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Moranda
Just Said Yes June 2023

Rsvp'ing too many guests

Moranda, on March 6, 2023 at 11:58 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

Hi Brides! I need advice.

I sent out invitations a few weeks ago and I received the first RSVP with too many guests added. What do I do? I am very limited on seating and I invited the absolute maximum so I have no extra space. In this case specifically, I invited a cousin and his adult son (2 ppl). I just received their RSVP with 3 adults and 1 child (4ppl). How would you guys handle this? I feel terrible saying no but I do not have enough space for 2 extra people.

15 Comments

Latest activity by CM, on March 7, 2023 at 1:30 PM
  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I think how you handle it depends on who he added to the RSVP
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  • Moranda
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Moranda ·
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    I believe he invited his Son's girlfriend and their child but I am not 100% sure. Unfortunately, he did not put any name on the RSVP. Also, I have never met the girlfriend or their child.

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    You would contact them by phone and simply say “I’m sorry but we can only accommodate the two people that we named on the envelope.”


    Don’t give specifics on why as people usually tend to try to offer up “solutions” to “fix the problem” (e.g. they offer to pay for extra guests, swap out people, go eat somewhere and come back, etc).
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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    That’s a sticky situation. Technically, if you invited the adult son, his significant other should have been invited as well (wedding etiquette dictates that couples are seen as social units, and should always be invited together; regardless of whether you have met them or not). The girlfriend’s child, however, is a whole different story. By no means are you obligated to invite the child. Are other guests’ significant others being invited? If so, I don’t see how you could leave out this one. I would find a way to accommodate her. But I would make it clear that you cannot accommodate the child.


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  • Moranda
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Moranda ·
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    Thanks for the help Cece. The son was not on the original guest list but my Cousin asked if he could bring his son as a guest. So for this reason I did not anticipate they would invite extra people. I do not know the Son very well and did not originally invite him. What do u suggest?

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  • Moranda
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Moranda ·
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    Thank you Erin! I will try to work up the courage to do this!

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Ehh. It’s such a hard situation. I obviously completely sympathize with the position you are in. I think you are just going to have to decide whether you want to go by traditional etiquette rules and invite the girlfriend, or simply stick to your guns and tell your cousin that the only people you can accommodate are him and his son. If you go that route, I would just say you have already reached maximum capacity at the venue and cannot add anyone else.
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    Wait, so the son himself is basically a plus one? Plus ones do not get plus ones, so your cousin is definitely in the wrong. I agree with Erin that you should contact them and say the invitation only extends to those named on the invitation. It might make most sense to call the cousin, not the son, and make clear that you allowed him to bring a guest, his son, but that additional guests cannot be accommodated.
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  • Moranda
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Moranda ·
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    I agree! Thank you
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  • C
    CM ·
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    How long has the son been dating the GF? How old is he? Are they living together? IMO if they are committed and mature couple, who have been dating consistently and long term, or they are living together then you owe her an invitation regardless of whether you know either the son or the GF.

    Most guests knew how to interpret their invitations, I assume, and became obvious when they didn't. Just pick up the phone and say that you're sorry if there was any misunderstanding but the invitation was only meant for the two of them. Or, if the GF should have be included you'd apologize for not knowing there was a serious GF in the mix and ask for her address to send her an invitation.

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  • MrsC
    Devoted June 2023
    MrsC ·
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    I also agree with Kimberly. Only the people on the invitation are invited, and the son is your cousin's "plus one". According to standard wedding etiquette, if you invited a specific person and a guest or plus one, that is the number of seats that have been "reserved in your honor". Call them and explain that the venue is unable to accommodate additional people not on the guest list, and absolutely no children. You may say something like, I'm sorry for the confusion but there are 2 seats reserved in your honor, we are unable to accommodate anyone else. I hope you understand, and that your son are able to attend." No further explanation is needed. Don't feel badly - it's their poor judgement that caused this, not your fault.

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  • Michael
    Master October 2023
    Michael ·
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    One possible point of confusion is if your cousin was asking to bring his son in addition to his girl friend. But even if that were misunderstood in communications, her child was not included in the agreement either way.

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  • Karissa
    Dedicated May 2023
    Karissa ·
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    I also agree with Kimberly. Normally, I'd say the girlfriend would be included if they are in a serious relationship, but in this case since the son is the plus one, he does not get a plus one of his own.

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I think the problem with considering the son a “plus one” is the way he was invited. Had the invitation been addressed to the cousin “plus guest”, I would absolutely agree with this . However, since he was named on the invitation, he is no longer considered a plus one; he is now considered an invited guest (which etiquette says should be invited with his SO)
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  • C
    CM ·
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    A "plus one" is a guest and is supposed to be treated as one. In fact, according to traditional etiquette there is no such thing as "and guest," rather you should most properly get the name and address of that person and send them a separate invitation. The bottom line is it would be rude to invite one half of a committed social unit without the other whether it's to a wedding, a dinner or any other social event. This situation is not an exception.

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