Rehearsal dinner $

I'm stunned.

Granted, we are all different people with different backgrounds and families....

However, I can't imagine expecting/anticipating others to pay for choices... my preferences.... my wedding.

If, as you've stated "you can afford it." Than how could you possibly justify asking someone else, qualifying why they should and their financial personal situation, as well as justifying this by qualifying others contributions?

I'm stunned.

It is not appropriate to ask. This is Your choice to get married and Your wedding... not your FIL or anyone else. Therefore your responsibility/investment. No one else's.

How incredible that you have people in your life that are happy to help to such a large amount.

In my opinion... and as you closed your post out, focus on being "forever grateful." And not on what more you want from others.

View Quoted Comment Amen. A few hundred out of pocket is nothing compared to what everyone else has already given

View Quoted Comment I have to say, I agree with this. But I am 30, and since you're a lot younger and likely fresh out of your parents house, it might be a slightly different situation!

View Quoted Comment Thank you I appreciate your input!

The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be your way of saying “thank you” to your friends and family for helping/being part of your wedding. That means you are taking them all to a nice dinner. You pay.

I wouldn’t ask. Pay for it yourself. Have no expectations of anyone for your wedding. If people offer to help then great.

I don’t think you should ask you have already been given a lot in my opinion FH and I are paying 100% of the wedding the only help we are getting is my mom is making the cake for us, my stepdad is making the arch, FH mom bought my rehearsal dinner dress. I’m still in college and FH graduates from college 2 years ago we have 2 dogs that require a lot of items and vet bills and we are still able to afford our dream wedding as well as a great 2 week honeymoon. On top of that we are planning to move in into a house in the next year. I don’t mean to be rude and I apologize I’m advance if it is coming off that way but I truly believe if FH and I are able to do all this on our own with the amount we have been able to save then anyone can. You should just pay for the rehearsal dinner instead of trying to force someone to pay for it by the looks of it you guys haven’t payed for anything out of your own pocket and it’s great you have very supportive family who is able to pay for things don’t get me wrong not trying to get you down for that. I wish my family was able to help out but they can’t. I’m just trying to say it doesn’t hurt you to pay for something yourself and shouldn’t be trying to get money from people. Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. Plan to do it yourself if he does not offer, don't ask.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!!!

I agree, don't ask, hopefully he will offer. Since he isn't with your fiancees Mom anymore, he may be clueless, or she probably would have made sure that it was covered.

It could be, he doesn't know that etiquette dictates that the grooms parents cover the rehearsal, because traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding.

Times have changed alot, some people, including my fiancee and I are paying for everything ourselves.
But, we are older and have an established household already.

Hopefully, it will all work out the way you want😊
Good luck

View Quoted Comment We are also 20 years old and have just bought our first home 2 months ago. Everyone is nit picking at every little thing on this post but I don’t feel like I have to explain that we are 20 years old and have purchased our first home. There aren’t a lot of 20 year olds I know that have a lot like us accomplished, so yeah our families are proud of us and they want to do the best they can to let us have the wedding of our dreams.

No polite way to ask you pay if no one offers. It can be simple pizza and drinks. He knows he can offer.

Your FH knows his father. So he know if he’s a man that needs to be asked or if he’s a man that offers help.
My dad is a firm believer in “closed mouths don’t get fed” meaning if you don’t ask, you don’t receive. So talked to your FH, I feel he knows deep down what’s going on.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

It sounds like you know already what you want to do so Im not going to suggest otherwise, it sounds like maybe you are looking for input on how to ask or guide the conversation. I’d advise letting your partner talk to his parents if both parents are in the picture or father if it is just him and then plan from there. Thank them for the ways in which they are contributing already - maybe they’re going to all the tastings or floral appts, etc. and those are important to recognize and support. Then, bring up what you would like from them and how much the dinner costs. I wouldn’t suggest bringing up what another parent is contributing because that shouldn’t really have any bearing over how much another parent contributes to your wedding - everyone’s finances are different. Like you mentioned in your post, it seems like an awkward conversation to have but it sounds like you’re looking for clarity if your in-laws to be will be providing any resources, so I’d ask ASAP and then move forward in your planning!

I dont think it's wrong to bring it up in conversation. I like what a pp said about asking if he'd like to host the rehearsal dinner. That way you're not specifically asking for money, but also a way to involve him in the planning.
My family is very traditional so my parents did not want us paying for any of our wedding. They've had a hard time understanding that FH family is not the same way and we'll just be lucky that they attend the wedding. Everyone's family is different so I don't think it's fair for people to put you down for asking. It is very traditional for the groom's family to cover the rehearsal dinner anyways.
If he doesnt want to then you'll just have to cover it, but doesn't hurt to ask.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your kind works and input! I appreciate it all ❤️

View Quoted Comment My family is the same way and his mom and step dad pays for all of their kids honey moon cruises (unless they wanted otherwise) but it’s tradition for them it’s just what they do! I don’t think it would hurt if we asked his dad about the rehearsal dinner. If he says no we move on and do it ourselves. No biggie

It would be rude to ask. If he hasn't offered by now, he likely won't and that is OK.

Just because comments are truthful and perhaps not what you want to hear does not make them negative.
Either way it sounds like you’ve already made your decision as to what to do, so best of luck to you.