Question for those who vowed to stay celibate until marriage...

We'll still see each other and he'll be here for our sons. This is just a hard step especially w/ kids. I dont see it happening (us living apart). Probably have to wait for our pastor on that one b/c our situation is different from others that have no children before marriage.

I know there are other brides on here that HAVE done this... but, I will throw a question out there... Is it for money saving reasons that you plan to move back in with the parents? If so, then go for it. But, is there any way for you to live together and just have separate rooms to sleep in? That way he is still with the kids and they don't get confused?

Good Luck, and I'm sure someone will chime in what they are doing/or Did.

I do not think it's a good idea to seperate the kids from their father for 6 months. Even if he will be there all the time. Imagine how confusing that would be. What will you say when they are asking for daddy?

I commend anyone for doing this, because I'm sure it'll make the wedding night more special, but girl, there is no way we could. I wouldn't even waist my time & bring it up to FH because I know the answer. I think that you all have a great plan, but if he moves in with his friend & you move in with his parents, will that guarantee that you all will not do the horizontal pokey? LOL! Especially if you all have been intimate for so long? While I was staying with my parents, & FH was roomies with his friends, we would still do the horizontal pokey. If you can hold out though, I commend you! Good Luck

Date twin, I really don't know what to say on that. You probably should wait for your pastor on that one. FH and I don't stay together at the moment, but due to certain circumstances, we've decided that it's best that we do move in together before getting married. With that being said, staying celibate until marriage is a great idea. I know it doesn't work for everyone. I know that it wouldn't work for me and my FH but it would definitely be worth giving it a try. I bet if I were to run that idea by him, he'd probably look at me as if I were crazy LOL. We have completely agreed to NO KIDS before marriage. So staying celibate could happen for a period of time. Just not sure on how long of a period of time.

@Hayley... we are doing it mostly to be celibate. Thats why we are dying to talk to the pastor about this. I guess we could try for one of us to sleep in the kids room? We only have a 2 bedroom.

@Keatha... You're so right. Thats why we are so anxious for our session lol. I dont see us moving out

@June2011... lol @ the horizontal pokey. Yeah I'm sure he would try that but not at his parents house. We'd both feel very awkard trying that especially w/ his parents being so spiritually inclined

@Crystal... yes good idea lol. Gonna wait for the pastor *sigh*

I think you are strong enough to be celibate you will do it no matter what you living circumstances are. To me it would seem like more of a headache to try find storage for all of your things and then finding a new place to live after 6 months. Then for the children it is confusing that they have seen you and FH living together their whole life then you wouldn't, why wouldnt he stay with you at his parents house? I think if it is really your desire to be celibate for 6 months you will do it regardless of your living circumstances.

I personally think it would confuse the kids and would not be fair to them.

My FH and I recently rededicated our life to Christ and are being celibate until the wedding. We have been together for 4 years and have lived together the entire time as well. What we do is try to keep any temptation from each other; we are selective about the things we watch, don't change in front of each other, make sure we are fully clothed when we come to bed. Things like that. While it isn't easy we know that it is worth it in the end. We also have children in the house and moving out was not an option for us because of this. It is very confusing to the children and would be damaging to them psychologically.

I'm not a Christian but I grew up in a Christian household so I understand the "no sex" rule before marriage. But I think if you've been living together as husband and wife with children all this time, and are engaged to be married, I suppose I don't understand the point?

I wanted to do this soooo bad but FH made a really good point, I'm going to be really stressed out about the wedding leading up to it and well it's a good stress release and just about the only one I have at this point considering I'm quitting smoking this month so next year after the wedding i can get preggo, I rarely drink which even if I did it's an unhealthy way to channel stress... they gym is not a stress releiver for me because it causes me so much pain (I have hip problems) sex is it, it's all I got.

I dont think this counts for you guys because you already have kids together? you are a family already. if you want to make this comitment again then you do it in your own house or room. im going to be a pastors wife so i hope your pastor would understand

We are/were doing this (we have 6 months left) and we also live together... IT IS REALLY HARD! I dont think separating with little ones is a good idea, but that is your choice. The best thing is to spend time together outside of the bedroom (watching tv, doing a puzzle, cooking, etc.)... do not go to the room until you are both exhausted and ready to SLEEP. Also, I dont know how you do it now, but no being there when they get out of the shower or changing. We also posted the bible verse on our bedroom wall (to keep us on track). It really helps because you communicate more. Good Luck

We are in a similar situation. I would like to do it, but FH probably wouldn't. We have two kids together and have been living together for over 5 years. I won't even bring it up to FH because of the kids. I will not allow our family to be apart like that. My dad moved our when I was in 1st Grade. It caused a lot of problems and confusion in myself. I didn't understand and felt betrayed. I still saw him, but we weren't family anymore. Even if its just for a few months before the wedding I can see it making a lot of problems for our kids.

