Rough Patch

My FW and I have definitely had disagreements and my tone can be short and snippy when I'm stressed. The wedding itself hasn't caused too much in the way of snippiness, but we went through some really stressful health issues that delayed our wedding planning by months, which led to a few tense moments while venue hunting. It took a few blow ups and some tears before we evened back out again, but it definitely helped to talk it through and remind each other that we love each other, and can get through anything together. I'm glad you both are able to stop and discuss it without letting it fester into something worse. The one thing she said to me when I was getting overwhelmed and stressed by wedding planning is that a celebration of us and our marriage should not cause stress. I remember that when things feel overwhelming. We get to marry the people we love who love us too. That is definitely something to hang on to when stress creeps in. May the rest of your planning be less stressful and lead to a beautiful day.

View Quoted Comment We are, too! We try to go out for a hike, kayaking, or just out to a favorite restaurant and splurge on a bottle of wine. Or try something new that's been on your list!

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Thank you so much for all of your advice! It's relieving to know that most other couples deal with situations like these. And congratulations on your win! So happy for the two of you

View Quoted Comment I love what your FW said about the celebration of your marriage shouldn't cause stress, I completely agree with that. I'm so excited for our wedding and even more excited just to call him my husband, and I think the thing that stresses me out the most about wedding planning is not being able to talk about it with him as much as I'd like to. But we're working on it, I try not to stress him with the wedding during the week (he's not a planner and is perfectly fine with whatever plans I want to do for the wedding), and he knows that I just want to ask him things because I value his opinion and I enjoy talking about the wedding so he participates when he can. Thank you for your kind words and I hope your wedding and your marriage is beautiful

I can see how not seeing each other and work stress would put pressure in your relationship. I think is normal and it just a phase you have to pass together. I do think you can find sometimes during the week to have lunch together. Since he goes in to work at 3 pm maybe he can come close to you once or twice a week and have lunch together before he heads to work. Take advantage of the weekend and do things together. Find a way to reconnect even during odd times until life is back to normal. My husband and I have different schedules but not as crazy as yours. We do see each other everyday and have like a 3 to 4 hour together once I get home which by then he’s usually doing work at home and I’m cooking or doing house stuff. Still sometimes we have lunch together and we find ways to have us time.

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Thank you so much. I definitely started to unload a lot more ideas than she could handle at first. I learned to scale back and time our discussions to alleviate some of the anxiety. It helped us to start a new list each week to focus on what we could reasonably get done, which helped us feel more accomplished. We also take almost every Saturday to do something fun together like a lot of people are suggesting. While I was not happy about it at first, it actually helped to push pause on the wedding planning, and we still managed to get things done while out for lunch or before grabbing a drink now and then. Take care!

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We have started having a lunch date during the week to break up the length of not seeing/conversing with each other and it's definitely helped! I told him yesterday when we went that I almost get nervous when he picks me up from work for lunch because I feel like we're dating again (rather than living together) and it gives me butterflies Thanks for the advice!

We're going through a rough patch too, but we're also young (21 and 22). I hate my job and come home miserable every day and I take it out on him. But he also isn't understanding my stress and isn't helping around the house with cleaning and chores. The other day I blew up and asked him if I needed to leave for a few days so he could realize how much I actually do. I regretted this after I said it, but I could tell he realized he wasn't pulling his weight. It's been like this off and on and is kind if a cycle of me yelling at him, him helping for a week or 2 and then reverting back. We're trying very hard to work through it. Doesn't help that we see each other all the time (we literally work at the same place and have the same schedule. Thankfully he is another department)

Omg that literally just made me cry.

So sorry you and your fiancé are going through a rough patch. But that is LOVE right there. Holy crap.

Wishing you all the best!! 💕

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We've had this issue too! And we're both 21 also, sometimes I feel like we're in a totally different stage of life than most people our age (engaged, have our own careers, buying a house soon). My job is definitely less strenuous/stressful than his and I hate my job (bored out of my mind all day) while he loves his. I started to realize that I complained about my cushy desk job with A/C and normal hours a lot more than I should while he works his tail off in a UPS hub that's 100 degrees. I've tried to cut down on complaining while making the most of my job and also considering my other options within the company. Because he works longer hours and a more strenuous job, I try to do more around the house than I expect him to. That being said, it is the simplest of tasks that he struggles with in terms of tidying up and I want to rip my hair out some days Like leaving his laundry on the floor rather than five feet to the left in the hamper. He gets better for a couple days and then forgets again, but we're working on it too. Best of luck to you both!

