Question for Interfaith Couples

I have discussed this at length with FH as of late; I am currently delving into both religions in search of what I feel most connected with. He has stated that no matter what I choose to follow/practice, he will support me one hundred percent, he will never ask me to convert, and that he just wants me to be comfortable/happy. (Love this man).

My questions for interfaith couples are these -

Do you feel that your differing faiths impacted your relationship? If so, in what way (good or bad)? If you converted, has this strained or strengthened your relationship? If you converted, what was the deciding factor for you to do so?

I'm merely curious. I do not have any relatives or friends in similar situations whom I could ask; closest would be FH's cousin's wife who ultimately converted, but I've never actually met her, nor do I have the means to contact her.

Obviously much of this decision comes down to me personally, however any wise advice, experience, or thoughts you can provide are greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

I can't answer this from my relationship, but I grew up in an interfaith family. My dad is Jewish and my mom is catholic. They made both available to my brother, sister, and I. We celebrated Passover and Easter, Christmas and Hanukkah, etc.

Neither of my parents are overly religious, but they made sure that we were exposed to different things.

As an adult I love that I experienced so many celebrations growing up. I love that I felt comfortable in church or in temple.

I hope this could help a little.

@FutureMrs.Moakley - Thank you for sharing! While my questions were geared towards mine and FH's relationship, it really is nice to hear from someone who grew up in an interfaith household and their take on it. Without going into the knitty gritty of our decision regarding future children, we do know that we want them to feel just that; comfortable, aware, and accepting of other faiths.

I'm Christian and he is Buddhist. I was raised very religious and strict and his religion served more as a tie to his culture (he is Thai) rather than the religion itself. He still goes to temple but it is mostly for cultural reasons. The events focusing purely on Buddhism, he doesn't attend. In the beginning it affected us quite a bit. It was hard for me to reconcile our differences. Currently it's not a big issue and we've both learned a lot from one another's views and beliefs. We're having a Thai/Buddhist wedding and an American/Christian wedding. I'm happy we get to share with one another and as far as kids go, I want them to experience and understand both.

Thank you all for your input. It's so awesome to hear these stories of different faiths coming together. Gives me hope for this world.

Very cool too, to those that are choosing to raise their kids to recognize both faiths. I hadn't planned on going into that side of things (was more looking for how it affects FH and my relationship, as well as my own outlook in this exploration) but -

If I remain in the faith I was raised with, we will raise them observing both, however FH has asked that if we have a son he would like him to bar mitzvah'd. That is fine by me, as I understand how important that time was for him growing up, and if we're being honest, I was never baptized so. It would seem kind of silly/hypocritical to challenge that.

I grew up in an extremely Catholic household. I attended Catholic school, my mother had me memorize every single prayer known to man by the time I was 6, my mother attends mass everyday.

My FH, on the other hand, attended a Protestant church as a child but his family aren't really religious at all.

My FH is an atheist and while I don't believe in religion, I do believe in a higher being. I'm more spiritual than religious.

This hasn't had any effect in our relationship at all.

@Christina - That's good. I think you and I are similar in that way - spiritual more than religious.

I am an atheist, and I once dated a strict Catholic. We generally avoided discussing it, but when it did come up it wasn't.... very nice. He fretted over my soul which always bothered me. He also had really strong conservative beliefs about certain issues for which I had very liberal beliefs. We agreed to disagree but it was always in the back of my head that he was judging me or something. But it sounds like you and your FH will be just fine.

DH's family is Jewish, mine is Christian. We are not observant of either faith but have emotional ties to family traditions. There have occasionally been minor family conflicts (my MIL wasn't happy when we first started dating that I wasn't Jewish, my mother wanted us to have 2 religious ceremonies, everyone's over it now). Like you, we would want to raise our children to be knowledgeable and comfortable with both. I have not decorated our home for Christmas because DH is somewhat uncomfortable with it, and we actually had a conversation last year because he somehow thought people only got Christmas trees when they had children. We usually celebrate religious holidays with the side of the family that celebrates that tradition and host New Years' with everyone at our home. This year, DH put up blue and white lights on the outside of our home because we both really like the holiday lights but he didn't want anything too Christmasy.

