Self-conscious about Length of Religious Ceremony

The wedding ceremony is the most important part of the day and, more than that, the marriage. I understand wanting to entertain your guests and make sure they are not bored, but the ceremony is truly only focused on the bride and groom, whereas, the rest of the time afterwards is focused on the guests. Entering into marriage is not to be taken lightly and if you have a religious belief that you want to make sure is incorporated into your wedding ceremony, please do so. Some guests may be bored but this is about you and your partner entering marriage together pursuant to your religious beliefs.

My wedding ceremony was also a religious ceremony and lasted about an hour. About 30 minutes of that time was the pastor giving a message about marriage. It actually was quite thought provoking and interactive and I had a few guests tell me afterwards that they really enjoyed it.

Personally, I prefer shorter ceremonies that get to the point and focus solely on the wedding (which can include religious touches too). I feel like with longer ceremonies (especially when it’s a full church ceremony), you tend to lose peoples’ focus and all they’re waiting on is for it to just be over. However... there will always be people who will complain about some aspect of the wedding. But you mentioned that your faith is a huge part of your life. So, keep the longer ceremony.

It is all about the bride and groom and what you guys want your ceremony to entail and what that means for you as a couple and your upcoming marriage. Personally, i prefer a short and sweet ceremony and ours will be less than 20 minutes. We are very private people and do not wish to stand up in front of everyone for an extended amount of time. But the ceremony should reflect whatever you want it to, whether it be faith, religion, culture, justice of the peace, or symbolic!

I prefer shorter ceremonies. However, as a guest, it's none of my business! Do what works for you as a couple. People will form opinions no matter what. It's only natural. The only reason guests should be taken into consideration when it comes to the ceremony is comfort level. Obviously, it wouldn't be considerate to make guests sit through a long ceremony outdoors in extreme weather.

View Quoted Comment I am glad to hear that you had a positive reaction to the religious ceremony and I love that you had a full message about marriage! What a beautiful way to start the wedding.

I suppose I am getting too worried about what others think. The ceremony really is about the bride and groom, and as long as the party afterwards is a blast, they can sit through some communion. Thank you for the response.

This is your wedding. The ceremony where you bind yourself to someone for life. You are doing the ceremony in a church, not a courthouse. That means this not just a legal contract, it's a sacrament. If you have people in your life who will actually be bored, the meaning of the ceremony is nothing to them. Why invite people who are only interested in the party with free food and drinks? Even if their beliefs are different than yours, true friends and family will want to witness the most important hour of your life.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your perspective! Losing the focus of the guests is a big worry, but as you said, someone will always complain about something.

Would there be something a bride and groom could do to help guests that are not interested pass the time better? Games in the program? Live music? Or just let the guests figure it out themselves?

My full and honest opinion as an agnostic with issues regarding organized religion: do what you want. Regardless of religion, I'm there to celebrate the marriage of two people who love me enough to invite me and I love enough to attend. In the grand scheme of things, an extra 30 minutes isn't a big deal, either.
Will I be bored? Yes, probably for every second except the personal vows. Would it upset me ruin the wedding for me? Of course not.
You (theoretically) only do this once. Do what you and your partner most want, what makes you happiest, and leaves you with no regrets looking back. It's your day, not theirs! They are there for YOU and your future spouse.

View Quoted Comment As this is a religious service, we at least will not be outside! It will be in a large cathedral with both A/C and heating for all seasons, and I was thinking about providing cushions for the pews so everyone can sit in perfect comfort.

Thank you for the response!

I think its important for you guys to stay true to you. Do what you want so that in 20 years you dont regret anything! However, personally I prefer shorter ceremonies.

Absolutely not if you believe in God and what the wedding and communion mean. Are ceremony is an hour we are having quiet snacks for our guest to eat because it might be harder for those not use to sitting through a Sunday service to sit for an hour. I couldn't imagine cutting short our prayers of Thanksgiving or the sermon.

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Thank you. There are some great responses from others here. I wouldn't worry too much about keeping your guests entertained during your ceremony. As another PP said, so long as they are comfortable and in a climate-controlled environment, that is enough. However, if you want to consider adding some interactive elements to your ceremony, this is what we did. We did a ring blessing where we had our rings (tied securely on a pillow in a box) passed around by our guests so they could bless them. We also did a reverse unity candle lighting ceremony where after we lit our unity candle we started the chain of having our guests' candles lit. We hired a string duo that accompanied the church's pianist so during each of these events there was beautiful music.

View Quoted Comment Well the reception is a different environment and I don’t think it takes anything additional to keep guests (adults) entertained. I’m not a fan of a bunch of games and such at a reception, unless it’s at the kids’ table. Otherwise, I feel that having a “game night” distracts from the overall reception. Typically food, mingling and music are enough.

I think the ceremony is much more important than the reception. Sometimes I think ceremonies are actually too short and have less meaning/weight. I would keep all the religious elements that are important to you. I think programs would be very important so people know what to expect and what point they are at if they do feel a little restless.

Our ceremony was just over an hour. We had a wonderful choir with lots of music that guests are still complementing but have not heard any complaints about the length.

The ceremony is the entire reason you're having a celebration at all - don't let people talk you out of a religious ceremony that is extremely important to you. As long as you are hosting your guests well afterward, it is fine!

Since your faith is so important to you, I say go for the full service as planned. Your guests should respect your faith!

I'm personally fond of a shorter ceremony, but I do agree with everyone else. If religion is important to you, keep the ceremony the full length. I'm Jewish, so I don't know if this is true for your church, but at my synagogue we have a room for parents to take fussy children during day-long holidays. Maybe you can see if your church has one. I think the cushion idea is awesome! I dont think I'd have even thought about that, and I know how uncomfortable pews are. I think if you cushion them, that would go a long way and not at all cut into your religion, but still consider other guests.

I 100% think you should plan your longer religious ceremony. It’s not about your guests, it’s about you, your fiancé, and your faith. Not everyone has to have the same beliefs as you, but don't neglect to incorporate something that is important to you just to appease a few people. I also would assume that everyone will expect the longer ceremony knowing your beliefs. Furthermore, I think you would regret making your vows and being married without the full ceremony as intended by your church. I’ve been to both long and short ceremonies, and never have I felt it was an inappropriate time. The ceremony should be fitting of the couple, not the guests. If you’re going to accommodate your guests, do so at the reception.

I’m also in the camp that I wouldn’t worry about the length. Getting married is a huge deal in most religious circles. It’s a sacrament, a ministry, an integral part in your relationship in your church community and God. A big deal.

We are choosing to do a full religious based ceremony with a message about marriage. We had been toying with the idea of a courthouse ceremony and it just felt wrong so we backpedaled on the idea. While not everyone in our family and friends are our denomination it’s not about them. It’s about starting our marriage on Gods foot lol.

I wanted to do an Eastern Orthodox wedding but am not technically a christmated member yet, so the priest was unable to do it, as much as he wanted to. That ceremony would have been at least as long as a Catholic one..... I am sure Episcopalian is about the length of a formal Lutheran/normal Catholic ceremony. I absolutely DO say to do it! It's what you want and you'll regret it if you don't. The ceremony is the whole point--without the ceremony, there wouldn't be a reception! Also, if you don't do it the Episcopalian way that you want, you will A. regret it for your own personal reasons and B. probably feel some faith-based guilt. I say let them complain... if they do, I'll show up and kick them for ya.