Serving Minimal Alcohol at a Wedding

@Shannon S., you're awesome.

May I call you Spam?

Go for it. I used to have a different avatar, but this crazyazz Bridezilla! (seriously, that was her screenname) kept saying I wasn't allowed to comment on her threads because I'm spam. Ergo, Spam Man avatar.

Wowza Spam. crazyazz Bridezilla! Are you serious? Why did she think you were spam exactly?

@Kirra C- if dry weddings are a norm in your circle that's one thing. But remember that you're hosting a party. That's really all a wedding reception is. So you have to host your guests properly. Even my mom, who is the most uptight non-drinker on the planet, will have a sip of champagne at a wedding. It makes her feel fancy.

@Kris S. I agree, and I would never want any of my guests to feel uncomfortable. I should probably also add that We have multiple pastoral staff members in our family lol and what is right for us may not be right for everyone! We are opting for a hot cocoa bar for our winter wedding and lots of christmas candies to go with.

Shannon...TRUTH comes from your mouth as always!!! I agree totally!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much foragreeing with me

I hate that it is your day bull too the ceremony is your day not the reception ... the reception is for the guests not so much just the bride and groom!!!

Again thanks for agreeing with me! You brighten my day as always!

Awww, the love.

@kirra I am an ordained minister who is having alcohol at her wedding so in reality yeah I get the whole holy thing BUT even my pastor drinks Sam Adams so that makes us bad people being ordained and drinkers??? God even made wine from water so that makes him an alcoholic?

@Kirra C, that's funny, my dad's a pastor and we have lots of pastors in the family too. They're all dry most of the time, but they all like a good cognac or sweet wine on a special occasion. You're right, you just really have to know your audience (REALLY know, not assume) and do what's right for you. That's very different than what Tori was talking about, IMO.

I love your idea of the hot cocoa bar. That sounds soooo good. Are you going to have different kinds of cocoa or marshmallows?....

@Melissa F., nope, I don't think you're bad I don't think anyone who drinks is bad or that drinking in itself is bad at all. Just our particular pastors don't drink. We've even discussed drinking and many have said it's not a bad thing, it's just not allowed within the bylaws for various reasons, so they adhere.

@kris s., We are going to have peppermint sticks and different marshmallows and shakers with different spices and things any ideas are welcome too. Different cocoas is something I hadn't thought of, but I will now!

I would say if it is not a financial constraint to pay for the bar, having an open bar would be a nice gesture. Since you said many of your guest don't drink, maybe a consumption bar would be cheaper for you. I have to agree with what others have said that just because there is a bar does not mean that most, if any, of your guests will get hammered and ruin your wedding. Having some alcohol available, however, will accommodate your guests that would like to drink and will also loosen people up for dancing and allow your guests to have more fun at your reception - which is the ultimate goal!

I would also like to point out that anyone who wants to get falling down drunk will do so - whether you have a cash bar, open bar, or no bar (people will bring flasks - I've seen it done). Just have faith in your guests, provide SOME kind of free alcohol and I'm willing to bet that your day will be wonderful, and you won't have any bad memories of drunkards or inappropriate behavior.

I think what you have is fine. I'm sorry to say I couldn't afford to do that much so we have sweet and unsweet tea, coffee and wine at ours. I wish we could afford to do more. I went to several weddings with just wine though and it seemed to suit everyone just fine.

1/2 Thanks for all the comments guys! To follow up... energy drinks would be something that would be more popular amongst my friends, and would be signature only because anyone who knows me knows that I almost always have one in my hand (I'm a student, intern, and work 2 jobs. Sleep is rarely an option). But I do recognize that many people do not enjoy them, they would certainly not be choice amongst my future father-in-law's business partners. However, my big concern is the number of people in both of our families who are known to have alcohol problems. We can't not invite them (His mother is one of them) but I can't envision a scenario where they don't get so drunk that they make a scene. I don't think everyone at my wedding is going to get drunk, but I also don't want the stress of policing the family members who are incapable of holding themselves together when they drink.

2/3 Ultimately its no secret amongst our friends or families as to why my FH and I don't drink, and the more I have thought about it, the more I think that they would fully understand why we are not serving large amounts of booze at the wedding. Point is... If I was drunk I wouldn't care what anyone else was doing.

What I think I'm going to do is put the Dads in charge of it! They're both people who can handle their alcohol, they know me and the FH's situation, and they know the family situation. Plus, they're the only people who would be inviting anyone who would care about the availability of alcohol at the wedding.

Also, I don't think anyone who drinks is bad (except me, when I drink its a complete disaster). But I also don't believe that alcohol is the only way someone can have a good time. Also, if someone was coming to my house, they wouldn't find beer in fridge, so I couldn't charge them for it anyway. But all of our friends and family know that as well...

I liked your original idea; wine and beer, maybe a signature drink like lemonade and vodka, and call it a day. Don't do a cash bar, don't do the energy drinks, do coffee, tea and sodas.

It's the best way, and it really won't cost you very much. I do many, many weddings in the NY/NJ area, where a cash bar just isn't done (regional thing, so let's not wail on that) and wine/beer/soda/sig seems to work just fine. It's a great compromise.

3/3... no one comes to our home expecting alcohol. Anyone who come over here knows we don't keep it here, and wouldn't expect it. We're not uptight, believe me, and we don't care if anyone else drinks (sans the few family members who become public safety hazards when they drink) but drinking does make me uncomfortable. And this will probably be one of the few parties I ever throw that serves alcohol. And I guess its not necessarily that I want my reception all my way, but at minimum I don't want to be uncomfortable. I guess there just needs to be a balanced solution that keeps everyone happy and me comfortable.

Do what makes you comfortable Its about You and FH.... I have similar issues with some relatives who cant handle drinking without getting dumb and doing stupid stuff. I dont plan to get drunk cause I want to remember such a special day. I think your plans sound great.. Im with you on this..

Providing alcohol has nothing to do with being a gracious host. This may be the first party you throw as a couple, but it is still YOUR party. You are planning it, paying for it, and it is 100% up to you what you decide to serve. Any gracious guest will respect your choice.