severely overweight bridesmaid

First of all, stop being so hard on yourself. I know you are way more critical on yourself than anyone else would ever be. If you friend was concerned about your weight, she wouldn't have asked you. Be healthy for yourself, not because you are concerned about what other people will think of you.

Jayne, I hear you. I weighted close to 300 pounds 10 years ago (I had gastric bypass surgery) and my mom and sister were both thin and I hated being next to them in pictures, etc. Please take heart, your friend wants you in her wedding because you are very important to her, not how you look. I think the right dress (with the right undergarments and maybe Spanx) will really help you look good. Hugs to you and hang in there, I'm sure you'll look beautiful!

Own your curves! If she let's you pick you're own style dress find one that makes you feel sassy and beautiful! Don't worry about their frames (I know that is easy to say). just make sure you accept your body and curves.

If the bride had an issue with your weight then she wouldn't have asked you to be in her wedding. Sounds like the only person who has a problem with you is you. There is so much more to you than your dress size and the sooner you realize that the happier you life will be. Be kind to yourself.

I was in a wedding last year and there was only an MOH and me. I am significantly heavier than the MOH and it didn't matter. I plan on dropping several (like 50) lbs for my own wedding, but I felt beautiful at that wedding anyway. Don't be so hard on yourself.

She picked you because you are her friend, I doubt your weight has anything to do with it. Enjoy the moment with friends and stop being so critical of yourself. You are beautiful!

Jayne, I just remembered something. I have a cousin who is tiny (like she was a size 0 before she had her daughter) and she said she always envied my chest and curves. As women, I think we all have parts of ourselves we don't like or wish we could change. You must be a beautiful person for someone to care so much that she has honored you with the request for you to be in her wedding!

I've always been the heaviest one - in every wedding I was in. At the time it bothered me (really, really bothered me) and looking back, I looked good regardless of the weight.

I'm currently at the heaviest I've been in 12 years - I weigh close to 300 - and that makes me nervous. However, there's nothing I can do between now and the wedding to make a drastic enough change, so I'm just going with the flow (and thinking my wedding photos will be the "before" photos if I get back on the health kick I was 12 years ago).

What I would do is definitely speak up when you're trying on dresses. I know that the bride ultimately will decide, but hopefully the bride is awesome enough to keep your feelings important. My sister is the heaviest BM, and I let her choose the dress because of it. When my best friend got married, I was the heaviest and she let me choose the dress.

If the others want strapless, ask if you can wear a stole. Halters look good on heavier girls (better than strapless)

And focus on your shape as much as possible. I have a smaller waist and a big butt, so sheaths are never a good idea for me. I need an A-line. But I know a girl who is really heavy up top but has tiny legs - she can get away with a sheath.

Don't do anything crazy or drastic. Focus on what you do like about you. Good luck!

By the way, this is me, almost 300, in my wedding dress. It's a size 24, and fits perfectly.

@Jayne don't be so hard on yourself! Confidence speaks volumes and just make sure when it comes to dress shopping that you let your friend know what works for your body.

@Erica your dress is stunning! It's so pretty and flirty. You look amazing in it!

First of all...LOVE YOUR CURVES! Second your friend chose you for your personality not for your weight. Im 5'4 and 170 pounds. I purchased a size 16 dress and wasnt ashamed of it. My sister is in my wedding and 130 pounds, I could care less. I am however changing my diet and switching to water only because I have been feeling so sluggish. You have to be comfortable with you, and not care what others think.. and NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF, YOUR ONE OF A KIND!

@erica- still loving our short dresses! You look amazing in your dress!

Im sad you are feeling this way. Your bride did not ask you to be a BM for the way you look or for the way you think you look. Embrace your curves and you will find a beautiful dress. I have seen some stunning brides (people in general) that are heavy and I think wow...they look beautiful. I don't think your issue will be solved by losing weight. I hope you feel better!

Erica, you look gorgeous! I love that dress!

Your friend wants you in the bridal party because she loves you, not because you look a certain way. Be healthy, be gorgeous and enjoy the wedding!

First and foremost let me just say, big is beautiful! Regardless of what the dress makers say or media says, human beings are made in all sizes! This is why clothes are made from sizes 0-26+. While it is hard for most plus-size women to believe, it is true. What matters most is that you are loved and loving to your friend(s) on that day. Your size is insignificant. If it makes you feel better to lose weight, go for it. If you are only going to be anxious and frantically trying to lose weight, then focus on what is making you happiest about your friends nuptials. Either way, my biggest piece of advice is rock them curves and shake that thang on the dance floor at that wedding!

Okay, firstly, stressing about it isn't going to help your weight or your psyche so take a deep breath and exhale!

If you and the other bridesmaid are entirely different weight, I think you can safely assume that weight was not an issue when you were chosen as the bridesmaid. All my bridesmaids are different heights and weights and I chose them because I love them.

I wouldn't worry during your dress fitting. If you lose weight further down the line, you can always have the dress re-adjusted.

And don't call yourself a 'whale' next to them. That type of negativity is really bad for you. If it helps, people won't be staring at your anyway...they'll be staring at the bride.

I agree with @TiffyBK. I can definitely understand not being the weight you would like, but the best thing you can do at the wedding is enjoy yourself. There are some beautiful, flattering BM dresses! You are going to look gorgeous!

Ditto to what the other ladies said, but since no one has addressed the shopping experience itself, I'm going to suggest a couple of things:

1. talk to the bride about your concerns *beforehand*. I realize this can be an embarrassing conversation to have, but it will be much better if you can talk this out beforehand rather than trying to go through the shopping day only to have a meltdown in the store.

2. ask the bride is you can look through some styles *before* the visit to the store so that you can talk about what kind of styles you feel more comfortable in, and what you feel you really couldn't wear. Obviously she gets the final say, but if you could come to some kind of agreement beforehand of certain elements that could be avoided (e.g., I know a lot of larger chested women feel very uncomfortable in strapless sweetheart dresses), then you will save a lot of time and stress when you are actually in the store.

3. When you finally are at the store and trying on styles, contin

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3. When you finally are at the store and trying on styles, ask that you not be put in the same exact style as the other BM at the same time. It will be a lot harder for you to compare yourself to her if you aren't literally standing next to each other in the exact same dress. If the bride decides on a top choice, and wants to see how you both look in it at the same time, okay, but until then you should be trying different styles.

Your friend loves you and while I'm sure she has an idea for your dress in mind, there's no chance she wants you to feel hurt or self conscious or uncomfortable. Just try to talk to her privately beforehand so that you can avoid any unnecessary stress for anyone when you're in the bridal shop. ((big hugs)) and good luck!

First of all, you are gorgeous! And your size doesn't matter, that is not why the bride picked you to be in her wedding party. And do not dread going dress shopping, pick something that looks absolutely fabulous on you and own it! I am not a skinny girl, but because of how I dress, everybody assumes that I am a lot smaller than the scale indicates. With the right dress you will look just as fabulous and gorgeous as your less curvy counterpart! Love your body just the way it is because you are a beautiful person inside and out!