Thanks! You all have great points. We wont move out now. But we do have to figure out how to remain celibate until then.

@Unique... you made a great point about waiting 6 months but its something we strive to do and stay committed to

@Heather H. THANKS SOOO MUCH!!! That gave me so much insight and assistance in how to deal with this. I'm going to talk to FH tonight so we can get the ball rolling in the right direction b/c its to the point now that we feel guilty after sex. Probably b/c the pastor preached on it a few wks ago but we just want to do things right and we dont want any more children before marriage or anytime soon.

I believe she already stated the point, it is their choice, so it's personal.

I commend you for that Sha Terra, FH and I are doing this but our situation is different from yours, we don't live together yet and we do not have any children, we fell short a few times but we're holding on and sticking to it, one of our friend started a bible study group that we go to every weekend instead of going to the drive in and we try to hang out mostly in groups instead of alone, we're more aware of what we watch on tv and most importantly, we're starting to praymore,so its easier for us.

I don't think you guys should separate yourselves from the kids though, I like Hayley's idea of sleeping in separate rooms (either kids room or living room) and stay in prayer all the time asking God for strenght and courage to resist the temptation, I know that will not go away. Take Heather H.'s advise as she is in the same situation as you, she makes some great point and suggestions that can help you both

I think I'm with Heather M. on this one. Not trying to be rude or disrespectful, so I hope I don't come across that way, but no sex before marriage is kinda' gone and done when you already have kids together and already live together. I suppose I can see how the idea of it is still nice, but I certainly wouldn't confuse my kids or put my kids in an uncomfortable situation to do something you already gave up years ago.

I have to agree with other posters. You're already living together, have been for years and have 2 children together. The celibate thing has kind of passed. I would seriously have to question the guidance of your pastor. If you had no children- it would be different. But you do- and living apart will only damage them! I'm shocked he isn't suggesting you get married NOW. I'd consult many other people before you move out, because I think it's the worst thing you can do for your family. If you can't handle not having sex, then don't add that strain to your relationship. Sorry, but the no sex before marriage ship has already sailed, around the world.

And if you're going to be living away from each other- he can live with his parents, and help pay the bills on the place you and the kids live- NOT with friends. He can also be there every night for dinner/bedtime and just sleep at another residence, making sure he is there for breakfast every morning.

I can see that the both of you have your hearts in the right place; however, why put a timeline on your salvation? Seeing as that the both of you are Christians, then you know that the Lord is subject to call an end to this system at anytime. What if it happens before your time frame? My point is basically that, a time line is not beneficial. If it's something you guys want to do, based on spiritual beliefs, then it should be done now.

I don't think the two of you should move, but some sort of plan should be in place for those moments of weakness. Prayer is the best thing you can do. God knows we're not perfect, and he knows our hearts. If you guys do slip up, pray for for forgiveness and start over. Do everything you can to avoid those situations. Maybe go to bed at different times. Sleep in separate areas of the home. Because you guys have lived together for so long, and have children, there will not be an easy way to go about this. However, if your faith is strong enough, you will be able to do it. The fact that the both of you are on the same page is a perfect start. Stay strong in prayer no matter what your decision. Good luck guys!

Im not judging you as me and my FH had a very active sex life, then God put a calling on my life for a ministry at my church and I had to make changes in my life (how could I do God's will in my life if Im not obedient). A lot of the ladies here have many opinions on how things are in their lives. Honestly, I dont think this is the place to look for your answer to thos question. Decisions like this require you to get on your knees and seek confirmation and guidance from the Lord. I hope you do this and read about how God wants us to live. I know its HARD to abstain, girl, cuz I struggle with it EVERYDAy!!!! Especially when mister comes over smelling all good and things!!! Sorry.... let me get back to what is real. We have started our pre-marital counseling classes AND been told by our pastor to abstain. In class you will learn that this is a SPIRITUAL thing and speaks to life His way or death in the world. So, Im going to ask you 2 questions and please share these with your FH....cont.