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RIGHT? I'm so quick to cry and I hate it (too sad, too mad, or too happy lol), but how could I not cry when he said that? That is so sweet of you to say, I wish the best for you and your FH as well!

It’ll be alright hun, rough patches come and go. No one gets along 100% of the time, it isn’t realistic. As long as you never fight dirty. No name calling or bringing up the past, those are the things that hurt a relationship. Snippiness and arguing sometimes is just part of life. We get beaten down by work and commitments and boil over.
A couple years ago FH and I got into a really bad car accident. We were planning our wedding, then all the sudden neither of us could work. I couldn’t even walk. We fought constantly. We were thankful to still have each other but the looming deadline of bills coming in and the daily pain just sucked. We’ve never treated each other so badly before. I questioned if we were still the same people. Stress just brings out the ugly in people. Once we acknowledged there was a problem we set out to fix it, sadly that meant postponing the wedding so we could get to a good place again mentally, physically and definitely financially.

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I agree that stress brings out the worst in us. While we don't fight dirty, we have gotten just so unbelievably angry with each other at times (over what we don't even know) where I don't even know what's happening anymore and how we got to that point. But once we both cool down, thankfully we're able to talk about what happened and why we were even angry in the first place. It isn't always easy, but we know it's worth it. I'm sorry to hear you had to postpone your wedding, but I'm so glad it helped you both get back to where you needed to be. And your wedding day isn't far now, congratulations!

When my DH was working opposite shifts like you two are we would try to make lunch/dinner dates. He would come to my work and bring me lunch sometimes and we'd eat outside on a bench or I'd bring him dinner so we could eat together and have at least some one on one time.

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Exactly, I really think our little lunch dates during the week will do a lot for us. Just a "hey how you doin, I miss and love you". Like I said earlier, it really is the little things that matter the most!

Marriage is like this so get ready. A lot of us make the mistake that we think its supposed to be a fairy tale and freak out when that's not the case. This is completely normal. My fiance and I have been together 7 years. For about 2 years we really disliked each other most of the time. As long as it's not violent or abusive in any way and both people are committed towards communication and working to better the situation it will work itself out and you will be stronger on the other side of it.
My fiance is a maintenance supervisor for a huge apartment complex and he is always on call 24/7 and being constantly bothered for answers to questions by other employees when they are on call. It's taken a toll on himself and the family and especially our son. But the best thing to do is stick it out while he looks for a better job so that's what we are doing. Now you two need to sit down and come up with a solution that works for you and in the meantime make every moment or every weekend quality time. Plan dates and fill that weekend with quality time feeling close because quality is way more important than quantity.
Also, if the wedding is stressing either of you out make it a bit smaller. It's a celebration of your love and as such should never be the cause of stress or arguments in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment See you guys will be fine, you recognize that you’re angry and take a minute to cool off. You don’t let it fester and blow up later. I’m sorry you guys are so stressed but it sounds like you’ve got each other’s back! ❤️
Thank you! Super nervous

FH and I go through a rough patch this time every year. He works in sport marketing, so when football season starts hes gone a lot. Or if he is home, he is still working since there is so much to do. Luckily we've been together long enough now, we know this is going to happen. We've found our ways to handle it, but it still stinks not being able to see him as much. Throughout the years we've gotten better about not bickering during this time when he is home since we are now both conscious of it. But that first year or two when we weren't were really hard.

View Quoted Comment Are we twins?? Lol I hate my job too because of how boring it is, and he loves his job so much. The only difference is he also works a desk job. It just makes me mad when we work the same hours and he comes home and going right to video games, yet I come home and cook dinner, cleanup and do school work. I'm always saying that if he wants me to be a housewife he is more than welcome to go out and make more money so I can take care of the apartment full time lol

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Yeah if he's working the same hours as you do, he should definitely be helping around the house just as much. Before FH had these hours, I would just ask him to at least do a couple chores around the house while I was cooking. It bothered me so bad when he would sit on his butt while I cooked if the house needed to be vacuumed or something lol.