Ran out of money? Tips for vendors

This seems to be an unpopular decision on here, but I don't think everyone needs to be tipped. We used a secular officiant, a photographer, and a musician who are all self-employed. They set their own rates, and are not having to pay employees who performed the service, so we did not tip them. I tipped my MUA and hair stylist who are self-employed because I have an ongoing business relationship. The gratuity was included in the catering and venue fees, and I don't see why an additional gratuity would be expected. If a gratuity is not included, it would be appropriate to tip the servers. The same would go for flower delivery.

If you’re already paying gratuity to the venue (and you’re SURE it’s a gratuity charge, not a service charge—because “service charge” is NOT gratuity) you don’t have to tip anyone you paid through the venue. The other vendors I think you can wait a bit to tip them, and send it with a thank you card, but not too long.

Hi everyone! I'm actually a bartender for weddings and have been to quite a few! In my experience, The bride usually tips me (sometimes when thank you notes go out!) if I can't put a tip jar out. The waitstaff tip comes out of a gratuity charge and is tipped by the venue or caterer (depending on who they are hired by). If you are not charged a gratuity charge, each waitstaff member typically gets $20-$50 depending on their service (this is typically the one I see happen at the wedding whereas the rest of the vendors present, if not paid that day, get paid after the wedding, typically two weeks later). All that being said, totally acceptable to tip later, except waitstaff, and gifts... ie gift cards, wine, etc, do not help me pay my bills. Usually as the bartender I get to keep a bottle of wine along with the tips I made. This is just my experience from the dozens of weddings I've worked both as a bartender and waitstaff. Hope this helps!

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I agree 100%.

My venue is providing the catering for our wedding and there is a 22% gratuity fee already added on to the thousands of dollars I'm paying. I'm not tipping on top of that, regardless of what strangers on the internet insist I should do. *shrug*

View Quoted Comment Yea I’m a little confused about tipping everyone. Like I’m all about tipping service staff at the hotel since they’re literally waiting tables and going to make drinks. I’m also planning on tipping the hair and make up artist because that’s something that I do in my normal life when I go get my hair and make up done. But why would the photographer receive a tip if I hired the photographer and will pay them what they asked for in the contract? Same goes for DJ. Why would I tip the DJ if they’re going to get paid based on what they charge? And the florist too??

I’m so confused lol. I worked hospitality for 10 years so I am not against tipping but I think this is overkill.

View Quoted Comment Just curious why would you have to get a hotel room for your videographers? I understand that they are three hours away however when they signed the contract with you they knew the location so they agreed to the location of the wedding. When I used to work at a photo booth company for weddings we would travel around the state of Florida and we were never offered a hotel stay just because we were far away. The client and the business owner set up the contract and we just went. I think it’s super nice that you would want to do that for sure! But I don’t think it’s necessary in my opinion.

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You should be the one tipping your vendors, not your guests. It's highly inappropriate to actively try to foist this responsibility off on your guests.

View Quoted Comment Actually I’m not the one that suggested this, I appreciate your attempt to correct my way of doing things. When the DJ services mentioned they do not expect tips “I said well what do you normally do?”. They said many of their clients have set out a tip jar and those that wanted to tip them could but they never expect to be tipped. Since they obviously attend more weddings than any of us ever will I’m going to take their advice on this. Not to mention I have one very specific song I’m going to request and I’ll be more than happy to drop a nice tip in there for them.

Dang it lol accept not except 🤦🏼‍♀️

I agree with tipping based on service & sending a thank you card after is a great idea. Weddings are expensive as it is & you get upcharged because it’s a wedding. As a previous event planner, no one should expect it. If you can swing it, maybe deliver it personally when things have settled down if you really want to show them you appreciate them. Congratulations!

Our caterer was through the venue and so was the bar. They included at 20% tip on the bill, on top of a service charge so I didn't tip them more. Other people paid for our other vendors, so I didn't really have any info on whether they got tipped or not. I'm assuming my FIL did, I'm assuming my mother didn't. I DID make sure every vendor got a meal, but that's about all I had control over. And I wrote them all excellent reviews on all the websites they requested. In fact, one of them (the DJ) sent me a $10 thank you card to applebees for writing the review???

