Sad bride

I think you have posted on this a few times. Dont allow her to have the power of taking away your happiness. If she wears white, she will look like a fool. Eventually she will probably come around and this will be history but she is vying for her dads attention and nearly trying to create "tests" for him to choose. Have pity on her and kill her with kindness. Dont let your fiance see you get upset over petty things. Be easy going and dont make him feel like he needs to choose. This is one day but eventually she will grow up and have other priorities and you will be there. Shes obviously immature and has some emotional damage. Just do your best to stay open to her like she is a kid having trouble with divorce. You have to be the grownup here and CHOOSE to not allow it to affect your day. Isnt this the same daughter that scheduled her stag and die during your honeymoon and pressured your FH to adjust? I'm sure he feels guilt and you dont want to compete with her. That's a losing battle.

Thanks heather we went on honeymoon though it wasn't very pleasant really. He chose not to go to her stag and do which was when we went away. Rather he pouted about not being there for her four three day .

Really put a damper on things .
I thought well at least when we get back on yhr monday of Thanksgiving well have somepicturws of just me and him . But that isn't going to happen .he wants to change our picture day because he wants to hang out with his kids and family a day more even though we had our picture day planned before we even new about her wedding .
Oh by the way despite the fact that that I didn't want to ask his daughter to join us for make up I knew she would find a way to even ruin that . I asked her made sure she new this was on Friday at 2 .
The day of shr never showed . She showed up 1.5 hours late . The makeup and hair rushed couldn't get the veil on which was so important to me . I tried again to tell him this how sad I was and hurt and all he could say was well she really missed out on fun with makeup...omg

We had the wedding it was sad for me
Dress was all wrong. It looked awful despite the sales girls telling me it was perfect .
Ya I looked like a burlap bag .
My hair and make were fine quickly because his daughter who was invited to this event showed up late . Ai we only had a few minutes to do my hair and makeup. As a result the veil which meant si much to me wouldn't stay on my head properly. He didn't want pu tires cause he just wanted to sit an relax and visit .
Si we only have two nice pictures if each other.

Lots of pics of him and his kids cause thas what he wanted
We didn't have the honeymoon room . Apparently the was a clerical error.
I honey moon was soent with him pouting because he wanted to go to his daughters stag and do rather than go away. Yes she organized her party when she new we would be away .

Even two days before the wedding she threw herself into a big crying fit stating she thought the wedding was on the 20th not the 19th . Even though she new for months it was the 19. All the invites had a corrected date on it . Apparently she took a photo of the invite and showed it to him them with tears and cries expressing ahe didn't ask for that day off. Yet a half hour before we were sitting in the restaurant I I mentioned and reminded her that her hair and makeup was at 2 . She exclaimed she couldn't wait and that she took the day off work .

He's always telling everyone what a wonderful wedding it was cause everyone had fun he says.
He makes excuses for his daughter getting late for hair and make up.
I expressed how important it was for me
I wanted to feel like a princess .
I worked so hard on the veil and never wore it .
Since we had to rush may hair and makeup it wouldn't stay on .
Throughout the whole wedding preparations all he kept doing was talking about his daughters wedding . So all my prep wedding details we foreshadowed. I get it he was excited about his daighters wedding . He claims he was excited about purs but he sure had a funny way of showing it when all he kept doing was talking about her . He even told me tonight that perhaps we should have gone casual rather then go threw the expense of everything I reminded him this was important to me since this was my first wedding . As he said it wasn't that important to him since he was married before
I never threw the bouquets cause he wanted me to give this to his daughter

At a certain point you have to either leave him or deal with it. Or grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. For example, who cares if he wanted the bouquet for his daughter? It was your bouquet. You should have thrown it anyway. Why did his daughter being late for hair and make up have anything to do with how long was spent on your hair and make up? Go on without her and get your hair and make up done. You have to take some responsibility for your own decisions and reactions.

I understand you are stressed and hurt but you are honestly mad at the wrong person. She may be an adult but her dad has been the crutch to all the bad behavior and before you came along it was probably fine but he as a new wife now so he needs to love, protect you and check his daughter when shes being disrespectful.

Not mad at anyone just so hurt . Throughout all the wedding preparations all he kept talking about was his daughters wedding
I was so very sad at our wedding and cried and then just bared with everything.
I mentioned to him it would be romantic if we could renew our vows h said it would take away. I think it is romantic. What do you think .

View Quoted Comment When we first talked of weďing I mentioned to him october he screamed out no it's to late . Now I found out why . It's because his daughter always wanted to have an october wedding .
I see your getting married next year. Even though I am far away what can I do to help ...I,m also an artist I paint draw photographgh , etc...I can design your wedding invites or whatever you would like...I would like to do something to help out another bride kind of the idea of give to another

I guess I was thinking to much about pleasing him
I always think of others

View Quoted Comment Wedding was a disaster.
From the company sending me the wrong dress, to the clerical hotel which gave us a standard guest room rather than the honeymoon suit, to a waiter waiting which made the reception meal 2.5 hours in serving the quests, to his daughter telling all thr quests that the ceremony was indoors when it really was outdoors, to his daughter wanting her hair and makeup done but never showed up for this causing me not to be able to get hair and makeup done on time , to the DJ being told that the wedding was indoors again thr daughter telling him this , and to top this off I forget my vows in the hotel room.

Interestingly enough his daughter did the same thing during her wedding .

Your FH is the problem here. It honestly sounds like he will keep treating you like this if you stay with him.

