Rehearsal Dinner Fight

I then quickly asked him when his grandparents, great aunt and great uncle became members of the wedding party. He got all upset with me and then said he blames his parents for this mess. Then reminded me that I was being unreasonable to expect his parents to pay for these extra peoples meals. I told him that we were asking his parents to pay $250 towards the wedding while my parents have paid $6K. To say the least the conversation ended right then and there. Sorry for rambling I just wanted to vent about this. Am I in the wrong here or is he?

Well, when you take into account how much your parents have spent versus his parents, it seems like he is in the wrong. However, initially, it seemed to me that your parents should not have invited all those ppl YET they offered to pay for them. So, I do think what is the problem with FH because his side of the family has extra people. I really think - just invite everyone.....It's either all OR none (just essential, wedding party people).

I think since his parents have agreed to pay for those people then it is fine. They knew about it - it's not like you've been inviting people behind their back. And yeah, I have the same thoughts about the wedding myself. FH and I are paying for most of the wedding, my parents are under the impression that they're paying for it all (ironically they don't seem to catch the figures don't match the amount they're giving) and my in laws are paying for photography and the rehearsal dinner. Now I know they have a kid just starting college right around our wedding day, but I'm still in college and my parents are still footing the bill for that as well (for which I will eternally be grateful) and our families make pretty much the same amount of money, and FH and I are basically going to be going on some sort of assistance program once we get married we're so broke and everything goes to the wedding. They could totally chip in more and it drives me bonkers! But it's their money.

I don't have a large wedding so the extra people that were invited are like my family. My friends mom is like my second mom. I have spent probably as much time at her house than I have my own. lol. Same can be said for my aunts bosses. It just really irritates me that he thinks I should dis-invite people who are indirrectly my family because he thinks his parents shouldn't have to pay $250 to accommodate all 25 guests.

Sorry I meant to say I don't have a large family. lol. Man wedding is on the brain.

Oh, and FH and FH's family have WAY more people on the guest list than I do. So I'm getting irritated.

Believe me when I say that is the case with us wowjunkie. FH has a Texas sized family. lol. His cousin is more like his brother. I can not compete with that at ALL. I can count my family on my fingers. lol. When I went to Texas last Thanksgiving to meet his family I was completely overwhelmed because there were 50 people over and that was only about half of his family. The other half couldn't make it.

Wow incredibly stupid FH (no offense)...excuse me but $250 for 25 people is a steal of a deal.

Yeah my parents talked to the manager of the buffet and worked out a deal for the rehearsal dinner because they thought they were going to pay for it. Well then my in laws agreed to pay for it and ever since then it has been a night mare since they informed us they had a cap of how many people we were allowed to invite and all this other stuff. And of course now 9 days before the dinner and I am getting yelled at by my FH over an extra $60 that my parents agreed to pay for in the first place.

Yeah, my family is technically bigger, but his actually shows up to stuff - mine won't. And I'm not as close to my family as he is to his. And we have to have 100 people for our contract and FH and I are kind of introverted - friendly, but we don't want casual acquaintances there that day - we want close friends. So I asked my parents if they had anyone extra they wanted and they gave me a few names - all people I mainly forgot. And then I called his mom and she starts rattling off HER great aunt Ruth who FH's never met but FMIL just wants to be there so badly yadayadayada. And they're contributing yes, but not nearly as much as anyone else. FH and I are putting in about $4000, my parents $2500 and his $1500, maybe $1800 tops with the rehearsal dinner. And my parents are offering to help us financially once we're married. And they're paying for my schooling. And they have their own expenses. Now in general I think it's rude to expect money from people but I'm irritated that it's uneven

My parents said they could afford for 50 people. Once we had the number we literally divided that number by 4. My parents got to choose 12 people, his parents chose 12 people and then FH and I both got to choose 12 people each. Well after we did that I had a bunch of wholes and he had a bunch of extra people. So we filled in my wholes with his people.

$250 for about 25 people that is GREAT.. considering my father paid for then that for less people for mothers day.. that was for 17 people.. and that was my family and my FH mom and step dad.. not to think about how many more it'd be to include wedding party and his real dad for the rehearsal dinner.. and this was at a regular family resturant nothing fancy or anything.. I think you're in the right considering like you mentioned, your parents offered to pay and knowing they are already paying soo much toward the wedding. IF this is what and how his parents and help then go for it.. he'll get over it maybe he was just in a bad mood.. Its not like it was the first time he heard all these people were going??

Actually it is the first time he is hearing about these people. He has not been involved at all in the planning per his choice.

He's such a guy... they want to be oblivious and then when they find out they truly are oblivious.. they wig out and want to put their foot down.

My family is paying for my dress, some of the food and part of the photography (they gave me a cap on the photography at 500 bucks.. seriously? ever tried to hire a photographer for that much? it's like a slap in the face!! So we're trying to throw in more as we go) His father is paying zilch... his father is, um, special. Anyway, so.. here we are footing about 90% if the bill ourselves on my unemployment. NOT fun!

Oooo ok.. but at the same time, being the first time he heard about it, due to his choice in not wanting to know before. you're still in the right.. :-D

UGH!! And now he thinks that our guests should chip in money and that we should help his parents out with the bill. $250 and we are now supposed to be chipping in. I so don't think so and not one of the guests is throwing in one dime!!!

Gonna stick my 2cents in, If the invitations are already sent, then I think your stuck with the extra ppl. If not, I always refer back to Emily Post especially about wedding etiquette. Who attends: Those invited should include the members of the wedding party (except for the flower girl and ring bearer), the officiant, the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom, and the siblings of the bride and groom if they are not in the wedding party. If the bride or groom has stepparents, they are invited with their spouses but should not be seated next to former spouses. The wedding party’s husbands, wives, fiancées, fiancés, and live-in companions should be invited, but it’s not obligatory that they have dates. The children of the bride or groom from a previous marriage also attend, unless they are too young. After that, any number of people MAY be invited (totally optional), such as out-of-town guests, close friends, aunts and uncles, and godparents. Jr bms or jr gms added if early.

I'm with Fran. Go back to the rules of etiquette if necessary. Besides, everyone will get to see all those extra people at the wedding and reception. The more people invited--well it almost turns into two wedding receptions. My advice, keep the rehearsal dinner to Bridal Party, Officiant, Parents, spouses of bridal party and parents of children. Good Luck!

I totally don't think you are in the wrong here!

My FILs are paying for the rehearsal dinner. We invited the wedding party and their spouses, the ushers and their spouses, the guestbook and program attendants and their spouses, ring bearers, flowergirls, parents, and grandparents. In all, we have about 50.

Initially we were going to have it catered. Well, my FMIL asked for a rough guesstimate of how many people we thought would be coming...I told her probably around 50 or so. Well, she got flustered and decided that she was going to cater it herself rather than pay someone else...which I'm fine with.

But, what irritates me is that she complains about money, however she volunteered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. And that's it...She shouldn't be complaining...if anyone is complaining it should be my parents who are paying $10K for the wedding (but they aren't complaining at all!). It's just irritating...I could go on...

@Jessica My FMIL is doing the same thing. The funny part is that their family does absolutely everything together so all of the extra people are coming from their side! It's so frustrating!