Reception only invite

I had a couple who felt like the whole thing had gotten so out of hand that they really wanted to do a little tiny ceremony the day before. I met them in a park with their two moms (witnesses) and we did a sweet little service, visited by three white herons. The bride's grandmother had told her, before she passed, that on her wedding day, she would be visited by three white birds. Needless to say, when those herons landed in the river, there wasn't one dry eye.

They really just wanted a moment to hold on to that was completely theirs. We did their ceremony the next day, but they were totally calmed by the fact that they had that piece of time that was all theirs.

My friend from college did that and her ceremony was private...immediate family and bridal party only at her parents house. Then dinner and reception everyone was at. I'm sure it feels odd missing out on a family members ceremony but if it's really private then it is not rude.

Last year I received a STD to a friend from high schools wedding. About 10 weeks before the wedding, I received the invite for just the reception/dancing at 8pm. Then he contacted me two weeks before the wedding saying "oh so sorry for the mix up, you received the wrong invite! please let us know if you can join us for dinner.." I was B listed and it was not a mix up... I would have preferred not being invited at all.

My cousin did the same thing. They wanted an intimate wedding ceremony with just the parents and siblings. I wasn't offended. The ceremony is for the bride and groom. If they don't want to share that intimate moment with the whole family they shouldn't feel obligated to do so.

If it's immediated family only then understand and maybe explain to them why it is acceptable.

No and i find that very rude. Why invite a person only to reception and not ceremony.

I've been invited to just the ceremony for one and just the reception for another. The families were trying to save on $. It was fine for me.

I think it's weird, but not rude. I wouldn't mind being told I can skip the ceremony and go straight to the party.

But the older generations can be a bit more traditional and put out when things aren't the norm.

It's not rude if they are having a private ceremony of just them or immediate family only. But if I found out they invited like 40+ people then it would be rude.

I wanted to do this SO bad but FH was against it.

Please understand that there are a lot of reasons people do this. Our venue is the small chapel at our church- the main meeting house is not only far too big, but was much much more expensive. There were a lot of people that we wanted to share our special evening with (and party), that we could not accommodate at the church. Also, as Orchid says, we are feeding and providing drinks to folks, too. I guess my thought it that I don't expect that just because I invited someone to either event, they have to give us a gift. To me, gifts are a bonus, but the best part is getting to see and celebrate with people that I care about, but don't get to see very often.

I never really thought about having a private ceremony but I kinda like the idea. I wouldn't be offended.

Yes, My husband and I were, and honestly, we were totally confused by the invitation. I had to call my brother to ask if the couple had inadvertently forgotten to add the ceremony info to the invitation suite.

No, they didn't. I found out, via family info, that the couple had been married several months before in another state. Her family attended, but none of his family were invited (I was part of his family). I have to admit, it felt a little odd to attend a cocktail party -- which is what it was -- with a woman walking around in a bridal gown surrounded by women in BMs dresses when there was no wedding. Yeah, weird. A first time experience for me. Why weren't we invited to the out of state wedding? Probably because most of would have declined. Make of it what you will.

So, there we were, gifts in hand, attending the back end of a wedding that happened months earlier. Hey, the bar was open, top shelf, the food stations were amazing, and while I wish there were more than four or five set tables for senior citizens, we made due standing at hi-boys and conversing in the lobby of the venue. Whatever.

I'd never do it, but they did, and while it didn't feel like a wedding reception (not in the slightest), it was a great night of socializing, eating, and drinking.

I think it depends heavily on the situation. 99.99% of my family is Mormon and they can only have like 10 people at their official "ceremony" thing inside the temple so it's pretty normal here to have tiny ceremonies and huge receptions. We originally wanted a small ceremony, but when we realized how big our reception guest list was getting, we just decided to invite everyone to both since they're all very close friends and family anyway.

I think the bride and groom have the right to a private ceremony. There's a line that's drawn between being a good host and compromising your own desires for your wedding day. This is a very important day in their lives and if they don't want to share it with the world they shouldn't have to. And I believe inviting grandparents and very best friends doesn't violate the immediate family rule. All families and cultures are different. For FH he considers his father's aunts, his cousins and his grandparents all immediate family. He grew up seeing them every day just as you see your siblings and parents daily. I think it's a bit presumptuous to consider all of these scenarios as flat out rude without considering the different family dynamics.

If it's truly private as in just the bride, groom, parents, for example, and they didn't invite anyone else to it then I guess that would be an exception. Still a little strange, but to each their own! But, if they did selectively invite other guests outside of strictly immediate family, then yeah I'd find that rude.

Personally, I think it's rude to invite people to come celebrate the event you didn't invite them to. I don't care if it's an intimate ceremony, still rude imo.

Two of my cousins did this (actually, one told us they got married earlier that day and then surprised us with a ceremony during the reception...) and it wasn't rude at all. They only invited their parents and siblings (plus spouses/kids) to witness their intimate ceremony.

We considered this but ultimately changed to a "invite everyone to both" approach. But initially we wanted the most intimate part, the ceremony to be between us and immediate family. Our ceremony venue didn't work so we moved everything to one location. People should respect your wishes, it's you and your FH's day.

Wanted to add, just because you don't find it rude op doesn't mean that your mom doesn't have a right to her feelings. People have the right to do what they want but they don't get to decide how other people feel about it. Some people won't care and others will. You can't tell your mom that she shouldn't find it rude because you don't think it is. Well you can, but she's going to keep feeling what she's feeling.

We had a private ceremony where the only people that attended were our parents and his grandparents and a reception. I really wanted an intimate ceremony and don't regret it.