Reconsidering marriage

Marriage is a huge step. It involves a huge level of commitment. It can be overwhelming and can lead to a lot of stress. You need to sit down and talk calmly with him about whats going on and how you feel. Don't jump right to canceling the wedding, unless you're 110% sure you don't want to be with him. I don't think many relationships continue after that decision is made. Maybe see a couples counselor or speak together with a trusted relative, preacher, etc. Good luck!

I think everyone has moments of questing their decision to get married. But you should know in your gut if getting married is the right decision. No one on here can tell you the right choice. Listen to yourself and trust your gut.

Honestly, if either of you ever have thoughts of, "maybe I don't want to get married.." that's a red flag.

If it were me, I'd postpone and talk to someone.

Nothing causes more fights than wedding planning. We almost broke up so many times while planning. Remember why you wanted to get married in the first place and try to get back to that place. Remember to breathe, also remember to take time for the 2 of you, date night out with NO wedding talks works wonders!

If something like planning your wedding makes you second guess getting married, don't do it. There are much more difficult things you will go through in your life.

I agree with mimitrue- wedding planning is extremely stressful especially if there are external influences (ex: family). I would ask yourself if you can imagine life without you FH-despite the fighting, and I would also suggest, like yourlilfig, counseling before making any decisions, if you are this far in wedding planning there is definitely a reason that I wouldn't give up on so quickly

It sounds like you need help learning how to effectively communicate. All couples have disagreements and NO ONE is perfect - stop expecting that. It's how you choose to handle yourself in those situations that make a difference. Learn to fight fair - use "I" instead of "You". I definitely agree with talking to an impartial, professional counselor.

I definitely agree with the others about sitting down and having a serious conversation about the current issues and maybe see a counselor as well. This is a huge decision. I'd rather lose out on a little money than be stuck in something I might regret for the rest of my life. At the end of the day, your happiness means more. Good luck!

Sweetie, these are your words, and they are the first words you want to utter as soon as you take a seat in a counselor's office, "I might lose money, but i dont have to deal with the BS for the rest of my life." Do you feel the impact of that statement? Today, I've answered questions from brides who are (irrationally) pissed off at some BM who failed to give a name to the plus one she's allowed to invite, a bride who is marrying a father of a child and wants a meaningful vow she can give to them at the altar, the usual nonsense about "Honeyfunds", and a question asking if the bride should trust her mom's friend -- someone who has experience with flowers -- to design her bridal bouquet. In none of those threads did anything as noteworthy as "I might lose money, but i dont have to deal with the BS for the rest of my life" hit me between the eyes.

That's a significant statement, Jeaneen. Nobody, and I mean, nobody, wants you to go ahead and legally bind yourself to someone who elicits that kind of response from you. My gut reaction is that this is more than stress. Why? Because if were just stress, you wouldn't have taken the time to type it out and wait for responses and opinions of other brides. But I don't know you. I don't know him. I don't know your personal situation. My initial reaction is that you slow down (even at this late hour), for your own sake (and for his sake, as well). You must have unresolved issues (after all, you mentioned them). Unresolved issues are so easily covered in white lace, candles, lots of guests, sparkles, champagne, honor attendants, and flowers. Guess what? That stuff lasts for all of a day. After that, you're married to him -- for better or worse.

You've got a a little more than a month to go before you walk that aisle and sign that license. Make an appointment with someone immediately -- either a cleric, a therapist, a CSW, a marriage counselor, etc. Let them know that you're about to walk the aisle. They'll get you in immediately. If they don't, keep calling until you get an appointment with someone who can help you separate your underlying truth from normal stress. You need an unbiased party to spend some time with you so that both of you have an opportunity to say what's on your mind. Don't ignore these feelings. Calling off a wedding, although tragic, painful, and slightly embarrassing, is like a broken limb healing. Divorce is like being brought back from the dead in the ER.

Why don't you consider postponing the wedding and seeking some outside professional help. I wouldn't jump right to canceling the wedding unless you completely want your relationship to end..... in my opinion not many relationship continue after a broken engagement

Have you tried counseling?

Yes to everything CP said. She nailed it.

Postponing a wedding would be a hard thing to do - but as she stated, divorce is awful. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are committing to marry someone you aren't 150% sure is a good idea. That isn't a good way to start a marriage. I wish you the best.

Nothing else needs to be said. Centerpiece has as usual. Nailed it.

I think many couples get stressed with wedding planning and consider eloping. That is quite different that reconsidering getting married at all. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. And I wish you the best with what you decide.

I feel like if things are to the point that your relationship warrants professional counseling - when you're not even married yet - just cut your losses and go.

And cue the judgemental comments ^^^ wtf?? Counseling is a perfectly reasonable suggestion. You could be perfect for each other but have piss poor communication skills, leading to fights. Whether you go through with it or not is your choice, but definitely seek professional assistance before doing so.

@Mimi I can think of about a billion things that would cause more stress-induced fighting than planning a party over the course of a marriage. I don't think you can ignore serious communication problems or hope they will magically resolve because you are wedding planning. Life is full of layoffs, illness, and deaths.

OP, if things are that serious, seek counseling. It will help you develop communication skills, and move in the right direction, whether that direction is moving together or separately. ALL people, regardless of relationship quality can benefit from counseling. We all should approach our relationships and marriages with reason and the correct training.

I think you need to speak with a counselor. I think you are super stressed and should take a step back, breath and talk with through with someone. Counselors help a lot.

As always, what Centerpiece said. Absolutely go talk to someone about how you two solve problems as a team and communicate. Don't rush yourselves, if you have to postpone, do it. It's worth it in the long run to figure things out before you walk down the aisle.

Thank you all. Ill contact a counselor in the morning. I want to have a successful and happy marriage. I know there will be good and bad times and i want he and i to both fight to keep our marriage strong rather than fighting to prove the other is wrong.