DF and I both identify as Christian, but our personal beliefs differ greatly from the church's. We don't attend a church, largely for this reason.

Our beliefs also differ significantly from one another. We have frequent discussions about our beliefs, sometimes we influence one another, sometimes not. We just recognize that religion is a very personal belief and that realistically there is no "wrong" choice.

We will raise any children knowing both of our beliefs and encouraging them to explore whatever beliefs interest them.

My FH is Jewish and I was raised Catholic. FH's family are conservative Jews, but he considers himself more reform or a cultural Jew (meaning he does not necessarily attend every religious event, but he has strong ties to the culture of his religion, the traditions, etc.)

It has actually been so fun dating and getting to know a person and his family and their different upbringing and different traditions. It's like being exposed to a whole new way of life. His family lives in a VERY Jewish area of Cleveland, so FH's classmates were all Jewish and he was friends with kids from BBYO (Jewish youth group) and then joined AEPi in college (Jewish fraternity).

Learning & understanding his faith has made me appreciate mine even more. I could never convert. Not because I am a devout Christian, I'm not. But Christianity was a part of my upbringing and I have ties to the holidays and my family who practices fairly regularly.

We plan to raise our children Jewish, because it is so important to FH that they go to Hebrew school, are bar mitzvah'd, know their heritage, etc. And I know that marriage is about compromise -- so I agreed. We plan to observe both Christmas and Hanukkah and be a true interfaith family. I think it will be special that my kids get the best of both worlds. And when they are older, they can choose to do whatever they want with their religious choices as an adult.

And TBH, FH loooooves Christmas now. And it's so fun teaching him things. He doesn't know songs or little things like the reindeer names. So we watch Christmas movies, get a tree, and do the whole shabang together.

Good luck with your decision!

This is a good resource. http://www.interfaithfamily.com/blog/

Not quite sure if this counts, but I am Christian and FH is more..agnostic. I was raised strict Christian. He was raised Catholic but lost his faith when he was a teenager. It does negatively affect us, we usually avoid religion talk. We have a 4 year old that I am raising Christian, she attends church with me, prays with me, I talk to her about Jesus and God, and I generally want her growing up in strongly in my faith.

FH is aware and fine with this, but he does not join me. He doesn't come to church with us, which does bother me greatly. He stays quiet and never questions when I teach her something from the bible or pray with her. We have an "agree to disagree" position on it.

I hope one day he will soften and see it from my side, but I don't push him.

This may or may not help you but, I was raised Catholic and FH was raised Presbyterian. While they're both Christian faiths, I have received some questioning and sharp words from his family regarding religion. FH is far more connected to his faith and going to church than I am, while I'm okay going only once in a while he stresses about going and gets sad when he can't. While I don't go to church often, certain traditions were very close to me and important. It was also important for me to attend a church that truly reflected me on a moral ground, for me this resulted in us going to an Episcopal church now as our middle ground.

We have discussed child-rearing, even though our faiths are closely related some do take issue in the candle lighting and the saints part. FH is thankfully very open to it all, and even asked me to teach him how to pray with a rosary (his Dad being a Presbyterian pastor I'm sure would freak out lol).

FH is Catholic and I am technically Jewish (I've had no religious ceremonies, but my mom's side is Jewish and my dad's Catholic).

Neither of us gave any thought to converting. We always planned to learn and accept the other and to celebrate both. I am not into organized religion, but sometimes we go to church and sometimes we go to temple (with family). The interfaith situation has helped FH to learn more about other religions than his own and has helped me to brush up on religious studies to teach him.

I would also consider myself to be spiritual, not religious.

I agree with @POLLY - interfaithfamily.com has had a lot of resources I've used over the time I've been with FH.

He was raised Jewish, and I was raised Christian - it's been challenging only a few times - and the main one being wedding planning. Our immediate families are very supportive of us, and we celebrate religious holidays with our respective sides of the family. On one hand, it's amazing never to have to discuss where we will be spending Christmas - since his family doesn't celebrate. On the other hand, trying to combine both for our wedding was a little more challenging.

We were able to find an officiant who was raised in an inner faith family and understands why we want certain aspects of each religion combined - and understands both which is amazing too.

