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georgiabride2018
Savvy June 2019

rsvp Date’s too late - How should i handle this?

georgiabride2018, on March 1, 2018 at 12:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 51
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We sent out our invitations and RSVP cards but it turns out that my parents need to know who’s attending three weeks earlier than the date indicated on the RSVP card.

How would you handle it at this point? We can’t get around the new due date.

How would you recommend reaching out to people?

Would you explain the circumstance?

Would you request that they RSVP earlier?

What would you share with them and what wouldn’t you share?

51 Comments

Latest activity by MrsMcK, on March 2, 2018 at 4:37 PM
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag

    Why do your parents need to know? Usually this is dictated by the caterer. What are the circumstances?

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Sponge
    Master April 2018
    Mrs. Sponge ·
    • Flag

    If you need final numbers sooner than yes, you will have to contact people. I would definitely give them the courtesy of a phone with a quick explanation of what happened. Just let them know there was some confusion on the date final numbers were due, and now you need them earlier than expected.

    • Reply
  • M&M Bride
    Super September 2018
    M&M Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would wait until one week before the new due date to start contacting people. Then you won't need to reach out to those who have already sent in their responses.

    • Reply
  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
    • Flag

    I'm also curious why your parents need the numbers so much sooner than your caterer. I assume they are paying for your wedding, but I would think they would have already had the money budgeted for whatever the cost would be if everyone you invited showed up.

    ETA And is your date on here correct? It shows June 2019, if so that is WAAAY too soon for you to have already sent invitations/RSVPs....

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Yeah, I’m also confused about the circumstances of this. Three weeks before the original rsvp date in most cases would be something like one or two weeks after mailing them out?

    perhaps having some more information about this situation will help us offer guidance...
    • Reply
  • Happy Hedgie
    VIP September 2018
    Happy Hedgie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed! Why is this your parents concern? If your caterer and venue are okay with receiving the numbers based on the original timeline I wouldn't change it.

    • Reply
  • MrsMcK
    VIP September 2017
    MrsMcK ·
    • Flag
    Yeah you're gonna have to clarify this for us.
    • Reply
  • georgiabride2018
    Savvy June 2019
    georgiabride2018 ·
    • Flag
    Caterer needs the guest count when my parents need it.
    • Reply
  • MrsMcK
    VIP September 2017
    MrsMcK ·
    • Flag
    When is your wedding? And why do your parents need the guest count?
    • Reply
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    For some reason I feel like there is more to this story, but you just need to call everyone and explain you made a mistake and your caterer actually needs the RSVP sooner. Give them the new date and anyone you haven't heard from just call to follow up with.
    How far out from your wedding is this new date? How far is the new RSVP due date from now?
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Devoted March 2018
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    My caterer told us the day we need final counts when we signed the contract- in fact it was IN the contract. were you not involved in the conversation? did you parents not proof read the invite/ dates (they seem involved enough that this seems reasonable)? did you just make up an rsvp date? sorry, just a little confused.

    • Reply
  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    So it's not your parents that need it, its your caterer? Why did you not check with the caterer to see when they needed the headcount before you sent out invitations? The date my caterer needed the headcount was very clearly spelled out in our contract.

    Or is there a plot twist here that your parents ARE your caterer?

    You also didn't answer when you are actually getting married...is your date on here correct?

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP May 2018
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    Why didn’t you triple check when you needed the info from your guests for the caterer and your parents? Why do your parents need the info..??
    • Reply
  • georgiabride2018
    Savvy June 2019
    georgiabride2018 ·
    • Flag
    I think you guys are getting WAY to stuck on details here. It feels like we’re focusing on the problem and not the solution. Can you ladies please advise me on how to problem solve at this point?

    Smiley heart
    • Reply
  • NVV2B
    VIP January 2019
    NVV2B ·
    • Flag

    Call the guests - say you put the wrong RSVP due date and that you need to know by XX date now

    • Reply
  • stbmrs2019
    Devoted September 2019
    stbmrs2019 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    In order to fully advise, we need to know if you in fact sent out your invites way too early or not. When is the wedding?

    • Reply
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    The way you posted it is very strange and makes me think something else is going on. If it is, maybe that is part of a better solution. That's why everyone is wondering, FYI. Lot's of people have offered a solution though.
    • Reply
  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    The fact that you are being intentionally evasive is making people "focus on the problem" because if your wedding isn't until 2019, the "problem" isn't that you told people the wrong RSVP date, it is that you sent your invitations WAY to early. That problem has an entirely different solution than the "problem" you posted about.

    It's bizarre that you can't just answer the question of whether your date is correct. You had to know that people would wonder why you are asking about this RSVP issue when your wedding isn't for another 15 months.

    • Reply
  • georgiabride2018
    Savvy June 2019
    georgiabride2018 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You’re right! The 4 recommendations I received should be enough for me to make a decision Smiley smile

    thanks!
    • Reply
  • T2018
    Devoted April 2018
    T2018 ·
    • Flag

    I did this too. I gave guests 3 weeks before the wedding to RSVP without realizing that the venue wants a final and total headcount 30 days before. (annoying- but my fault because I forgot to go over the contract again before I ordered the invites)

    I'm going to reach out to people who haven't RSVP'd and explain the situation.

    • Reply

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