PSA: Serve Alcohol at Your Wedding

...... I did not read all these comments but I have gone to 3 dry weddings.No one complained. I stayed for two hours during the reception (so did most people). I had enjoyed my time celebrating with the bride and groom. Why is everyone so closed minded? Why does "every" person expect alcohol? Why does every bride &groom want an all "night" reception?

I think this post is completely stupid uncalled for and trying to start something. An I think there are an OBNOXIOUS amount of these kind of posts. Most of the dry wedding posts are people trying to get advice on ideas on what to do instead not saying "I'm having a dry wedding.".

No hate :]] just thought i should put my opinion here :]]

P.S. I'm not having a dry wedding

edit: @ kimi same here

ALL THE BOOZE!

I think what confuses me the most is people who assume social drinkers get drunk... even with an open bar- I'm not likely to get drunk.

It takes me almost 3 months to go through the 24 pack of my favorite beer that I keep in my fridge. When I go to a wedding- I tend to have about 3-4 drinks- if I have to drive- only 2 unless I'm there for literally 6 hrs.

And Beka- not every person "EXPECTS alcohol- but many do- even with a shorter event I would personal expect to see some booze of some sort. Alcohol at a party doesn't mean schwasted... we aren't in a college frat any more at this point.

I love how this post is still alive.

I've never been to a wedding where people were falling down drunk. I would imagine, if the venue is providing the alcohol, their liquor license is on the line. They would not continue to serve someone in that condition.

I don't understand why it is so difficult for people to understand that dry weddings under most circumstances are rude. No one is saying that every wedding has to have a top shelf open bar. That's not for everyone and that's fine. However, not serving alcohol at your wedding is like expecting your entire guest list to go out to dinner and not order a drink. I've never been to a wedding where people were falling over and making a scene. Most people understand that they are at a wedding and act like normal human beings.

Kimi, .......just curious.....if your family doesn't drink on birthdays, weddings, holidays....what's left? Tuesday morning? I mean really?

Yes, it is being a proper host. Unless everyone is in recovery or Mormon.

I've never been to a dry wedding, but I have been to a wedding with a cash bar. Most annoying part? The bride's father paid for the wedding and was willing to pay for an open bar the whole night. The bride, for really no good reason, decided she wanted a cash bar because she didn't want for her father to pay for people to drink (he had plenty of money and didn't mind paying for this wedding expense). YET, she had him buying her drinks all night. So basically, she hosted everyone somewhat poorly (I say somewhat because at least there was alcohol at all), but made sure that she got to drink as much as she wanted. I already thought the cash bar was rude while I was at the wedding, but when I learned the rest of the story from her family, I was just appalled.

So basically, what I'm trying to say is, don't be an a*hole about your bar. Unless you have a real reason (bride or groom recently recovering addiction, you and 99% of your guest are of a religion that doesn't drink, etc.), host guests with an open bar. That may mean wine/beer only, or it may mean cutting back how much you spend on flowers or invites, but you should always figure out a way to be a proper host.

Here is the bottom line that should inform almost every wedding decision, from everyone standing for the ceremony in the sand to no meat to no vegetables to no alcohol to "WTF it's 45 degrees and it's outside!!!" (Included in there are dress codes, honey funds and any other abhorrent behaviour associated with weddings.....)

If you are eloping with the two sets (or variations thereof) of parents and your two best friends, yes, it approaches being 'all about you' and you can do whatever you want. Once you start inviting guests, you want to provide a fun time for them with the requirements for an adult fun time; (not sweet tea and cornholes....). Yes they love you, but they also expect that you love them enough to have a glass of wine on ice (unless it's red), a chair and something besides sprouts and tofu for them to eat. This is not to say you can't do a dry wedding with kale and locally sourced herbs, but just don't inflict that on 200 of your 'closest' friends.

They will not expect to be outside in extreme heat or extreme cold, no matter how beautiful and idyllic the setting, they will not want to carry their own chair from point A to point B, and they will not want a giant gap for them to fill while you take your photos. They won't want to listen to ear -splitting DJ wannabes who can't mix their speakers without cracking the wine glasses, and they probably don't want to hear fourteen speeches before the kale salad hits the table.

Serve wine. It makes even kale more fun.