As for children, we plan to raise them seeing and knowing about both faiths, and deciding what feels most right for them. I will encourage children to go to Hebrew school, and plan to have a bris if we have boys. FSIL is currently pregnant, and I'm throwing her a baby shower, while her side of the family is having a naming ceremony after. It's all about finding what works for individuals, and having a supporting partner makes such a difference.

I don't think I could ever convert - I'm not willing to give up my Christian holidays and traditions. I feel a lot like Charlotte from SATC, and agree - if you're going to do it - it has to be all the way. Fh enjoys having new traditions with me and my family as well, decorating our christmas trees, and is getting used to a pile of christmas presents.

It's very interesting that when discussing what makes a healthy and lasting marriage, many people will say it's about having the same core life values and goals and yet for many, religion is not one of them, even though it should be one of the most important. One's faith is not about holidays and man made rituals and traditions. It's about your core beliefs and relationship with God. And in those core beliefs wouldn't that be something so important you'd want to share with your spouse? Bring your children up in? The 3 main religions believe that their way is the only way to God. For Christianity, Jesus Christ is the only way. To marry someone with another faith or no faith means you will not spend eternity with them. The Bible stresses the importance of laying out a strong foundation of faith for your children. While the ultimate decision to accept Christ is theirs alone, the parent will answer to whether they gave their children a strong or weak beginning. As a Christian, I would want something so important to be shared by my spouse, and I couldn't see raising my children in any other. Just food for thought.

I'm Christian and FH is Jewish. Our families have been super supportive- it helps that FSIL is also Christian so they've been through the interfaith marriage thing once already.

We've also discussed how we will raise children and we pretty immediately agreed on those decisions. We celebrate the holidays of both faiths together, although FH is not super religious so it's more the major holidays. My parents have invited FILs for Christmas dinner and they're excited to come, and my parents were invited for Passover (although couldn't make it- FILs live about 2 hours away) and are looking forward to making it next year.

Neither of us plans to convert, but I feel like it's actually made our relationship and to some extent our faiths stronger because we had to have real, serious conversations early on and we've had to be able to discuss our faiths with each other.

First, I just want to say that @MrsA, that was really preachy and obnoxious as hell.

But anyway, onto the real topic. I am "culturally Jewish" - my mother is Jewish and was raised in a Jewish household, but my dad was raised Catholic and is now an atheist, and we were raised with very little religion in our house at all. We celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah, Easter and Passover, but in very secular ways. FH is Catholic. He hasn't gone to church except on holidays since I've known him, but he actually went to church every Sunday in college and considers himself religious.

Our differing faiths didn't really have any impact on our relationship (except when his family got kind of judge-y, but that's kind of separate in my mind) until we started talking about raising a family. He wants his children to be raised in the church. Initially, I was 100% on board with just raising them Catholic. I mean, I didn't grow up in a religious house, so who was I to try to impose my own half-formed beliefs when FH clearly had such strong ones? But honestly, the closer we get to marriage and starting a family, the more I feel like it's important for my children to understand Jewish traditions. So my hope is that while we may belong to a Catholic church, we continue to celebrate holidays for both religions in a way that allows our kids to know enough to make their own decisions when they're old enough.

Hi all! Sorry for the ghost; it's been a long few days between events at work, preparing to start a new job, and vet trips for my cat (who we were worried was sick because he's been not eating/losing weight).

Anyway.

I want to thank you all for your insight. Reading these, I see a lot of my own thought processes as I continue to learn and explore each religion. It's nice to hear the stories of those families who have made it work, but it is also good to know where the trials can appear in being realistic.

I still have a lot of learning and growing to do in this process. On one hand, I grew up in a very loosely-religious house by which I mean that while we had faith and culture, we never attended church, nor was I ever baptized. FH on the other hand was much more involved in his faith at least growing up, and once he got older was more culturally involved.

There are pros and cons to remaining interfaith as well as to converting I think. No matter my personal choice, I know we will work together to teach our children acceptance of others and differing creeds/cultures. I'm just confused because it has never been all that important of a matter to me until now, and I think it is so now because I want what is best for our relationship and our family at the end of the day.

Thank you all again for taking the time to share your experiences. It really means a lot.