Self-planning Brides: Joys and Headaches

I loved the big stuff that most people usually consider a pain; finding the venue, picking vendors, really deciding on our vision. We're in the midst of all of the small details right now and it's draining. Like I really couldn't care less how the napkins are folded or what color the tablecloth is for the escort card table.

Yep. I’ve been ghosted a few times by vendors. Or have received slow responses/required constant follow up by me to get responses. Sucks bc some vendors I’ve really wanted have been this way and it’s not a good impression to make on patrons.

My main aim headache is dealing with the budget and comments from the “peanut gallery”. My FMIL sneered when I told her about getting fake flowers yet she feels the need to tell us how she disapproves of our expensive wedding. I’ve even gone to our local grocery store to get a flower estimate and STILL the price is more than double what the fake flowers would be.
Same w her opinion that our wedding is too big yet she keeps wanting to add people to the invite list.
Might so frustrating. If I had a planner I’d probably hear the same BS from FMIL so I guess self-planning doesn’t help/hurt in all ways.

Finding the big stuff was stressful for me. We live in Kansas and the wedding is in Florida. We had to do a lot of research the months leading up to our vacation there in July so we could go knock out all the tours/bookings while we were there. The little stuff like finding our artificial flowers, centerpieces, signs, etc. is what I'm actually enjoying and what FH is actually actively wanting to help with.

Finding the big stuff was pretty easy for me because FH was very adamant that I do what I really want, and I already had my dream venue picked out- and that venue has in house catering.
Now I’m close enough that it is starting to get stressful. Like do I really need to care about centerpieces and programs? Those details seem so much smaller to me than the desire to marry this guy, and I’m having a hard time devoting time and money to them.

The big stuff has been easy, as in finding vendors and things like that.

The thing giving me the biggest headache still is my venue coordinator. I know she is a busy person but 3-4 weeks to respond to an email is bit much for me. I get how it is, I work at an office where people don't always respond in a timely matter. So I try not to be a pain in the butt and be that person, but at the same time I don't know what else to do. Luckily I don't think I need to speak with her until March (6 months out), I guess I don't understand because last time I was trying to get in touch with her I was literally trying to give her money. Apparently she didn't want the money lol

The big stuff has been pretty easy for me. It became more difficult when we got around to Florals. I honestly love a lot of ideas and I don't really know how to describe what I want, but I just know what I like. The florist I chose is great and I like her work so if it turns out like anything I have seen I should be happy. I think I will also have difficulty with the other details like linens and napkins - I just feel like I don't have an eye for this stuff.... But I know what I like when I see it!

The easy part was finding the venue and the photographer with varying successes with some of the other vendors.

Figuring the logistics of transportation has been a bit of a headache...With that said, the absolute worst thing and hurdle has been the florals...it's been an absolute nightmare for me. I never realized that the floral world was filled with petty divas and those with a serious lack professionalism. Thankfully, I'll hopefully be resolving the situation soon.

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I honestly don't understand why it's so hard communicating with vendors, especially when you're ready to give them money. I'm starting to think that most of them give priority to planners. It's completely baffling to me that so many of them ghost... don't you want my thousands of dollars?

But I would say keep following up with your vendor. It's better to have some of your questions and ideas outlined now since you know they take so long instead of closer to the date where they might not be able to fulfill what you want because they don't check their email.

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I say do what you want! If you don't want to spend the time or energy to have programs or menus that's totally fine. I went to my cousin's wedding recently and she had no programs and no one even noticed. Save the money and use it towards something you actually want for your wedding

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Oh I have followed up with her. After I couldn't get a hold of her and was at my wits end. My FH contacted the hotel and spoke with her lovely assistant. The assistant was super helpful and processed the payment with the general managers assistance. At that time I emailed the general manager voicing my frustration and concerns, I get that I may not be a top priority right now and that is fine but I feel like I have been very patient with the coordinator and it has got me no where. The manager understood where I am coming from. I also said I know I don't need to communicate with her too often right now, but my expectation is that once I hit the 6 month mark and we have that meeting then I expect better communication from her. He again said he understood and gave me his direct line should anything else happen. So we shall see. I'm trying to be patient but I'm glad I now have that information. The meeting at the 6 month mark is in the contract and stated that it is required, so if she cancels as she did last month I will not be a happy camper.

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I'm so glad you followed up and got it to work for you! And at least it sounds like you can work with her assistant or manager for worst case scenario. Weddings are a big money maker for hotels and I'm surprised they would have someone who is so bad at communicating working for them. I hope you have better luck in the future!

The biggest pain was the little things - hotel welcome bags, decor, favors, etc. The easiest things for me were vendors (we had a weirdly hard time finding our officiant but in the end the Pastor we chose was amazing).

I have loved the satisfaction of finding vendors (photographer, DJ, etc) and crossing it off the checklist. However, I haven’t loved the cost of it all! Who knew going into this that it would cost so much! I was naive to it that’s for sure

The big things were easy for us, even though they were time consuming. The hardest thing i'm having trouble with are the little details since we're bringing everything into the venue. And i want to make sure everything looks good together and it doesnt look like it was just thrown together.

My main issues were the reception area and I was ghosted on follow-ups for that. I had a hard time finding an officiant as well but only because I wanted a male and someone religious because I couldn't have a Catholic wedding like I had hoped for. Now, I'm just worried about décor and shoes and cake. But I think it's pretty fun looking for that stuff.

My biggest headache was logistics

My date is not an easy one to get vendors for (July 4, 2020) - but that's about it. I have an all inclusive venue (a historic mansion) and I hired an artistic photographer (who is also doing my tintypes photobooth). Im getting my cake and chocolates from a local chocolate company (literally right across the street from the mansion) and hair and makeup at Ulta (also very close to the venue). We are using artificial flowers (Ling's Moment foam roses and decor) and vintage/antique pieces to decorate. I'm having the most angst over the wedding dress. I now have an appointment set up to see my newest obsession and to finally try some dresses on...but Im driving 3hours each way for it (I live in a very rural town in Maine).

View Quoted Comment That's a great idea using Ulta! Did you end up booking all of the services online or contacting the store directly?

View Quoted Comment I went right into the store!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! There's one near our venue that I'm going to check out