@Brittany while I appreciate you taking the time to explain why you created this thread, you have to understand that I would NEVER advocate for a cash bar. Ever. I've been on the record here at WW saying how poor taste they are. However, a dry wedding is entirely different. If someone can't afford to provide alcohol, then that's it, end of story. Any guest who whines is a jerk, in my opinion. When you are hosted by someone else, you take what they can afford, within reason. As long as a couple provides a meal at meal time and refreshments, I don't see why alcohol is a requirement. Yes, you're right that with alcohol, you do get more of a party atmosphere and that's what most want at their weddings, but if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it and it's no one's place to tell you that it's a must.

In my opinion, it's also tacky to tell people to cut their guest list so they can serve alcohol. There are people who can only afford to host 50 people, total, without alcohol. They should cut their guest list to 20 and not invite people they WANT to see them take their vows just so the other guests can get drunk? Please. Even suggesting that sounds so offensive to me. And threads like these make people feel bad about their properly hosted wedding (and a dry wedding is still a properly hosted wedding) and about their financial situation, which, in my opinion, is also tacky.

@Kristen you are wrong. To call something rude implies that it's against etiquette when, in fact, having a dry wedding is 100% in-line with standard etiquette. This is a fact.

As for the vegetarian/non-vegetarian comments by @Angela above, that's entirely different. If you don't take into account people's food restrictions, then you're not providing a meal they can eat and are, therefore, not hosting them properly. Alcohol is an addition, not a necessity.

The biggest thing I have learned from weddingwire forums is that what people deem appropriate or acceptable does not apply to everyone. There are brides who have never been or never heard of anyone close to them hosting a dry wedding. On the other hand there are those where every wedding they have attended has been cash bar. Regardless, of what people want to do I wish the people on this board overall would be more respectful in giving their opinions instead of acting like mean girls through memes jumping down peoples throat because they choose to have a dry wedding, cash bar, honeyfund, etc. Its not for you, you can state that and move on. I have been to a dry wedding and it wasn't for me. All of her guest left about 2 hours earlier and most people were spiking their punch (she told me it would be dry and to bring a flask). lol. FH and I will be having an open bar. I can say I disagree with a dry wedding without being rude. Whatever a brides reasons for a dry wedding is not my concern. Its what she and her FH decided and I will support my friends getting married either way and I will not leave early. (thats just me). I believe weddings should be about the couple. Guests are invited to celebrate with them regardless of alcohol or not. You don't like it, have a drink after. You don't like honeyfunds, don't give. You don't like cash bars, don't drink. We all have choices.

As to the thought that people are going to get drunk at weddings, I've been to a LOT of weddings over the years...probably upwards of 10, most in the last few years...including my own.

In all that time, I've seen 1 person get falling down drunk. 1. in 15 years and 10+ weddings. And this guy was escorted out of the reception, about 45 minutes into it. (He brought his own alcohol AND was taking advantage of the open bar.)

People like this guy are NOT the norm.

Its not asking a lot to provide a drink or two, or even 3 or 4 for your guests. Its just a matter of being a good host, like MANY people here have said, over and over.

Centerpiece and Celia, you guys are eloquent as usual, and I appreciate your comments.

All meat, all the time.

Alcohol, when used correctly, is a pleasure, not an addiction Elizabeth. If you can't afford to provide at least wine, you're inviting people you can't afford to host. Offering soft drinks and tea at a wedding is not 'properly hosting". And that's a fact. You cut the list when you realize you can't afford to have every person you've ever encountered come to the wedding and at least give them a glass of wine.

Vegans. Sigh.....For some reason, about 12 years ago, my catering company was quoted in an internet article about vegan weddings. The entire menu was printed, we became the poster child for serving this stuff. We hated it, the couple's parents hated it (they added some sorta neutral fish and meat without eyes before the day....) and we were getting calls right and left to cater these things.

Honestly? We turned down most of them; our reputation was on the line, and I didn't really want 200 people full of polenta remembering who we were and crossing us off the list for potential jobs. And frankly? I don't know that hosts really have to take into account the people who can't (or won't) eat gluten. Very often, food restrictions are self imposed.

This is an issue that will never be laid to rest. Those who think adults should be able to 'survive a wedding without alcohol will continue to plan them and wonder why everyone left after dinner. Those who realize that most adults like a glass of wine or two and can manage that without getting into mortal combat in the parking lot will offer it, even in limited quantities.