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I agree as well!!

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Your DJ doesn't care about good manners (etiquette); why would you take advice on hosting from someone who doesn't care how well you host your guests? Your DJ's goal is to make money, not to help you be a good host or make sure that you are treating your guests appropriately. Regardless of what your DJ told you, you are responsible for tipping your vendors, not your guests.

View Quoted Comment You seem really upset by something so simple. I’m going to do it my way. With the grace and etiquette I was raised with, southern and military. I’m sorry you’re so upset by my way of doing things, but yes I am going to listen to the excellent vendors I’ve selected and take advice from all my friends and family that have had beautiful and amazingly entertaining weddings. They have all done it this way and we all had a blast and whether there was a tip jar or not we, the FH and I as well as many other wedding guests tipped the DJ’s.
You’re so stuck on the it’s my job to do this and that. Wrong, my job is to make my FH’s day and mine the best we can. I’m hiring professionals that offer their services for a price and that’s what I’m paying. As I have stated, if I decide to tip them for their service I hired them for I will. I’m not going to simply because some of society think it’s a HAVE to do so to fit their way of doing things. That’s the best part about the world we live in. We can all have our own opinions on etiquette and still be happy.

Tips that are automatically factored in by caterers and venues are done! No more need be worried over there. If you choose to tip your planner, officiant, dj, write a check and a note explaining that you really appreciate their work but could they wait to cash this gratuity until x date. In fact, post date the check. They'll appreciate it just the same!!! These are people that have your back and know you've worked hard to pay them already! Also, tell them you're planning to review their services online and ask them for an email that includes a link to the best review site for them. They'll really appreciate that! Don't forget your photography professionals either!

View Quoted Comment Great advice! It makes sense. Tipping the actual servers instead of the over all services, I like that.

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You're trying to dismiss my point of view by painting me as "upset"; nothing in my posts has been emotional. That's an old, sexist trope.

If you're hosting people, you have responsibilities as a host. Period, end of story. You don't get to get around those responsibilities by proclaiming that "my job is to make my FH's day and mine the best we can." If you don't want to put your guests' wellbeing ahead of your own, don't have guests. The responsibilities of host and hostess are old and very well established, and are based on basic principles: treat people well and put their needs and comfort ahead of your wants. That doesn't mean you don't get any of your wants, but if you have to pick between the two, their needs should come before your wants every time. That should be the primary principle in your mind when planning, not "It's MY day."

Don't want to tip your DJ? Fine, but foisting that off on your guests by allowing or encouraging him to put out a tip jar - directly indicating to your guests that they should tip him - is inappropriate.

View Quoted Comment Well thank you for the permission to do my wedding the way I want to. I appreciate your thoughts about what you feel is proper and the right way of doing things but I will do me my way and I have zero doubts about how my guests will react to it. That’s the greatest part about all of this, I know my guests and we all have similar mindsets.
I’m certainly not going to pass any of my responsibilities onto my guests, but I am going to take the DJ’s advice since he obviously does way more weddings than the average person does.
You may think I’m “wrong” and have an etiquette problem but that’s not my concern. My concern is for FH and me to have the best wedding day first and foremost. Second is that our guests have an amazing time with us.
I truly do thank you for your opinions and thoughts on this situation. Neither of our ways is wrong, we just differ in our thoughts on etiquette and way of doing things.

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I agree with this! I keep seeing people say you need to tip 18-20% for every service the day of. That is crazy to me - that would be several thousand extra dollars! I will certainly tip if the vendors go above and beyond, but I already paid a hefty price for the services - they should be providing the job we paid them to do. Not sure why this is a social norm! I always tip at restaurants because I know the hourly pay is horrible - but will tip much less for poor service. When it comes to weddings, they already charge an arm and a leg so I know they are getting their fair share of profit.

View Quoted Comment I agree Teresa