Seeking advice. Mother of the Groom is inviting additional guests!

They probably don't think that a few people here and there seem like much, especially if they are not really aware of the cost. You (and your fiance) can tell them that the invitations are already out, and that you can't even consider adding more people until you hear back from your "A-list." Or just tactfully put it off until you get your RSVPs back and give a head count to your caterer...then you can blame the caterer and keep peace in the family

I would tell her that you will gladly show her the bill of the guests plates if she desires more guests, that unfortunately you're at the top of the budget and cannot afford anymore. I told my parents and his that we need guest lists from both of them

Of who theyd like to invite. That our budget is tight since we're paying for it ourselves and that we don't want a ton of people. We're trying to stick to 125. They both understand and have chosen to include minimal. our wedding isnt until April but I'm finalizing my list NOW so there's no last minute oh I want her and him, oh and her bs.... I'm at the top of my budget already so were not pushing!

FH told MIL that whoever she invites that is extra...she needs to give us a check or they won't have a seat or even be let into the venue.

My brothers and cousins are all football players that are over 6 feet and all weigh 220 and up. I have security.

They can go to her and complain.

I'm with Yardiegirl, give me a check or they won't be having a seat.

My fiances mother is acting the same way. I asked her to give me a list of people (asked her to keep it at 50) and she gave me a list of 94! Maybe they dont realize the cost of a reception but I find it rude that they assume this is acceptable behavior! This is OUR night, not theirs!

Unfortunatly people do not consider the cost at events like this and all they can seem to process is that they want to share it with as many people they can. Thats when I say thats what pictures and recording is for I agree with the ladies above when they say that whom ever is extra including the three they need to front for. It is extremely rude and inconsiderant to be upset that you cant invite extra people with out even talking to the people who is outting it together. This is my first wedding but I have thrown a couple of expensive parties for my sons birthday so i understand budget and sticking to the list. If they cant understand that then oh well......

With 250 people coming, I have to assume that your nearest and dearest are invited already. You got good advice here. You and your FH have to address this together and let her know that your list is set.

I wouldn't even go into the "A-list" discussion. It's wonderful to be able to invite so many guests, but at 100+ per plate, those guests should be people who you realoy want to see; filling in empty spaces is not required.

I had the same trouble with this!!! But, with my parents!! And this is what I did, I told my dad (who is not paying for the wedding), I will invite whoever you want, but you will pay for them. I have set my guest list any one you invite over that you can pick up the bill for.

I would be frank, but also try talking to her nicely. You don't want to hurt her feelings anymore!

I told FMIL that I had 30 spots reserved for her friends and extended family, and she sent me a list of 94 people saying "Oh, most of them won't come!" I finally showed her the math and said "Look, that is a $4,000 gamble that they're not going to come. If you would like to go ahead and write me a check for $4,000 and I will refund you for whoever does not come, that is fine with me. But unfortunately our budget only allows for 30 people from your side to be invited and we do not have the funds for such a large gamble." That shut her up

I would not get into this with her - your FH needs to be the one to keep at it IMO. I would honestly steer completely clear.

People are not just allowed to invite extra people to someone else's event. That's not the way it works, whether the plates are $10 or $10,000. Obviously it's easier to cover one than the other, but she's just wrong on principle.

Since they don't believe your FH about the cost per plate anyway, I wouldn't make it about the money, I would just make it about the event - you've already invited the people you want to be there, and you know your FILs have more friends and family but unfortunately at this point your guest list is final, thank you for playing.

I know some parents don't believe that weddings are so expensive because when they got married, they weren't!

My friend asked her hubby's parents to pay for a third of the wedding, and at first they said "$500 should cover it, right? We can't pay more than that." Keep in mind that these parents insisted it not be the small, 10 person destination wedding my friends envisioned because they wanted their entire extended family to attend (around 125 people just their side!). They had to sit down with his parents and show them what the budget was, convince them that they weren't just making bad financial decisions and these were actually decent rates for everything, and only then did his parents realize just how much the cost of weddings have gone up and how much it could hurt my friends financially.

It sounds like you and your FH may need to do something similar with his parents. I hope it smooths over!

You've got good advice - in particular I would let your FH deal with it. They can pout if they want to. As Kris said, you don't just invite people to other people's events.

I've just got to add that I'm finding this business of people not believing how much things cost mind boggling. Sure, I understand people don't know how much a good wedding photographer or DJ cost, but food?

What on earth do you feed people in a restaurant for $10? We just came back from Chipotle and lunch for the two of us with one shared drink was almost $20. If these people do so much as eat at Applebees once a year, they should know better.

My Grandma did this same thing. She completely did not believe the $100 a plate thing. She wanted to invite all of our extended cousins, etc. She was getting really irritated with me and I think she thought I was being prissy or snobby or something. Finally my parents talked with her and told her that while in fact $100 really was how much it was per head, that FH and I really want a small intimate wedding under 100 people and that was what was important. I still don't think she likes it, but she understands now and hasn't complained. I think that you AND FH may need to have a similar conversation. Including FH is completely necessary though!

Seriously, let them be angry. They don't have a reason or right to be. And you shouldn't deal with this. Your FH should. Let him do the talking or you'll forever be Bridezilla that didn't want to accommodate her in laws wishes. Considering you already invited 250 people, and your parents are footing the bill, I think it is incredibly rude of them to invite more people. You have the right to be angry at them. Not the other way around.

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My FH and I haven't had the guest list talk with his family yet and I'm really concerned that my FMIL will do the same thing! Good to see that everyone agrees, stick to your guns and explain that financially you have to set limits.

Hello I am the "FMI" and my son is getting married in Aug 2013. I have invited "2" of my closest Girl-friends ( from high school) to this wedding ( of which both Bride and Groom know) and I am getting ALL KINDS of flack! HUH? Aren't I suppose to be able to invtie a "few" What is protocol for the Grooms Parents when it comes to inviting "anyone"??? PLEASE someone anwser me??

Thanks!!

It is your son's wedding, therefore, he is in charge of who is invited. Not you. Just because you're a parent doesn't give you an automatic right to bring whoever you want without first checking with your son and FDIL - especially if you aren't paying for those guests! (Now if you're paying for the wedding, you can because you're footing the bill.) Otherwise, you should not be inviting anyone without checking first with the bride and groom, or whoever is hosting the wedding and paying for it. It's not your day or your event - it's your son's and future wife's!

Inviting people to another person's event (especially if you're not paying for it!) without even first *asking* or checking in with the hosts of the wedding is just plain rude.