rsvp Nuttiness, 5 days out

View Quoted Comment I could not agree More! This is honest, respectful to all involved, and seems like the less stressful route.

View Quoted Comment Sorry you’re dealing with this! And sorry people seem to be totally missing the point on the b-list thing. This isn’t about b-listing/etiquette at all; this is about people RSVPing no and then changing their minds. I think you just need to tell them unfortunately you already finalized details with venue/caterers and can no longer accommodate them. That’s on them, not you. You had an RSVP deadline for a reason!

Honestly if I were you I would tell them that you're sorry, but once your RSVP deadline passed you submitted your final headcount to your caterer and you can't change it (even if that isn't true, I'd say that as a white lie to avoid mentioning that you replaced them with your B list).

Wow. That's incredibly bold of them. Honestly, it's your call. If you think you can set up an extra table and squeeze them in, do it.
Or tell them to bring a chair and a sandwich. (Joking. But also not joking.)

B-listing is fine. Dang.

Not really sure why people are commenting about the etiquette of a b list when that wasn’t the question you asked at all. Etiquette is so subjective and you will be hard pressed to find someone doing it exactly by the book (who knows where this book is). Whether you had a b list or not you have already made the seating chart and turned in your final numbers so I’d just tell them that. You didn’t replace them, they gave up their spot when they rsvp’d no to begin with

View Quoted Comment I agree 100% with this.

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A lot of things are considered "wrong" according to etiquette. Not everyone can have the perfect etiquette-appropriate wedding, but I can see why someone might B-list. For example, if you're paying a minimum head count no matter what and you're currently under it. I'd definitely rather fill the seat instead of throw money away. Or if you have a strict guest count, but had to invite family first before you could consider having friends there. As long as you're not trying to pretend like they're not the B-list, I think it's a know your crowd kind of deal. We don't know Sydney's full situation with her guest list, budget, etc. I wouldn't assume she's in the wrong just because of standard etiquette. Weddings aren't one size fits all, and you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.

That's terrible!

Not everyone invited has planned a wedding before. So some people don’t understand the RSVP process isn’t the same as it is for a house party with an Evite where you can easily change your reply. Which speaks to all the heated etiquette posts. I’ve always said that etiquette is only as good as the guests actually knowing what the etiquette (and most DONT). Lol!!!

If your venue (or budget) is unable to accommodate the last minute request, then they’ll have to be told that the RSVP date passed and all information was already provided to the venue.

View Quoted Comment Wow I love this...classy way to shut it down! Lol.

View Quoted Comment I don’t understand this comment we all know we are working against deadlines, and some of us had to pick and choose who we could invite. So NO ur not wrong u sent them the save the date, and then the invite. So once they said no they couldn’t make u had ever right to fill that space. Just be honest and let them know unfortunately once they replied no u feel that space and no u can’t just add a table or two...

Ugh, this sounds SO frustrating! I think regardless of having invited some additional guests, this is still SO close to your date, and either way you already turned in your final count. Even if you hadn't sent additional invites, this would still be an issue!

I would use the response that PP gave and politely tell them sorry, but its too late since they already responded no. You can offer them to come to your home for dinner or something to celebrate when you are back from your honeymoon.

View Quoted Comment Sydney u are in no way wrong. You know what ur budget is and u choose to invite the important people first. That is etiquette family over friends. I feel like because some women on here can invite who (have an endless budget) that they wanna look down at the ones who have to pick and choose. Weddings are not one size fit all... that’s why ever wedding is different. On top of that five days before ur wedding. Guess they didn’t consider u had a lot of stuff to already do

To clarify, because some people seem upset about the "b-list" situation:
My venue cap is 120 people. My mom has a HUGE family, and of course I needed to invite them all, even though we knew that at least 20 of those guests would not be able to make it (elderly or failing health, don't travel anymore, money, etc.) So, yes, I sent them invites, and they (as expected) told me they unfortunately wouldn't be able to make it. Once I knew FOR SURE they couldn't, I sent out invitations to my other friends whom I had wanted to have there within the week. My friends received their invites within days of when the first batch of invites was sent.
To further clarify, the 11 people who changed their RSVP this week were not the above family members who couldn't attend due to health/monetary reasons.

I agree, you are not obligated to host these last minute guests. If they RSVP's no, that is the answer.

I too have a few people I would love to invite but won't be able to unless people from my current guest list declines. Once that happens, we might be able to add additional people since our venue doesn't necessarily go by head count but by a dollar amount spent.

Wow that is pretty crappy. Sorry you are having to deal with this!

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I agree with this and the response, very classy!

To be blunt here - your wedding was not a priority to them. Now that their schedule has changed and the can attend for the food and entertainment they want to. The responses of just add another table indicates they are selfish and self centered. You want people there who will support your wedding and made it a priority by RSVPing within the timeframe . This is a great teaching moment and setting boundaries, especially with people who believe everything is about them.

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I agree on this! There are a few people I haven't seen in a while who I would love to invite, but I am willing to wait it out a little bit closer to the wedding to see how the actual guest list shakes out. By no means did those b-list friends know they were "b-list". It's not like you called them and said, "gosh, I'd love to have you there, but I need to see if my Great Aunt Myrtle will RSVP first". Who does that?! I'm assuming there was more of a #1 must invite list and then a #2 I'd love to see these people, but let's wait it out list. I get it!

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I agree! So many RSVP issues. I guess if it were me first saying "no", then turns out we could go, I would make it a point to get to the dance or after dinner portion of the evening. Honestly though, being a bride an maybe it's just me, although the guests' rudeness of RSVPing sooo late, I would still try to make it work with the vendor. That's just me though. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, really. I'm a people pleaser, that's what my mom calls me, anyway!

Perhaps this could be offered as an alternative to those RSVPing late: We have a full dining room, but please come to the reception for dessert, drinks and dancing!

I agree - that's unbelievable that someone would RSVP no, then change their mind. They are out of luck. And, I don't see anything wrong with inviting others, once you get a group of "no"s.

You are not in the wrong here.