regretting save the dates

Good advice, Bethanie. STDs are not a necessary part of the wedding planning; in fact, weddings in the past have gone off just as planned without STDs. I think the popularity of STDs is based in the fact that they are one of the first "wedding things" a bride gets to do. There are so many reasons not to send them: budget disasters that may eventually change the guest list, the wedding date may need to be changed after the STDs have been sent out, or the wedding may be cancelled. If any of those things happen, you're faced with the unenviable task of contacting all the recipients of the STDs.

I haven't done them and not planning on doing them, I think they're a waste of time and money.

I guess I would hope your circle of people wouldn't change that much over a 6 month period at most between STDs and invites but I guess this is good advice for some.

Agree. We started thinking about shrinking our wedding after we were partway into planning...and that would not have been possible after sending STDs.

Trying to convince my FH's daughter to not send STDs to their preliminary guest list of 350+ people...but only to the closest friends and family.

STD's are the devil.

The people you will/will not want there will change throughout the year. Put the money somewhere else. Save for the invites, or pay for more food/booze at your reception. Yes, I was given that same advice, didn't listen, and now here I am telling you

I just wish that I wouldn't have sent save the dates to my dad's family. I felt obligated to do so, even though we are not close at all. Now I just wish that I would have sent out wedding annoucements after the wedding. Maybe the advice should be tweaked to say "don't feel obligated to send an invite to everyone, but if you do, don't send STDs because maybe later you will have a change of heart and invite just who you want" Although I know the "invite who you want advice" is always said....but at least in my case it's easier said than done. I've had/still have lots of anxiety over the guest list. Save the dates just weren't the right choice for me, though I'm sure they are for others.

Thanks for letting me rant

It's hard to know that something is going to be the wrong choice for you until after the fact. And they are such a trend right now and it sometimes feels like "everyone is doing them" (though they really aren't....none of my friends sent them when they got married).

But, alas, it's not that huge of a deal. So there are some people being invited that I don't really want to invite. They live in different states and most likely will not come anyway. C'est la vie

My save the dates were "includied" in my photog package...though I could have easily opted out of them and my photog would have deducted the price. Oh well!

We aren't doing them either. Close friends and family know the date and we aren't getting married during a holiday.

I'm not sending STDs to everyone on my guest list, only sending them to the people that definitely need them, like family, the few out of town guests, etc. Our wedding date is really popular so I want to make sure that our guests we really want there will get them in enough time.

I've never considered them... just seem like a wedding industry item to me. Done well, they're cool, but totally unneccessary.

We only sent out 35. If we were on the fence about inviting them, they didn't get one. Our wedding was a distance away from all of our guests, so I wanted to give them time to prepare/save up. So I would say...if your wedding is out of town and people need time to prepare, send them, just don't send them to every person that might be on the guest list.

I agree too. I ended up inviting (via STD) a couple of coworkers that I wish I hadn't bothered.

That's a good idea, too, Kayla

I loved our STDs and didn't regret sending them. However, we ONLY sent them out to the people we absolutely knew we were going to invite. They went to our immediate family, bridal party, a few friends and most of our aunts and uncles. We didn't send them directly to any cousins, coworkers, or our parent's friends.

Such good advice!! We sent save the dates to our family and friends that we knew would be coming...well ended up being everyone on the guest list. I figured if there were other people we could invite without the std...however I did send a couple std that now I wish I didn't just in case I didn't want to invite them.

Oh well I guess.

I wish I would have realized what a lot of you are saying that they should ONLY go to the most VIP guests. I had so many save the date cards and I'm not gonna lie I wanted everyone on my guest list to see them!! Oh well, just trying to save someone else from making my mistake

I agree that you should only send them to people you are 100% sure about. However I don't see how you can set your budget or pick your venue if you don't have a good idea of your guest list at nine months out! Sounds like the guest list is the issue for you and not the STDs.

I waited to book my venue before sending STD (so I had an idea of size/#)- and I only sent to the family/friends I knew were going to be invited.

I'm sending them out since all of my guests are out of town, but I have some estranged fam that I'm debating sending one too, just in case things get stranger :-/

I think this is a per situation subject. For us, most of of out guests live out of town. We also have families that travel a lot. So for us STD's were mandatory because we didn't want people to be away. That being said we only sent them to people we knew without a doubt we were going to invite. If we were a little unsure about a guest they didn't get a STD. So I don't think you can put a blanket "dont send STD's" on it. But you can say only send STD's to those you are 100% sure will be invited.