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Vanessa
Expert September 2019

Rehearsal dinner $

Vanessa, on May 11, 2019 at 11:30 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 78
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Hey y’all! How do we politely asked my future father in law to pay for the rehearsal dinner?😂 my father is paying for the entire venue ($15,000 +), my mom and step dad are paying for cake, DJ, my dress, photographer, florals, bridal shower, ect. ($6,000+), my future mother in law and her husband just booked our 8 day honey moon cruise on Royal Caribbean ($4,500+). Wedding is 4 months away now and my future father in law has yet asked us if we needed any help or what he can help with like the rest of our parents have. We want to have our rehearsal dinner at our wedding venue because it’s convenient for everyone to just go to one spot and they have an amazing menu for occasions as such. We would have to asked him for $600-700 to cover the rehearsal dinner... thinking that’s nkthing compared to what the rest of our family is paying.
He can most certainly afford it so that is not the issue so please don’t leave comments about it being expensive for him. We just don’t know if he is waiting for us to ask and such.
Also we are aware that we are extremely blessed to have family that is able to provide us with the wedding we have always dreamed and wanted. We are forever grateful.

78 Comments

Latest activity by Brooke, on May 26, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you want a rehearsal dinner, you pay for it unless someone offers. You don’t ask for money. It doesn’t matter how much money he has or how much anyone else has contributed. It would be rude to ask.
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I think the only way to gauge whether he is willing to host the rehearsal dinner is to talk about the rehearsal dinner lol. You guys can have a convo with him about the wedding plans in general and maybe say "all we have left to do is figure out the RD." If he doesn't bite, then you have your answer. You guys can definitely host your own RD. We are paying for the majority of our wedding, about 70 to 75%. If my FMIL hadn't offered to host our RD, we would have done it ourselves. Hope it works out for you.
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    Thank you ❤️
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    You're welcome!
  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
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    It is a very awkward conversation to have, especially when you don't know someone's intentions.

    When we first got engaged, my parents offered to cover the deposit ($3k) on the venue and maybe a few expenses later down the road. Not wanting to feel guilty about my parents already helping us with so much, my FH wanted to ask his dad if he planned on helping. It took a little bit, but he agreed to host the rehearsal dinner so long as we tried the place out first. (He's worked in that environment for years, so he knows his stuff). My FFIL also thought it would be a great way to welcome my FH's family from CA has many had not been to the east coast.

    It wouldn't hurt to ask, but don't make it sounds like you're ungrateful. If he says no, that's fine. Just have a smaller get together that you can afford for the party afterwards.


  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You don’t. If he wants to pay, he will offer. If not, you pay. You’re the one who wants a rehearsal dinner, it’s your responsibility.
  • Hermione
    Expert February 2020
    Hermione ·
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    I think this is a don't ask. Is the rehearsal dinner needed? His financial health may not be as good as your other family. $600-700 would be a lot of money to me. Love isn't about money.

    It's generally not considered polite to ask for money and I would recommend either covering it yourselves or just not having it. We're not having a rehearsal dinner.
  • Angela
    Expert June 2019
    Angela ·
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    I think you should pay for your rehearsal dinner yourself. Considering you already have about $26k of a wedding/honeymoon you’ve chosen to have yourself paid for by others, it’s not much at all in the grand scheme of things for you to pay $600 or so yourself for the rehearsal dinner. If he hasn’t offered, you can’t expect him to pay for it.
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    If you cant afford a $600 rehersal dinner out of pocket, I guess you should start saving money.
  • Samantha
    Devoted December 2019
    Samantha ·
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    I wouldn’t ask. If he wants to or feels comfortable paying for something he will offer. Otherwise, I would just pay for it myself and not take it personally
  • Cassy
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassy ·
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    The only way i could think of without just coming out and asking is to talk about the rehearsal dinner in front of him and talk about how it’s the last thing you guys need to take care of. If he doesn’t offer I wouldn’t ask. No one in your family is obligated to pay for your wedding, and you’re extremely lucky that the majority will be paid for by the rest of your family. $600-$700 isn’t much compared to the rest of the expenses, I’d say pay for the rehearsal dinner yourself.

  • Grace
    Expert June 2019
    Grace ·
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    I don’t think there’s a polite way to do it. Especially for you to ask, maybe your FH could ask if he thought his dad wouldn’t be annoyed but I think anyone would be a little annoyed if they were asked for money. I agree with the PP maybe you can just bring up the planning of the rehearsal dinner and see if he brings up paying for it himself, otherwise I wouldn’t ask him
  • Kristen
    VIP June 2020
    Kristen ·
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    100% agree with this. This applies to all wedding related expenses. FH and I haven’t asked for a penny, his parents offered to give us money for the honeymoon and we accepted. The rest we will cover based on our budget
  • thisismrsb
    Expert June 2019
    thisismrsb ·
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    It's always an awkward situation to ask people for money. As someone with a very low income, I still have to depend on my parents for a lot of things, financially. When I'm married, that responsibility will go to my husband. I don't always like to ask my parents for money, but they have the mentality that "we do for our children."

    If you do ask, be careful how you you ask. "We were wondering if you wanted to host the RD?" Don't bring up what other people are paying for, because that can have the potential to turn the conversation ugly. You don't want him to feel uncomfortable.

    It kind of seems like you are already feeling uncomfortable with the prospect of asking him. Of anything, you can just host it yourselves.
  • FutureMrsC
    Expert October 2019
    FutureMrsC ·
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    I'm sorry to say this, but if he planned on helping financially with the wedding he would've brought the topic up himself and offered by now. At 4 months out, this conversation would've been had if he wanted to have it. We did not ask a single soul for help, anyone that is helping offered it themselves. Asking anyone to cover your wedding expenses pus people in a potentially awkward and uncomfortable situation. You're very lucky you're getting so much help as it is.
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    Excuse me, Mandi. I never once said we couldn’t pay for all of these things 😉
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Then why feel the need to ask?
  • VIP September 2019
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    I wouldn't ask personally because I think it is rude. If he offers great if not be grateful for what you have already received and pay out of pocket for the rehearsal dinner.
  • Amber
    Devoted April 2022
    Amber ·
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    Agreed! If your family is already paying for everything else, you should pay for the RD yourselves or not have one. I wouldn’t ask for money from your FFIL just because other family members have OFFERED their financial help. It’s not ok to EXPECT the financial help.
  • C
    Super January 2020
    Cassie ·
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    You don’t ask, even if you know he can afford it. If he offers than allow him but otherwise you should plan to pay for it yourself.
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