Tilar Fifield
Devoted August 2019

Rehearsal made things worse

Tilar Fifield, on August 16, 2019 at 12:29 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 18
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Looking for any support from brides who found their rehearsal made them feel worse or less prepared than before.
Tonight was our rehearsal, which I knew would be stressful as a whole. I very much tried to prepare myself for that. We have 12 attendants, 2 sets of parents, a master and mistress of ceremonies, plus the families of our flower girl and ring bearer. So needless to say we had a lot going on!
The venue coordinator has been very strict with her “system” and time since the beginning (no planner, just the venue lady). First of all when we were doing the ceremony practice she tried making me flip my order of my bridal party and how they walk out because she believes the maid of honor and best man should walk out first so the lines don’t get messed up 🙄 No lady, they come out how I want them to.
Also ww only practiced the ceremony twice, which everyone else seemed to be fine with but I feel even more unprepared than before honestly. We weren’t able to time the music so I’m nervous about that. I’m just overall really feeling the pressure I guess is the best way to explain it.
Also, we had the space from 5:30-7:00. Decorations from 5:30-6:00 and rehearsal from 6:00 to 7:00. I swear on my life as soon as it turned 7:01 she turns the lights off in the room and says it’s time to go. And I’m thinking “omg I hope everything is set up okay!” because I didn’t get the chance to do a final walk through.
I know these are minor things to be upset about, I don’t feel I’m as mad as I am just feeling really out of control. I’m probably being a little bridezilla but a file is stressed. I can’t sleep for anything so I’m eating my feelings as my fiancé sleeps soundly 🤣

18 Comments

Latest activity by Cristy, on August 16, 2019 at 2:03 PM
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Wait I am
    lost so when is your maid of honor and best man walking out?
    Anyway take a derp breath. The most important thing is you are marrying the person you love.
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Thanks Colleen! I’ve been trying very hard to remember that is the reason behind all of this, and it’s actually gotten easier the closer we get! But I wanted the bridal party to walk out like bridesmaid/ groomers first and fill the line in from the outside in. If that makes sense... so the last people In line up at the alter will walk out first and stand at the end of the line. She wanted me to have the best man and maid of honor walk out first and make the lines from the inside out. Not what I wanted.
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    So while you should 100 percent do what you want. If you are starting at the end of the line. It may be hard for them to know where the end should be. If they go to far the BP may need to shuffle closer to you. Or if the are to close the will have to all shuffle away from you. I think it will work out either way. Like I said it’s up to you.
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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    That is strange that she was trying to reverse the order of how the processional is usually done. I thought it was common knowledge that the maid of honor walks down after the bridesmaids. If the best man is escorting her then he would also walk down after the other groomsmen. But in any event, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine and in the end you will be married which is all that matters. Remember, now that you have done everything you possibly can to prepare for this big day there is only one rule you must follow: Don't sweat the small stuff. At this point, everything is the "small stuff."

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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    I knowwww I was thinking the same thing! My MIL to be said later “I’ve never been to a wedding where the maid of honor and best man walk down first...” But I’m sure it’s been don’t before and I’m sure it’s very nice! Just not for this wedding. Thank you for your support! Letting go of control is something I really struggle with in my every day life so you can imagine how hard of a time I have letting go of the wedding reins 🤣
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Well we worked it all out and my attendants are pretty confident with it! I really don’t mind if the shuffle, I mean they are human beings not robots, ya know? I don’t know I totally understand her concept but that just isn’t the way I wanted it. It is something so small in reality but I guess you can the straw broke the camels back? Or whatever that saying is lol
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    I think people need to learn how to talk to others. I teach preschool so with parents and kids I guess I can be super aware. She should not have tried to get you to switch.
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Who cares what order they walk in. You’re allowed to put your maid of honor in the middle if that’s what you want! I’m sure everything will go perfectly on your wedding day. I’ve been in a few weddings, and rehearsals are always confusing. But there’s also never been any mistakes during the ceremonies. Some people are just miserable, don’t let her take away from your excitement. On your wedding day, there will be other people around, so I imagine she’ll be on better behavior then and you will also have others around to help if needed.
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Very good point Jeanie! I’m sure she will behave better too. Thank you for the support!!
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I understand this seems stressful right now, but agree with others to try and let it go -- and for your sanity, try to let it go continuously until a day or two after the wedding. It's just time to turn it all over to your family/friends/God/whomever; but turn it over. It poured for 5 days straight leading up to daughter's wedding, including the day of the rehearsal. They had a wedding party of 17, including four kids under 10. The MOG refused to acknowledge the FOG (they are divorced).... It was a kind of a circus. Because of the rain, we had to do a walk through in a small space at the bottom of the stairs leading to the outside ceremony spot. No one knew what they were doing. We did two quick runs, and then we left and had a fun dinner (with an open bar..., so that helped Smiley winking ). The day of the wedding? People figured out when to walk and where to go, the DJ took care of the music. Everything went off without a hitch (or, if there were any issues, we didn't know about them) and everyone told daughter & SIL it was a beautiful, perfect wedding. Give yourself a true gift for you wedding day, of just letting it all go. It will be awesome; and, if by chance it's not, you probably won't notice or care! Happy Wedding Day! Smiley heart

