Reception food

Either cut your guest list and only invite the number of people you can afford, or find a different venue where you can have more cost-effective catering. Nobody should ever be expected to pay for their own food at a wedding. I can't think of anything ruder.

That is the ultimate wedding “don’t.” You’re hosting the event, and guests shouldn’t have to pay for their own food. Either cut back and don’t serve a meal (which means not having the reception during a regular meal time), or cut back on the guest list. As others have said, it’s extremely rude to ask guests to pay. They shouldn’t have to open their wallets at all whatsoever when it comes to eating.

One thing you could do instead is host your wedding at a non-meal time (such as, from 1:30-4:30pm), and serve appetizers and/or desserts instead of a full meal. This would help save money. If you're holding your wedding during a meal time, you would need to provide a meal. Typically, guests should never be asked to pay for anything at an event you're hosting.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your cousin had the ceremony and served some appetizers and such afterward, and then anyone who wanted to join went to a different venue for dinner and paid for themselves. While not ideal, it sounds like she still hosted an event in some capacity, which is different from what it is appears you are proposing. From reading your explanation, it seems like the ceremony and dinner will be in the same location and you intend to have people pay for their meals at that venue. As others have said, a wedding is a hosted event. If you want to cut costs, you can have it at a non-meal time and serve cake and beverages or appetizers and beverages. Then, once the event is over, people can opt to go to dinner with you all, where they will pay their own way. However, at that point you can kind of consider it a separate event depending on how you look at it. Having them pay for their meal at the wedding itself is similar to if you had guests over for dinner and handed them all a check at the end.

View Quoted Comment This exactly!!!!

As PP have stated, this is extremely tacky. I personally would not go to a wedding that had me pay for my plate. I would happily contribute to a potluck but, not pay for a $45 plate. I would either cut things from your budget or host it at a non-meal time. It really does sound like your cousin did this and then many at the wedding went somewhere else for dinner. Plus a BBQ place is not going to cost $45 per person.

As a kid, I went to a wedding for my mom's coworker (who was marrying my gym teacher, it was super weird). They didn't host a dinner after (everyone was local except some family and the bridal party, family and couple had a special dinner) but, they hosted a reception at a local restaurant a couple of hours later. This way if people wanted to they could buy food but, also could get some in-between at a price point they were comfortable with. I would never do that (mostly because my wedding is a "destination" wedding) but, it worked for them and I don't think anyone really noticed.

What you’re proposing also sounds like a logistical nightmare—most traditional wedding venues (which it sounds like you booked), require full payment (or a substantial payment) prior to the wedding. Do you want to spend the last few weeks before your wedding (which are already going to be stressful enough) chasing your guests for the $45/person to pay the venue? They’re most likely not going to take guests’ cards or cash the night of the wedding like a restaurant.

Never heard of this... We definitely wouldn’t go, because paying $45 per person and most likely not being able to eat much (vegans) would be obnoxious. I’m assuming you sent all the invites out already? If not, I would only invite the amount within your budget.
Best wishes!

View Quoted Comment Any time you host an event it is very rude to have people pay for their meal or anything for that matter even if it is family. You are the one inviting them so therefore you are the host and should accommodate your guests. Im sure they will also be bringing gifts and its very tacky to expect them to pay for their meal. If you can't afford to host your guests you should come up with a new plan or figure out a way to provide a meal thats no so expensive...talk with whoever is supposed to be preparing the meal and see what other options you have for food that is within your budget im sure there are other solutions. Pasta goes a long way maybe bbq or something of that nature...i am not trying to be rude by any means just giving advice. I know weddings are super expensive but definitely look at other options. Best of luck to you!

View Quoted Comment Thanks I love your idea. The wedding is at 12 noon. The reception will be at 2. I was thinking of having a breakfast at least. Everyone coming is close family lol we both have large families with lots of siblings.

View Quoted Comment Yes, she served appetizers immediately after the wedding in the same location and people opted to go to dinner or not. So I see your point.

View Quoted Comment We will be having a vegan option, as much of our family is vegan or vegetarian.

View Quoted Comment Thanks, this is a really good idea. I mean, I guess because it is family it really didn't feel wrong to ask them. I asked my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, and no one minded. I'm paying for jewelry and make up. And the mothers of the flower girls were more than willing to pay for their dresses as well without me asking. So we were going to pay for the wedding party meals. But it seems more sensible to just cut down I think. Thank you. I think this is the best idea, so will talk to my fiance about this one.

I would not do this. Are you also asking people to still buy you gifts? Only way its acceptable would be if this in in lieu of a gift and all you are asking is for their company at your wedding. But even then i would still not do this, theres just no way its gonna sit well with people

It’s one thing when inviting people out to dinner generally where everyone agrees to pay for their own food but asking guests to pay for their food at a wedding is a bit bizarre and I am quite surprised that the package doesn’t include food. The way I see it is if you can’t afford to pay for a reasonably supply of food then you’ve either underbudgeted or over-invited people.

If you can’t cut down the guest list, I would look at alternatives as to how to supply food so people are fed. Unless it’s a ceremony and nothing else, you need to have food of some sort.

That’s a no no. You can skip the dinner entirely and just do the ceremony

View Quoted Comment Hmmmm... That's really enough where you would do light appetizers and cake. I would let guests know so they don't come hungry. Then if you wanted to do an optional let's meet here type place at their cost I could see long as that's not in place of the recruiting. If you had a space like a park big enough for them maybe but some party trays or cater outdoor them.

Aside from the absolute poor etiquette of this, I as a guest or family member would never attend a wedding where I had to pay my own way. If you can’t afford it, perhaps find another venue or caterer more in line with your buget

I chose a catering company that is charging us $42 per person. We decided to cut down on our guest list (we started making our guest list, the goal was 100, we stopped adding people when we found out the cost). Some people were upset that we didn't 'think' of inviting them or weren't giving them plus ones, but truth of the matter is we stopped right where we could afford. Some people are butthurt, but it's more polite than asking them to pay for themselves. Don't feel bad girlfriend, I thought about it. Especially since I had so many people complaining about not bringing their whole family. Like if you want them to come so bad then you pay for them. But it's the responsibility of the bride and groom to pay catering costs.

Asking bridesmaids to pay for a dress is different than asking guests to pay for their food. When you are asked to be a member of the wedding party, there are expectations that you know you're expected to fulfill, #1 of which is buying a dress (in the US anyway). The only monetary expectation on a guest is to give a gift (I know they're "optional" but really, it is an expectation). The person who is hosting the event is expected to pay for the event.

Your cousin had a cake and punch reception, and then went out to dinner where people could join if they wished. Presumably they could order whatever they wanted, which likely would not have cost $45 per person. Your event sounds different - it sounds like you're having a regular reception at a venue. That's more formal than going out to a barbecue place for dinner.

I would be totally shocked if I went to a wedding and was told I needed to pay for my own dinner. That's a huge no.