Rehearsal Dinner (where should you draw the line?)

Wth, only bridal party and thats it, offer a list of activites other people can do around town if they are feeling left out--- theres absolutely no reason why u need to have everyone there, unless you have the money and want to splurge.

I would just keep it at the parents, those participating in the wedding and their Plus Ones. Most people I have talked to didn't even realize that it was proper etiquette to invite out of towners to the RD and said they probably wouldn't go if asked

We are mostly all out of town. We are doing family from out of town from both sides and the bridal party w/ plus 1s. It's going to be 50-60 people (I wish it would be smaller but its up to FMIL since she's hosting it).

However- my best friend got married in august and only did bridal party, both sets of parents, and grandparents. and it was great!

In your case option 1 makes more sense. If everyone is from out of town, it makes no sense for it to include out of town guests, then you've got to budget for another reception practically!

What you could do instead is have a "welcome package" for your guests that has little treats, advil, maps, sightseeing activities and whatnot.

My parents will be hosting the rehearsal dinner, and even though we're "in town" most of our guests are not. So they're renting a hall, putting out finger food and having a cash bar if people want to drink. It's less of a rehearsal dinner and more of a "welcome to town" gathering. There won't be any speeches or gift exchanging.

Wherever you draw the line, make it clear. Don't invite some out of town guests and not others. Keep it to bridal party and immediate family if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I have been to a fewweddings where everyone from out of town was invite. That being said, I am not a fan of that. We are doing, bp, immediate family, and our officiant, and any plus ones. That alone for us is about 30 people, and we are keeping it to that.

I would keep it to the people you listed. I've only recently heard that OOT guest get invited sometimes and in your case that makes no sense. We aren't in the same situation and we're still keeping it to about the same group as you. Even inviting aunts and uncles increases the list by about 20 for us.

My motto in planning for my wedding has evolved to - who ever is paying has power. My FILs are paying for our rehearsal dinner. they are fantastic (thankfully) but our list is just as you described -- also including the people who are doing readings and their guests. But this was a decision we made with them. You need to decide what is the best for you and go with that -- i know it is easier said than done!

For what it is worth I have never heard of inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner

No, you shouldn't invite OOT guests. It can easily turn into a big, orchestrated event that costs too much, stresses you out too much, and takes up too much time.

Bridal party, their S/O's, parents, guest readers, minister/officiant (if they're going to run the rehearsal) and that is it. Have a quick run through (if you even plan on doing that) and have a casual get together to thank the participants.

Unfortunately we were kinda coerced into having a much LARGER celebration. My cousin got married last year and there were gobs of people at her rehearsal dinner, and so my mother got it in her head that that is the standard. FMIL is paying for the first 50 people, and my parents are paying for the other 16. (that comes to 66 total!)

Its bridal party and plus ones.

Anyone involved the ceremony (readers, our siblings, etc)

Parents, and aunts and uncles

First cousins

Grandparents

Some of the OOT guests

and the Local family members that the oot guests are staying with.

We are doing parents, grandparents, our siblings, and bridal party only. For the bridal party, we will not be inviting their plus ones. Only one person in the bridal party is married or engaged, and one BM has a long term boyfriend. Their SOs are invited, but we couldn't afford to invite the others' random dates. Everyone is friends, from town, and we plan to keep it short, so we didn't think it would be that big of a deal to hang with your friends for an hour. If it was in the budget, we would love to have everyone who could come for an informal dinner, but we just can't do it.

I'm in the same position as you. All of my side of the guest list except 1 person is from OOT. I'm not sure at this point if I'll be able to have a rehearsal. It depends on everyone travel schedule. If I do it will only include our parents, the wedding party and their plus one. They will be allow to bring their kids but they will have to pay for them.

Thank you everyone, this really helped! Bridal party, plus 1s, parents, grandparents...done!

My sister got married a few years ago and her MIL INSISTED on following traditional etiquette and invited ALL OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. It was an open bar 96 person event. My sister felt like it almost upstaged her wedding of 130 people. I remember her feeling like she should have just worn her dress two nights in a row.

As for us- we're doing family + wedding party and plus ones. That's it.

Where the heck did you read that you NEED to invite all your OOT guests to your RD?? That's just riduculous crazy advice. This is example of why you can't believe everything you read online.

If you have the extra extra money sure invite your whole guest list to the rehearsal dinner.

We're just inviting bridal party and plus ones, and parents. Just a simple dinner at a restaurant for 22 people...

I travelled to a wedding out of town (cousin's wedding) and was not invited to any rehearsal dinners, they did have a brunch for us the next day, which we are doing as well... brunch following morning in the host hotel is all that you need really for OOT guests.

I also feel with large rehersal dinners, almost the size of the wedding, isn't that kind of rude to the 10% of the guest list that is NOT invited??? I would HATE to be part of that 10%..... its much more understanding to not be invited when its only bridal party and immediate family...

IMO inviting OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner is a stupid rule. The rehearsal dinner is to feed people who "rehearsed". That's it. OOT guests should be able to feed themselves. If you want to have an event where you can visit with your guests more, lots of people have a brunch the day after the wedding, but even that isn't necessary.

We're struggling with this, too. Technically, it only needs to be your wedding party and their dates, immediate family, and sometimes the officiant. Extending it to all out-of-town guests can quickly get out of hand. However, in my case, there are a few people I want there who don't technically fall into those groups (an aunt I'm close to, for one). But if I extend an invite to her, that pretty much guarantees that other aunts (1 in particular, who I'd rather not have there for various reasons) will feel excluded, so it's tricky. In the end, just do what works for you and your budget.

We're in a similar boat with 90% of our guests being from OOT, so we're keeping the rehearsal to wedding party and immediate family and then hosting a "welcome drinks" for all other out of town people.

Parents, Grandparents, wedding party, and Pastor.

The only people who *have* to be invited to the rehearsal dinner are the people attending the rehearsal. And of course it's common courtesy to extend the invites to spouses/partners. But anyone beyond that is purely up to you.

OOT guests are not invited according to 'traditional' etiquette. Actually, it's against that etiquette, because it looks like stealing the thunder from the wedding (in the traditional etiquette scenario where the parents of the groom pay for the RD).

Stick to your guns. Tell them I said so.