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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m glad to hear your daughter’s wedding went swimmingly! I know I really just need to trust in the wedding gods 😝 it’s too late now!
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    I think you’re just stressing. Try to breathe Smiley winking. In the grand scheme of things the processional details don’t matter, and you can practice timing til the cows come home but that doesn’t mean day of someone doesn’t get a little nervous and walk too fast. And if they do ? It’s just not a big deal. Probably NOT what you want to hear right now haha, but: at my ceremony, the song was supposed to change before I walked down the aisle. So the other song ends. There’s a pause , and then ....nothing. I see the DJ kind of waving at me but I can’t tell if it’s a “hold on, gimme a sec!” wave or a “come on down, everything is broken, just proceed !” kind of wave. So I waited a bit. And finally just decided to go ahead and go for it cuz the waiting seemed silly, regardless. Timing out the window, because there was no song. .....and I didn’t care AT ALL. Once I was walking I was so in the moment and completely unaware of sound and totally overwhelmed with love seeing all my friends and family and my almost-husband beaming up there waiting for me. Music didn’t matter. It was the last thing in my mind. Time was meaningless.

    i mostly forget the processional music incident when considering the “things that went wrong” on my wedding day. Things went wrong, they just do, they just will, but they all feel so minor in the grand scheme of things, and the only thing that matters is the love and support and excitement surrounding you. After the ceremony the dj was falling over himself in apology and I just laughed , like “dude I really could not possibly care LESS about that in this moment right now” — because I just married the LOVE OF MY LIFE!

    in talking about it later to people 90% did not even notice the lack of music and those who did were like “oh lol, I just thought you were trying to make a dramatic entrance” and no one realized anything was actually “wrong”

    all this to say, please don’t sweat the small details of the rehearsal. You got in a little practice. You are as prepared as you can be. You got this, girl!
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Oh god that is my worst fear is for our music to be timed goofy 🙈 But I think you are totally right, in sure once the doors open I will forget about everything!! I’m just soo nervous. I don’t know what to do with my hands! Or when to turn! Or anything! 🤣 But I’m sure you are 100% right that none of it matters at the end of the day. I will be married the same!!
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2019
    Ashley ·
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    My rehearsal was yesterday best man showed up plastered to the point where he couldn't walk straight. He was being loud and obnoxious the whole time. Fh pulled him aside and told him if he was like that at the wedding (today) then don't bother showing up
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    I understand what you want, because I want my wedding party to walk/stand the same way. Like in reverse order. Just don't cave in, and get what you want!!

    My thought is, whether your coordinator understands your vision or not, it's your wedding, so she should shut the heck up and do what you want. Don't try to change what the bride and groom want for their wedding!! Her job is to help. Not create more stress. I'm sorry that's happening to you. Hopefully, she'll get a grip before the actual wedding.

    Don't stress on the decor. Even though you didn't get to do a final walk thru (and can you say "rude" for the way you were ousted), I'm sure everything will be fine. Remember that guests rarely remember that sort of stuff anyway. All they will remember is how beautiful you look, and what fun they had at your wedding. Good luck!!

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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Aww omg Ashley that sounds like a nightmare!!! I’m so sorry! I hope your best man shows up sober today!!
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    Oh thank you so much Cristy I really appreciate your kind words. My thoughts exactly on the venue coordinator! I was thinking to myself she should be asking what I want. If I don’t know what I want then she can give suggestions. I know it will all be great and it will fly by. Thanks again I really appreciate the support!!
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    My pleasure!! I get how stressful this all can be, and it seems to me that the closer you get to your date, the more stressful it can get!! I am trying to minimize my stress by asking myself the question: what can I do to control this? If the answer is nothing, then I have to make myself let it go. There are too many actual problems in our lives and our world to be stressing over the things we can't even control. At the end of the day, you are marrying the one you love, and that is what is most important.

    So, control what you can, and let the rest go!! Enjoy your day!! I'm sure it will be beautiful!

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