely understand these frustrations

I didn't change my name. No aspect of the wedding had "Mr. & Mrs. X" on it (DJ/officiant announcements, signage, etc), I didn't change it on Facebook, and both invites and thank you cards had our own names on the return address. It didn't make the slightest difference. EVERYONE still calls me and/or addresses letters as "Mrs. Him" and yes, it bothers me. I've started to slowly correct people, but it's taxing, and the opportunity doesn't always come up. When I got the invitation to my brother's wedding it was addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Him" and I actually wrote on the RSVP "FYI I legally and socially still go by Ms. MyName" and added the condescending smiley face lol. I kind of feel like I want to make a snarky Facebook announcement, but to be honest it probably still wont make a difference.

I was surprised how many people started posting on my social media "waiting for the name change" a couple days after we were married. I found it so stupid! I have not changd my last name and while I plan to do so eventually, I am in no rush to. I understand your frustration with people being nosey! I don't think it's necessary to announce it, I would just correct people when they don't call you by your proper name.

Older generation? My parents have been happily married 40 years and my mother didn't change her last name. Neither did my uncle's wife.

My grandmothers are both in their 90s ; they would never assume a newly married woman would change their last name.

Surprisingly enough, the first (wrongly) personalized gift we got was from a younger couple that just got married a couple months before us! Most of my friends and family know how strongly I felt against changing (the one friend that pointed out the DJ announcement was shocked when she heard it). It's mostly his family/friends that are assuming/questioning, but they do tend to be much more traditional. But...I just got a wedding invitation from my cousin addressed to us as "Mr. & Mrs. [Groom's first/last]" which is even more annoying :-P

Glad I'm not the only one frustrated with this!

I have a friend who got married not too long before we did, and when I saw that she didn't change her name on FB I asked if she was keeping her maiden name and she said she was. It's unfortunate people just assume, as I would much rather confirm and address someone how they'd prefer.

I would just wait until it comes up. I know it's annoying, but if you continue to keep your last name on everything, Christmas cards, Facebook, etc. I think they will eventually get it or at least ask?

I didn't change my name, I just tell people if it comes up in conversation. To be honest some people to send to Mr and Mrs john smith but it doesn't bother me. Like my cousins FH, she sent out invites for thier wedding recently it had DHs surname, I know fine well she'll use his surname for both of us for the seating plan too. I could say something but I'm not that pushed. The same happened at DHs cousins wedding last summer. People just assume though unless you are talking to them. I go into a few schools to teach music, the secretaries very thoughtful asked me if I'd be changing my name, I presume it was for the schools records though.

I am changing my name but I'm worried about people not remembering to call me Mrs (FHs long Italian name lol). So I can see either way how it would be annoying. In your situation, I probably would do something on social media if you have all of these people making mistakes on your friends list. You could always share an article that's related and explain your thoughts on the topic.

Something like this:

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5172581

I feel like that would get the point across instead of making an announcement.

It is not an erroneous assumption. Sorry. It's just not. It's the norm. You went out of the norm. That's fine for you. But don't be butt hurt when others make a proper, and legitimate assumption.

Let it go.

I'm keeping my last name. But if people refer to me socially as Mrs O, I won't be offended. It is a social norm and I think you make a bigger deal out of it when you keep calling attention to it. My groom is perfectly ok with me not taking his name, but if I ran around insisting that I am not Mrs O, I do think it would hurt his feelings eventually.

Not the norm? Proper? WTH? It's not the dark ages.

When my parents married in the late 1970s my Mom did research and last name changing was only required in one state; If she remembers correctly, it was Hawaii.

LOL, someone doesn't understand the definition of "erroneous."

@Alforev- thanks, good article

She's not being butt hurt, she's asking people to use her fucking name. Ugh.

Since the wedding is over, I don't think you're likely to receive anymore monogrammed gifts. If you want, you could post some pics on facebook or something with the caption "Mata Brown and Atam Nworb getting Panera together for the first time as a married couple" or whatever, but I don't think most people would even notice. I think just keep signing your name to correspondence and answering clearly when people ask. They'll get it.

Maybe sign your thank you notes with both of your full names?

It's not necessary to announce .

@kayla, it most definitely is an erroneous assumption. They are assuming she changed her name and they are wrong, therefore that is the very definition of erroneous assumption.

It's not being butt hurt to expect people to address you by your proper name. Norms are changing and have been for a very, very long time. Women not taking their husband's last name is not even a new thing. It would be proper for those people to check before making assumptions.

The customized gifts all arrived after we married. We also announced that we're moving in a month and suggested that people hold off on sending gifts until after that, so I'd say at least half our guests are doing that.

This is so commonplace these days that I don't feel that an announcement is necessary. Plus, social media (especially Facebook) is so widely used that people would soon notice that there hadn't been a change to your name.

I also think that this information can possibly be communicated through a wedding hashtag (although not necessarily). I will be taking my fiance's last name and for that reason I think we'd use that last name in our wedding hashtag.