RSVP adding uninvited children

You can't get mad at a little kid for being a little kid. You can however, get mad at parents for not being more considerate. How friggin' hard is to hire a sitter. I have 2 kids, I know what I'm saying.

Are you inviting other children? because if it just was FBIL kids then well.. not really on imho

Also most people if they have kids who can't stay quiet will take them out (also the babies bit where i am babiesinarms never count in no-children) . But obviously they might make noise

granted it was rude but this is your FH brother why didn't you bring it up before the invites?

I completely understand, and the grudge would be towards the parents. They have family from his wife side that isn't invited. FH and I thought that they would have them watch the kids.

I agree with Mary-- Most parents will remove themselves and their kids if their kids aren't behaving.

Jess--- try to remember that these kids will be your nieces/nephews. I hope you will hold them in a little bit higher esteem than kids "in general".

No, we're not inviting any. One of my FH's friends asked if they could bring theirs, and we'd already said we'd prefer adults only.

My FH had tried to meet him for lunch to talk it over before the invites were sent, but their schedules kept clashing because we live 2 hours from them. I don't know why he wouldn't call or FB message him. He said he wanted to talk in person that it seemed a touchy subject, which I agree, but he should have said something anyway before he got the invite.

I'm a little on Amy's view point of kids right now in my life. Kids freak me out badly. I can say they're going to be my future nieces and nephews, but I'm really not to the point of thinking kids are wonderful. As bad as it sounds I get small panic attacks over kids.

The grudge part was to the parents not the kids.

Also, two hours is a long way to be away from small children/babies, even if there is someone responsible to watch them. Not inviting the kids would completely preclude them from getting a hotel room/staying overnight.

Just be careful about allowing one guest to add on (even if it is FH's brother) it's a slippery slope that you're traveling on then. If another guest gets wind of it may start unnecessary family drama.

I have a kid. I was a single mother for a good portion of his life. (He's 15 now) It was sometimes difficult to find a babysitter when it was a family function that I had to go to but it would be better if he didn't attend. I only said difficult...it's NOT impossible.

If you don't want kids at your wedding...don't have them there. It's YOUR wedding.

@Barbara: I disagree. You could still attend and stay at a hotel near the wedding. Bring the "babysitter" along with you and have them stay at the hotel while you attend the wedding. My MOH is going to have 2 kids under the age of 3 at the time of my wedding. She lives in FL and the wedding is in NJ. Her sister lives in MD and will come up to NJ and stay with the kids while she does wedding stuff.

It's all in how you plan it.

If you are having an adults only wedding and no other children are invited this shouldnt be too offensive to anyone, afterall, adult weddings are becoming fairly common. what time would your wedding start? Perhaps it would help tp explain to them how unfriendly this wedding will be towards children. I.E., It will go late into the night and they will miss most of it having to take the children home, there might be explicit words in the music, plenty of alcohol, etc.

I am having children, BUT I am also having an early wedding with light alcohol, a candy buffet, Mac & cheese and other less "sophisticated" foods, and some kid friendly music, and an end time way before bed time.

Have you considered offering to pay for or source an experienced nanny service that can come and watch the children?

I'd tell him to go ahead and cross out the 2, replace it with a 0, and enjoy his night on the couch watching Dora the Explorer with his precious kids.

ETA: I missed that FMIL told him to do that. Better idea: tell her to stay home with the kids! Problem solved.

It truly doesn't matter what anyone's personal views about children are - the fact is they are not invited and suggesting to add them to the RSVP is rude.

It is perfectly fine to have a child free wedding, just as it is perfectly fine for people to choose to decline because they don't want to leave their children.

I absolutely love children but I think that was horrible and rude advice! Also I don't think not wanting kids there has to be a question of your love for your future nieces & nephews ... I have some beloved little cousins who aren't invited because we are doing adult only. I told my little cousin and she said "Phew!"

I would find a trusted sitter and reach out to the brother and family saying "We'd love to accommodate everyone but the wedding will be adult only. Here are the names of some local sitters in case you need them!" I'd also have a chat with FMIL so she doesn't give other family members similar advice. You can always blame the venue.

I love it when Amanda gets snarky...such a rare glorious moment! LOL...

I would hope that they understand why you invited the adults...but...they ARE family and close family at that. The only kids we invited are immediate family.

My brother did this at his wedding... someone didn't even RSVP for the kid and when asked about it, she said "He will just have to deal with it." What??? This was not even a family member. The child was a toddler and sure enough screamed during the ceremony. Just what they wanted to avoid.

Family members were upset that they didn't bring their children, as requested, and this person just did it and said deal with it..... so, now no kids at my wedding and that friend of the family who had that attitude is also not invited. Sorry.

Trish - If that happened to me I'd make that person leave my wedding! Haha

WOW!! Not ALL kids are brats...My children are very well behaved and know what will happen if they act up in public. That being said, that was so not cool of FMIL to tell him just to cross off the 2 and include his children. If I were the brother I would have called/ texted you and FH to see about children (unless it was clearly stated that it was adult only). Around here (Cow-town, WI) people normally invite the whole family. The first I read about etiquette with the not adding &family or & little Jack was on WW.

Hahaha thanks Buffee, I like to reveal my snark side when the cause is just ;-)

I have no tolerance for people who do something as blatantly rude as this, especially a family member as close as her FMIL. Jules is right, it doesn't matter what the couples' feelings on children are. The point is, the invitation was clearly addressed to its intended recipients, and FMIL is choosing to blatantly disregard it. I say enjoy the rugrats at home, crazy lady.

Well for us it's not too hard to have an adult only wedding. Only one of my friends has kids, and he's super excited to have a night out with his wife. Only one family member of mine has kids, but she lives very far away and isn't coming. His friends do have kids, but we usually only hang out once a month when they have a babysitter--their choice to have it like that. So, it's different to me to have someone who wants to bring their kids to a large, kid-boring event. Also, I've never met FBIL's kids. They live a couple of hours away and have weird schedules. As a close member of the family though to my FH I'd rather he'd just have called instead of FMIL saying to do that.