Celia, I can't answer that. I don't know the reason behind it. It's been that way my whole life (I'm in my mid-40s). It never even occurred to me that it was unusual. It is what it is, we'll figure out some happy medium. Beer & wine for 65 guests (with service fee & taxes) is over $2K. And we have the least expensive venue around (although location not price was the selling point). That is over 1/4 of the total budget. At this rate, we're going to need 1/4 of the guests to decline! (Joke)

Elizabeth- I'm totally with you on the cash bar. I think a cash bar is way worse than a dry wedding. I think there are acceptable times for a dry wedding, but I can't think of any acceptable reasons for a cash bar. As far as the guest list goes, if a person only has (or wants) 50 people on their list and can't afford alcohol- fine. I'm going to assume that the couple is extremely close to those 50 people. I think what upsets me is when people invite 250-300 people and then say that want a dry wedding or cash bar because it will save them money. I'm sorry, what?! You're telling me that you can afford dinner and what not for 300 people, but you don't want to serve them alcohol?! Now I've been to a dry wedding once. It was my brothers close friend who happens to be Mormon. We went, had some dinner, chatted with the groom, and waited until the bride and groom left to leave. It was a fun night, but going in I knew what to expect. I recently went to a wedding with a cash bar which I had no idea about until after the ceremony. The bride's thought was that it would save her money and it would stop people from getting drunk. Yes it saved her money, but people started sneaking in their own alcohol and stealing half empty cups on the table and got drunk anyway. So Elizabeth, let's agree that cash bars are terrible and agree to disagree on the whole dry weddings thing!

@Celia show us where it says that if you don't provide alcohol, you are not properly hosting. No such thing exists because it's 100% wrong. It is NOT against etiquette to host a dry wedding, so please stop trying to pass false information as fact when it is not.

@Brittany I will agree that if someone can afford 300 people at their wedding, then yes, they can absolutely serve alcohol and cut the guest list if they have to do in order to do so. I guess I'm more bothered by the fact that there are people out there who really are struggling with budget weddings and we're making them feel like crap because they can't buy alcohol for all their guests when they're already strapped with their $5000 wedding or cake and punch reception (which despite Celia's beliefs, is 100% in-line with standard etiquette and THAT is a fact).

We shouldn't be ragging on someone else's wedding and making them feel like if they can't afford to buy alcohol, then they should just scrap the whole thing when they're already at their budget limit for the few people they want to invite. That's my objection to this thread.

I think if you can't afford to provide alcohol, then you should probably look at doing an afternoon cake and punch reception. No shame in that. But don't do the whole evening reception with a full plated dinner and all that and then claim alcohol just isn't in your budget. It's stupid.

Elizabeth- I agree with your stance. There is a difference between someone who is inviting 50 people on a small budget and someone who is inviting 200 people on an average budget and claiming they can't afford alcohol. I'm still not a fan of dry weddings (though there are some exceptions), but I am

More understanding of very specific situations. I guess what I'm saying is there is a time and a place for a dry wedding, but the majority of people that want dry weddings have these crazy expectations that their guests will have just as much fun as if they have alcohol.

"False Information"....I love that. Like I'm the CIA......

Adults want wine.

I have nothing against cake and punch in the afternoon, but I wouldn't fly across the country for it. I have everything against 200-300 guests in a fancy venue (or for that matter, any kind of venue) without offering even the barest minimum of alcohol.

The basic tenet still stands; if you can't afford to host your people well, then cut the list. Those last 100 guests do not want to spend time and money coming to your wedding to have a piece of cake and punch. Seeing you get married is not the flat out hoot you think it is, okay? Seeing you get married with a nice (not extravagant, but nice) party is.

Somewhere along the history of weddings timeline, we started to think that we all have to invite everyone in our family, everyone in our extended family, everyone our family has ever met in order to have a celebration, whether or not we can afford to provide even the most basic hosting.

And that's not true.

@Celia who people invite is their business as they're the ones footing the bill. I have nothing against people who have the opinion that a small guest list is better than not serving alcohol, as I told @Brittany. I do have something against people making others feel like crap by providing false information (and no, you don't have to be the CIA to post information you know is false with the intention of making others feel guilty for not doing what you want them to do) just because they can. The truth is, you may not like it, but there is nothing in standard etiquette that dictates weddings have to have alcohol or that it's rude not to provide alcohol, regardless of how big or small your guest list is.

Everything else is just opinion.