RANT! Guest trying to add to our headcount at the last moment!!

“Unfortunately the rsvps have all be accounted for and they were not included in the count because we were informed they will not be attending. Our headcount is at its max budget and we’re not able to accommodate anymore.”

“The only way they would be able to come is if you (my uncle) or they pay for their seat”.

Is anyone going through the same bull-poopy thing? I find it really annoying that we’re getting our family either trying to invite more guests, or guests that declined (by mouth) trying to un-decline our invite.

WTH…sorry just need to rant!

Honestly, if this is the biggest wedding concern you have, then you're having a great week.

I would have loved if my family members decided my day was important enough to figure out a plan. I'm sure you have some overflow room for them

Wait, you invited then, didn't actually speak with THEM after your RSVP deadline, and now you're telling them they can't come unless they pay for themselves because you can't afford it? Is that right?

If that's right...then, no. You're in the wrong. YOU were obligated to get a response from cousin. YOU didn't, you took uncle's response as good enough while they have been waiting to see if they could make it before answering.

Where is the money that would have covered their plate? Use it to, you know, cover their plate, like you intended when you invited them.

You invite the people you can afford to host. You invited them, now host them.

Nope you're wrong. It was rude of you to ask uncle to pay for them. It was your job to confirm RSVP's with all of your guests. You didn't. You can't take back the invitation now.

Oh sorry, I missed that you tried to contact them. I'm with Richard now.

I'm with Richard, not sure on the them paying thing. We gave each of our parents a certain amount of guests we would pay for. And told them that as long as there was room, and THEY paid for any extras we'd include them, so i'm on the fence.

But if an adult can't answer a simple question they don't get to go.

@Richard: I would agree with you on this in most cases, except it sounds like op quit trying when uncle said that it was a no, instead of continuing to try to contact. She also said that the invite was sent "early," which means we have no idea when the RSVP date on that invite was, though it's safe to say it was before the three weeks prior to the wedding, since she's not even quite there yet, which is when most people should be calling to get confirmation from those who don't respond in the first place.

This is the very reason when people suggest sending invites super early, I tell them it's a bad idea, or when people want a super early RSVP date, I disagree. It sets the couple up for this exact scenario, because lots of workplaces won't tell people they have time off until 30 days out, and then they have to make travel arrangements. That's honestly exactly what it sounds like probably happened here.

I read posts like this and just...sigh.

I don't get how people who have likely already been through the stress that is planning their own wedding think it's acceptable to do this? I'm not sure about the asking for your Uncle to pay thing, but other than that you took the right steps, OP. You kind of bent over backwards, even.

Info we need to know:

1. When were invites sent?

2. What is the RSVP deadline?

3. When did you stop trying to contact the PA guests?

Also I don't think anyone should ever ask a guest to pay for their seat. Ever. Even if they are a late RSVP. Either accept their late RSVP or tell them no.

@mna- I sent out the invite early and confirmed with my cousin that he indeed got the invitation. I told him to make sure he rsvp'd and he said he would. My uncle is actually the uncle that adopted him from my aunty when he was young. So their like his mom and dad (my uncle and aunt).

I've tried to calling him, texting him asking for the rsvp as well as if they were coming to our wedding or not. Only to get no response from him.

My uncle on the other hand has talked to him and got confirmation from him that they would not be attending our wedding. But for me, I was still waiting and expecting the rsvp to show up which it never did. (I called and texted after the date that it was due btw).

So what was I suppose to do given he told my uncle he would not be coming, didn't send back the rsvp, didn't respond to texts, calls, voicemails? So I assumed he wasn't coming because my uncle (whom adopted him) said he wasn't

I would just tell uncle, unfortunately I already gave the final headcount to the venue and I'm unable to accommodate and add more people with my budget.......if he offers to pay then let him but don't ask him to pay that's rude to tell someone they have to pay to attend your wedding.

I get the cost thing maybe they didn't think they'd be able to afford to go to your wedding so they didn't give an answer, but they should've expressed that to you.

My sister lives in another state so she has already expressed to me that she is trying to save enough to make sure she can make it, so I will save her seat and be a little flexible with her on the RSVP deadline bc I'm aware that she's saving and may not know until a week before the wedding if she'll be able to come.

I sent my cousin his invite a week earlier than all my other invites because I knew it would take 3-5days to get there. The rsvp due date was July 1st (I needed to give an estimated head count to our venue on the 13th of July). I figure if he sends back the rsvp on the 1st (the date its due) it'll take 3-5days to get back to me giving me a few days/a week to submit the estimate.

I am sure you will have no shows. I say let them come, but keep the kids with a family friend. They were never invited to begin with.

Is your wedding in Hawaii? Your RSVP date was earlier than standard... honestly if someone's willing to fly from PA to Hawaii for a wedding, I think they should be accommodated. It's your call but it's a bit tactless to add the line about not being able to afford them now. They were invited, it's odd to insinuate that you don't have money to accommodate people who were actually invited (speaking of the parents only, not the kids).

It sounds like maybe they were trying to plan on surprising you and not fully understanding the whole why people ask for RSVPs. Idk maybe that's just the way I'm understanding it but I dint know these people at all.

Your wedding is like what, 3 weeks away? You can't add more people to your headcount??

I wouldn't add the kids but I would add the cousin and his wife since they were invited. So since they were invited you can't really say you can afford it/they won't fit. (Except for the kids).

@onawho you actually make a good point, I wasn't thinking of it like that. I'm going to let my uncle know that the adults can come (originally the kids weren't invited) and take it from there.

@Rebecca- I live in Hawaii and our venue was requiring a headcount by the 13th of July. I totally get that if they were willing to fly from PA to come to our wedding we absolutely would accommodate them. However, they did not respond to our rsvp/calls/texts and just told my uncle (whom adopted him) that they can't come/aren't coming. Only now, after the fact that everything has been submitted they MAY be able to come after all (its not a guarantee right now that they are coming back home-Hawaii).

This would have been so much easier if they just accepted the invite and later tell me if they can or can't make it.

IDK...I'm going with onawho's advice and allowing them (adults) to come because I'm sure we'll have people that don't show up that has rsvp'd that they would. If everyone does show up then we'll just pay whatever we have to pay in the end.

ETA: we're at our max budget when it comes to head count. plus whatever we owe at the end will be due after the day is over...giving us a little more time to save (our full payment is due two weeks prior to our date).

I understand your frustration with their lack of response. However, you really should assume everyone will come that's invited when figuring your budget. You should never invite more than you can afford.

I would have just left it at " we can't accommodate extra guests " suggesting that other guests pay for people's plates at your wedding is rude.

I read alot of threads like this and I realize that I'm marrying into an amazing family. My parents are deceased and I can't imagine my future inlaws caring about who else is on the guest list. And I don't think it would occur to my brother and sister either.

I am very lucky!

OP since you tried reaching out I would say they are SOL.