Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes October 2022

Sensitive Wedding Date

Priscilla, on March 14, 2021 at 4:08 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 16

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hey everyone,

Like many couples, my fiancé and I have had to postpone our wedding TWICE thanks to COVID-19.
We decided on October 23rd, 2022 in hopes that it will be safe to gather by then. The number 23 is very special to us and we were excited at having an October wedding, as we were told before this date was booked in previous years.
The trouble is, one of my best friends and my fiancé’s groomsman suffered the sudden loss of his beloved mother on October 22nd, 2020.
We rescheduled the wedding before this happened but we are having doubts about the appropriateness of this date. I am afraid to ask my close friend about us moving the date (I.e October 15th). I do not want to upset him nor do I want him to feel obligated to decline our offer out of politeness or “consideration.”
Any advice on how to handle this delicate situation?

Flag
Hide content

16 Comments

Latest activity by Melody, on March 15, 2021 at 6:12 PM

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on March 14, 2021 at 4:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't change your date. Offer your condolences and continue planning. Life does go on, the same with Sept 11 and Dec 7. If he feels he needs to back out to grieve, he will let you know. Most people understand that the world continues to spin despite past events they have experienced.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on March 14, 2021 at 4:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't change your date. It might give him something positive to focus on around that time period rather than his mom's sudden death.
- Reply
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 14, 2021 at 4:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with PPs that I wouldn’t move it. It’s very unfortunate, but it doesn’t fall on the same day and he will have the day to do something in her memory if he so chooses. I would give him grace if you’re planning to have a rehearsal dinner the night before though.
- Reply
Expert September 2020
Amanda · on March 14, 2021 at 4:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would not move your date and draw more attention to it.
- Reply
Master July 2019
Hannah · on March 14, 2021 at 4:52 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your wedding is 2 years after the loss of his mother. I think you're fine as is.
- Reply
Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 14, 2021 at 4:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn’t move it either but that’s super considerate of you to be mindful of it
- Reply
Master April 2021
Michelle · on March 14, 2021 at 5:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely don’t change your date. It sounds like that would be more painful to them knowing you changed your date because of these circumstances.
- Reply
Expert May 2022
Molly · on March 14, 2021 at 6:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you love the number date, I would go for it!
- Reply
Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on March 14, 2021 at 7:24 PM
Flag

Hide content
I probably wouldn't change the date if I were in your situation
- Reply
Devoted May 2021
Ally · on March 14, 2021 at 7:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
Its not the same date, and you postponed it before his mother passed away. I think it would be polite to reach out and see how he feels about it. Direct communication goes a long way, but the farthest I would go with it is to say that he doesnt need to participate in the wedding anymore if it will be too upsetting for him. I dont think you need to move the date.
- Reply
Super July 2023
Eniale · on March 14, 2021 at 8:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
As someone who also suddenly lost a parent recently: I wouldn't move the date.
It is very sweet that you are concerned. You clearly love this friend very much.
This loss is still very fresh, but by the time your wedding comes, it won't be. I won't say "time heals" because I don't know if that's true. But he will not always feel the way he does right now.
If you do want to discuss it with him, I would wait. He is still in the deeper throes of grief - this 5-6 month time, for me, was one of the rougher times. If you can give him until August or so before you ask, it would be good. Then, I wouldn't "ask", per se. I would gently discuss it with him. Something along the lines of, "I know this time of year is significant to you, and I want to make sure you are comfortable." Asking outright if you should change your date puts the onus on him to give you an answer. Instead, open the floor to him and let him guide the conversation. This way, you're letting him know that you are sensitive to how he is feeling, and he is free to tell you honestly.
- Reply
Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on March 14, 2021 at 8:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
Keep your date. We postponed from 10/10/20 to 10/30/21. Well, the anniversary of my maternal grandmother’s death is on 10/30 (our new wedding date). It crossed my mind but I know that my grandmother would be very happy about our wedding. Additionally, I called my mom when we postponed and told her about the new date and she was totally fine with it as well. Dates will always be tricky whether it’s near a birthday, an anniversary, a holiday or a death. But life still goes on and will drive ourselves crazy trying to pick the “perfect“ date that does not overlap something else.
- Reply
VIP June 2019
Hanna · on March 14, 2021 at 8:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't change your date
- Reply
Master May 2020
Kari · on March 15, 2021 at 2:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't change your date. You can certainly (privately) acknowledge the loss of a close friend's loved one, particularly if you do a rehearsal dinner or other wedding event on that date itself. It will likely be nice for your friend to have something positive to look forward to and focus on on that day.
- Reply
VIP November 2021
Allie · on March 15, 2021 at 3:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think this is really sweet of you to be considering, but I wouldn't change your date. My step-grandfather passed away on November 13th in 2020 and our wedding is November 12th of this year. My grandmother made a comment about how she might have a hard time celebrating because it's so close and I told her that he wouldn't want her sitting around at home crying over his loss. He'd want her to be out living her life, smiling and enjoying herself. The same goes for pretty much any loved one I think.
I've also been a guest at a wedding on the anniversary date of my grandfather's death. I was NOT happy about going to it at first, if I'm being honest, but it's because it was for a distant friend of my FH and I had never met these people. Once I was there I was glad we went, we had a great time. His friends turned out to be old souls and liked 50s and 60s music and played one of his favorite songs, so I excused myself for that and sat outside with my FH and I did shed at tear at that point, but to me it felt like he was there with me telling me it was okay to be having a good time. I shed a tear for that reason, because it was such a special moment to know that he is always with me. So keep your date, celebrate and I'm sure they'll appreciate having something to keep their minds busy as well.
- Reply

Expert April 2021
Melody · on March 15, 2021 at 6:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
I love your thought process and consideration, but I would suggest keeping that date since it's important to you. My grandma passed suddenly on May 3, 2014. On May 3, 2015 I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Yes, I was a bit sad that morning, but being there for a friend on an incredibly important day for her was worth it. I took a minute in the morning to pray and grieve alone and then spent the rest of the day celebrating. Once the festivities got going it was easier to be in the moment and I'm really glad I was able to be where I was.
- Reply