Sending invites after someone dies

Just put her name on it. She knows you know and probably doesn't want to be obviously reminded he's not with her anymore.

I would just put her name on it.

Just her name. She wont think you forgot about him.

Thanks. I’ll just put her name. That’s what I was planning on doing, but she then posted on social media how much she misses him & I started second guessing myself.

I would put just her name, but still address her as Mrs. that way you are still acknowledging her as a married lady. I also had this happen to me and this is what we decided to do.

View Quoted Comment Thank you - I will do that.

I just want to say how sweet you are for being so considerate toward her!

I would wait a bit. If her husband just died a couple weeks ago, she needs healing time before being invited to a wedding. Talk to family members to gadge how she is doing. She might not be in a celebratory state of mind when your wedding comes around. It might be too painful. Give her a month or so. Short notice is not always the worst situation.

View Quoted Comment I thought about that too, but her mother, sisters & other cousins (whom we talk to regularly), are all invited & I wouldn’t want her to think that she was a b-list/after thought. If I wait to send her siblings & mom invite they might get upset if they hear other family members received invites & they haven’t yet.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Maybe send it with all the rest but attach a little note that basically says that the RSVP deadline printed isn't firm, and she can have more time to decide and that you're there for her as a support. It's tricky. Some people want to seclude themselves after a loss, while others would rather be surrounded by people.

You address it only to her. Anything addressed to a person you know is deceased would be bizarre and likely upsetting.

As someone widowed after a few months of marriage, years ago: People grieve in different ways. Some will immediately start going to weddings, though mostly remembering the good things of their own as much as celebrating. Others avoid any situation they are not up to, especially if they feel they will be seen to be crying. But it is nice when people still send invitations. A phenomenon most surviving spouses feel is that after the deluge of people at time of death, suddenly they feel invisible. Whether out of fear of upsetting them, or respective g mourni g, or just finding it awkward, suddenly no one calls, no invitations come, and people you knew as a couple drop you, usually awkwardness, not deliberate. It makes the survivor feel their own life ended with their spouse's death, socially. And even if she does not respond, it is a kindness to send the invitation at the usual time. She likely feels left out of life. And even if she declines, you will have reminded her that you are just waiting til she feels like joining people again, but she is welcome, and will be missed if she does not come. Healthy for her mind set .

View Quoted Comment I am sorry for your loss. My question was honestly one of sincereness. I was going to remove his name, but then I thought - would that make her more upset, that he is forgotten. Which made me second guess myself.

I’’m sending her the invites when they all go out, I wouldn’t hold up because others would receive them & I wouldn’t want her to feel excluded. Also, I understand if she RSVP no, she has to do what’s best for her & her mental health.

It is naturally an awkward situation. But straight forward, not second guessing about how it will be interpreted, works best. It is the kind of thing that makes you think in circles. After my husband's death some people must have thought I would be upset if they talked about S. as no longer here. So they did some bizarre things pretending everything was like usual. I questioned their mental health.

I think it’s so sweet that you’re concerned!! We had an almost similar situation, except that we sent our invites and then FH’s grandmother passed suddenly before the RSVP card came back... I had to have the awkward conversation with his mom about asking her step-dad if he still wanted to come without his wife.... so. Awkward.

I think as PP have suggested, address her a Mrs, but send it only to her.. I also wouldn’t wait, I agree that you definitely don’t want her to feel like an afterthought!!

We had the same situation. My FHs uncle passed away. We addressed the invite with her name, only. As Mrs. John Doe.

View Quoted Comment Oh wow, that would definitely be awkward. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment That’s what I decided to do.

That's such a tough situation and I'm sorry it happened to you. I agree with pp's though, it should just be addressed to her.