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Expert September 2019

Rehearsal dinner $

Vanessa, on May 11, 2019 at 11:30 AM

Hey y’all! How do we politely asked my future father in law to pay for the rehearsal dinner?😂 my father is paying for the entire venue ($15,000 +), my mom and step dad are paying for cake, DJ, my dress, photographer, florals, bridal shower, ect. ($6,000+), my future mother in law and her husband just booked our 8 day honey moon cruise on Royal Caribbean ($4,500+). Wedding is 4 months away now and my future father in law has yet asked us if we needed any help or what he can help with like the rest of our parents have. We want to have our rehearsal dinner at our wedding venue because it’s convenient for everyone to just go to one spot and they have an amazing menu for occasions as such. We would have to asked him for $600-700 to cover the rehearsal dinner... thinking that’s nkthing compared to what the rest of our family is paying.
He can most certainly afford it so that is not the issue so please don’t leave comments about it being expensive for him. We just don’t know if he is waiting for us to ask and such.
Also we are aware that we are extremely blessed to have family that is able to provide us with the wedding we have always dreamed and wanted. We are forever grateful.

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78 Comments

Expert June 2020
Pattie · on May 11, 2019 at 9:52 PM
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Agreed. I think it’s awkward and inappropriate. I’d just pay for it yourself if he has not offered. There is no obligation for him to do anything. It’s your wedding not his. Order pizza. Have a bbq. There is nothing wrong with being low key
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 11, 2019 at 9:55 PM
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Opinions are not truths.
Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 11, 2019 at 10:08 PM
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Congrats on the home! My mom and lost her home so FH and I are trying to get her a new home before the wedding and before we get ours next year I definitely understand how stressful it can be with a new home, wedding planning, and being on the younger side. FH and I have been saving up a lot and FH has been very smart with his money and investing a ton in the last couple years which is why we have been able to to afford what we can. If you really don’t want to pay for the rehearsal dinner You can definitely ask your FH to ask his father If he is willing to pay for the dinner.
Beginner May 2019
Ana · on May 11, 2019 at 10:17 PM
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What an awesome family you guys have!! I’m so happy to see how all your family is willing to help and bless you even more! I’m sure your stepdad will love to pay for your RD and like the rest of your family, giving you guys the wedding of your dreams!! Congrats! And I hope you don’t listen to the sour comments in here, enjoy your dream wedding, I’m so happy for you!!!!
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 11, 2019 at 10:28 PM
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Thanks for the sweet words! I hope everything works out for you, your FH, and your mom! It’s not that we cannot afford the dinner we definitely can. If we could afford a house and bills I think we can afford a little rehearsal dinner but my future mother in law just thinks it wouldn’t hurt to ask him since we haven’t included him really in any wedding planning, well cause he’s a guy and men aren’t usually into this stuff and just say “when, where, and what time” and they’ll be there, you know. Lol
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 11, 2019 at 10:29 PM
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Thank you for your sweet comment ❤️ It’s not my step dad, we are wanting to ask my future father in law to help with the rehearsal dinner. Congratulations I see you are a “just said yes!”
Expert June 2019
Angela · on May 11, 2019 at 10:30 PM
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Ok.....Anyways, best of luck.
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 11, 2019 at 10:34 PM
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🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Dedicated August 2019
Sylvia · on May 12, 2019 at 1:19 AM
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You are indeed fortunate to have so much support from your family. That's wonderful!
I think you should turn this on it's head and pay for it yourselves. It would be an amazing way for you and your future husband to turn the wedding rehearsal dinner into a Thank You dinner. Paying for it and taking the time to thank everyone for their support would be a meaningful gesture.
In that way, you can take the expectation off of what your dad isn't doing and turn your hearts instead towards what is being done by so many.
Btw... I wouldn't use that time to subtly hint at your Dad to do something. He will do what he desires to do for you in his time.
I hope this helps you.
Super October 2019
Kelly · on May 12, 2019 at 6:10 AM
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What an amazing family that y’all have.
Honestly, depending on ur FH & his fathers relationship I would just bring it up to him. So many ppl are providing so much - that he might not know how to contribute, and he might not want to step on anyone’s toes.

If it was me, I would simply say - don’t want to be presumptuous but I wasn’t sure if you were looking for a way to contribute to the wedding. If you were, it would be amazing if you could host the rehearsal dinner.

Good luck!
Devoted December 2019
Samantha · on May 12, 2019 at 7:00 AM
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This is the perfect comment 😊❤️
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 12, 2019 at 8:04 AM
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Thank you for your kind words! Thank you ❤️
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 12, 2019 at 8:05 AM
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Thank you I appreciate it 😁❤️
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on May 12, 2019 at 8:05 AM
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Yes it truly is!
Devoted August 2019
Ali · on May 12, 2019 at 8:37 AM
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We are literally in the same boat. My dad has paid for the whole wedding. Right around 18000 I think. We paid for our honeymoon and his parents didnt pay for anything. His family is also extremely well off way more than mine lol.
So we went over there one day and I was just like "Donna (fmil) are you ready for your wedding job the rehersal dinner is all yours" and just left it at that lol and she ended up being excited to help
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on May 13, 2019 at 12:50 PM
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If he hasn't offered, I wouldn't expect him too. Has he brought it up with your fiancé, saying he would pay for it?
Savvy August 2020
Morgan · on May 13, 2019 at 12:56 PM
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This might be something that your partner should ask him - maybe to bring up in conversation that all you have left to book is the rehearsal dinner, maybe hinting that way wouldn't be as blunt. I also feel like this depends on the kind of person that he is. Some people want you to flat out ask, some people it needs to be suggested to.

I hope this all makes sense, I feel like I really didn't answer your question but I hope this somehow helps!
Devoted August 2019
Ali · on May 13, 2019 at 12:57 PM
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I read some of them I think its ridiculous.
Yes it's your wedding your choice but if you are combining families everyone should pitch in it's a big day for both families and if they can help I see no harm in asking especially if your side has been pitching in
Dedicated August 2019
Justine · on May 13, 2019 at 1:07 PM
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There's no way to politely ask someone to pay for a party that is for you and your FH. I know It's tradition but a lot of times the bride's father doesn't even pay for anything. I don't want to sound harsh in any way, however. I know you didn't mean to acome across as entitled. Everyone's situation is different and if you and your FH know that his dad is a more passive agressive type who wants to feel needed, maybe you could just ask him if he plans on helping. I just don't know how that would come across though. Some people are less sensitive than others. It might come across as entitled or he might be very happy you came to him. Depends on what kind of person he is. I would personally ask my FH.

Dedicated August 2019
Justine · on May 13, 2019 at 2:39 PM
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Stay strong, girl! You seem to have your head on straight and seem very mature for your age. If the comments are hurting your feelings, maybe ignore them. I wouldn't keep posting about not having to explain myself and my siatuation and then doing just that in the same post. You're 100% right about that first part, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You are your own person and don't let anyone push you so far that you retaliate by talking about how well you're doing in life. Give all glory to God and count it as persecution. I know that it can be bothersome that people are assuming that you can't afford something when you clearly didn't say that but just take that as a time to feel blessed for what you know you have. I hope it all works out.