I just dont know what to do anymore . I'm just so very sad in my heart.
His daughter had her wedding and everything was beautiful
Of course I was not in any pictures because I was not family as she put it.
And then he pays for the hall for them and their honeymoon. Though we dont have our wedding bands cause he said we dismt have the money...mmmmand when I asked him why he payed for them and not our bands he simply said well it's my daghters wedding

View Quoted Comment

Sandra - I have read through your posts and I am sorry for all that has happened here. Unfortunately all the signs were there that his daughter was the mini-wife. He should put you first and he did not and does not. I would say see this forum https://www.steptalk.org/forum

You should review the section on adult stepchildren. You will see your story in so many different twisted versions. I think it will give you clarity. It hurts because you love him but he is not putting you first and you are not putting yourself first. If those forums taught me anything is that you go in with your eyes open, because it will not change. I hope reviewing that will give you the perspective you need. It did for me. Hugs.

He also has a son which he doesnt see much since the move across the province .
Every time we did go see them , I always had to cancel our plans or he came along. I get it. He doesnt see him much . As I expressed to him z split the time . If we have a prior engiamant keep it, and then do stuff with thr kid.
I had to change our honeymoon plans three times and our wedding date tonaccomidate the kids .
Not right.
His wedding band is still at the store after being special ordered for a bigger size Doesnt want to get it cause he says we dont have the money , but yet he recently payed for his daughters wedding dress, wedding reception venue and 5 days in a hotel ....mmmm
I refuse to wear my ring now in protest .
I'm so hurt

I strongly suggest therapy. Or a divorce.

Thanks for the info
Read some stories. Made me very sad realizing that I was reading about me sort of speak.
I'm so hurt and so sad . I go to bed not caring anymore and trying to fall asleep with ear plugs while listening to an ebook .
His daughter came back from her 10 honeymoon to pinta cana .
Thry had a great time apparently.
He doesn't really talk about it to me cOsecje know pur going away didnt. really fo well.

I've had to change our honeymoon three times to accommodate to her needs and him and his son.
Then two weeks before our wedding she announced they were having their stag and do. Directing her comments that she new that he would be there but just in case there were tickets to but and that she would so much love is " he " would come because it wouldn't be the same without him.

We ended up.going assy but the first date was spent driving 14 hours, followed by alot of sleep, followed by one day of sight seeing , changing hotels half hour away to spending 5 days more luckly.
The stag and do was the saturday as were gone . So naturally he was made to feel guilty about not attending on friday and sent lots of pictures on the saturday and told he should have been there with you would have had a blast on sunday .
With that said, she was never made to feel bad about going away and they had a time of their life.
He new this eas my first wedding and not once dis I feel princess like .
I remeber in one conversation he told her that the pre wedding events are so important to create such wonderful memories which lead up to the big day which ends so quickly
I had nothing .
I've tried to talk to him but he soesnt listen.
In brief
We announced in April last year we wanted to get married.
She responded in front of a banquete at a table we were at the dollowing" that if hesvwerthought of getting remarried to remind him to cut his balls off"
A month later she announced they were getting married.
When i thought we could get married in October thr following year, he abruptly screamed out that's to late .
So we changed it to July and honey moon in october .
She ankoced they were getting married in october so i had to change our honeymoon time . So i out it to whwn we flt married.
Rather than be excited about our wedding , all he kept talking about was her weding .
He preferred spending thr money on a gold chain for his son then getting paid wedding bands, told me to pick something real cheap.
I wanted to pick out a special braclet and necklace with reading sapphire which was on sale . Told me it was to much money . It was on sale for 350. Yet next day he gave his daughter a 1000 for her wedding .
I now have the band i wanted but he does not . His ring was a special order. Doesnt want to pick it up because he says he doesnt have the money. Yet he payed for the venue and hotel for 5 days and honeymoon for 10 days for her commenting well it's my daughter
What am I not imoirrsnt .
Our rings not important

View Quoted Comment

Sandra - I am glad that you have reviewed the website, steptalk.org. The information is a painful reality of your situation. I hear and understand your pain, you have repeated the story several times thoughout the post. I am going to suggest you join steptalk and post there. The participants will guide you. You are still in shock that someone who claims to love you would treat you this way.

I am going to be blunt here as I would with anyone who came to me with this situation. You get to decide how YOU want to be treated. You just recently got married. This situation is not going to change for the better. Reviewing the steptalk forum, can you imagine what life with him will be like in a year, 2 years, 5? The stories there shocked me to the core with a previous relationship and we broke up because when I set a hard boundary he could not set boundaries with his children. LIfe is short and you get to choose how you will be treated. You are a strong woman, choose to put you first.

The writing is on the wall for this situation. You are fixated on the daughter, but she is a typical bitter child of divorce that doesnt want a relationship with her fathers new wife. The real issue is your husbands complete disregard of you on all occassions. He's making it clear that his daughter will ALWAYS come first. Only thing left is for you to decide if you can deal with it. Good luck!

I've been very quite this evening since my other half called to find out how his daughters honeymoon went.
During her wedding not once was I invited to get family photos . She claimed I was not family.
During the reception , not once did she come up to me and greet me. Yetshegreeting her wuests with smiles and opened arms.
Tonight when she spoke to her as she wondered why I never went up to her.

I told him it is up the thr bride and groom to greet their wuests and I saw her greet even people at our table not once coming to me

Apparently I was supose to make the effort wow...