PSA: Serve Alcohol at Your Wedding

No one on the internet should have the power to make anyone else feel like crap. If you feel like crap, it's probably because deep down in your core you know you're doing something crappy.

Where's my wine?

Isn't etiquette in itself just an opinion?

@Celia or maybe you're being bullied to think you're doing something crappy.

@VenetianBride no, etiquette actually isn't just opinion.

But the rules of etiquette are founded in people opinions of what is and isn't appropriate. If not opinions, then etiquette is based on what? Scientific method? I don't understand what you're saying.

A good host is one who serves a refreshment of food and drink for their guests. It does not have to be alcohol. But with that, serving alcohol will produce one kind of wedding while not serving it will produce another kind. Morning or early afternoon weddings are best suited to dry weddings, while afternoon and evening weddings are better suited served with alcohol.

I apparently am one of the few who can adapt to either kind.

Having alcohol does not mean people will get drunk. However, I find it pretty sad that many feel having alcohol is a make or break it for enjoying a wedding.

A gracious guest receives whats been offered to them with gratitude and doesn't knock the host down.

I find it obnoxious when people assume it must be one way or no way.

@VenetianBride no. Is it opinion that it's rude for me to show up to your house uninvited and knock on your door at midnight because I want to chat? Is it opinion that it's rude for me to come to a dinner party at your house when I wasn't invited or to bring 10 other guests with me who weren't invited? There are etiquette guidelines for a reason and while one could, in the most concrete of frames of mind, argue that it's opinion, these are accepted guidelines in society for a reason.

@MrsA I agree with everything you said.

Maybe I'm weird, but I really have no problem with a cash bar. I have been to something like 11 or 12 weddings in my life and all, but 2 were cash bars. The two that weren't were in the Florida Keys and Napa Valley. The rest were Atlantic Canada. Admittedly most of those cash bar weddings did provide something (1 hour of open bar, drink tickets, wine service with dinner), but it really never occurred to me to be offended.

I agree that is is polite to provide something. Before I even joined wedding wire my mother and my godparents told me that we had to provide alcohol and pooled some money between them to help us out so that we could. But as I said, it doesn't bother me if others don't go that direction and I don't think I would ever base my decision to attend a wedding on whether or not drinks were being provided. And maybe I'm weird on this too, but I think I would rather a cash bar than a dry wedding. I would still happily attend a dry wedding, of course, but if I had a choice I would like to buy a drink.

But the whole concept of "rude" is an opinion.

@Elizabeth you're in the wrong place to argue for a dry wedding. I've never actually heard someone try to preach etiquette while arguing for a dry wedding before. Kind of an oxymoron. Maybe try WeddingBee?

No. Etiquette is not an opinion. Neither is rude.

And FSS, don't use the seriuously overused 'B' word when it comes to having a dry wedding or not.

Side eye yes. Bullying...well, just no.

@VenetianBride you're free to think that rules of etiquette are opinion, but that doesn't make it true.

@Kristen who are you to tell people where they should or shouldn't be posting? Just curious because I'm almost positive that's not your place. Yes, I posted about etiquette because people like you are either ignorant of it or choose to ignore it so that you can make others feel guilty about the type of wedding they can afford/choose to have by convincing them that it's "rude."

@Elizabeth you're awfully defensive. I actually know a lot about etiquette and made sure to follow it as I was planning my wedding. I suggested WeddingBee because the girls over there basically think everyone's ideas are awesome and they agree with everything. At WW you'll get criticism where it is warranted and you'll also get a ton of great advice. If you just want someone to agree with every post you make no matter how horrible the idea, this isn't the place.

Everyone is so set on save money! Cut the guest list! I'm sorry, but maybe people are more important to me than alcohol. Weddings are not about the alcohol.

Cutting alcohol could mean I can invite 20 more people to the party. It is possible to enjoy yourself without alcohol.

FYI: I did serve an open bar at my wedding, but I would nothing against going to a dry wedding. I've been to them and never once found the "dry" part to be what I complained about.

Beth- thank you for sharing your stories. That's an interesting perspective that you have!

Ok, as a person that doesn't drink because I once had a serious drinking problem-- I mean I grew up in Wisconsin, is anyone surprised?- and the majority of my friends are not drinkers, I'm still 100% against dry weddings unless it is a Sunday brunch (even then I'd do mimosas). My FIL is a recovering alcoholic as well and he agrees that if he gets uncomfortable he will politely excuse himself for the sake of the other 200 adults that will be there.

We can't afford the typical open bar so we kept shopping around until we could find a venue that we could afford. We are probably going to go with a venue outside Milwaukee that will allow us to bring in our own bartender and beverages. We are going to have a few half barrels of beer, a dozen bottles of wine, 3 different mixers and soda. It isn't the full open bar that we would love to do, but it falls within our budget and will suffice the majority of our guests.

I don't like reading people that say they can't afford something. If it is important to you, you will rearrange something that doesn't matter as much to make it work. it may not be 100% the day you dreamed of, but I think we are all adults and should realize that the world doesn't revolve around our dreams and wishes. Reality sinks in and we have to pull up our big girl panties and make things work. Your wedding is your day, but you are asking a ton of people to spend 5+ hours in (possibly) awkward clothing, mingling with people they usually wouldn't, and dancing- give them something to loosen them up a bit. Adults will self regulate, and if they can't, call them an Uber and party on!

*jumps off soap box*

Sadly I can't post a meme due to crazy work set up!

@Kristen I'm not defensive. I stick up for myself, especially when someone tells me to get lost. Hate to break it to you but I'm not a fragile little flower and just because I disagree with what you've posted doesn't mean that I can't take criticism. As I've already said, I'm having an open bar at my wedding. I just think that it's incredibly tacky for some of you to act like those who can't afford alcohol are doing something wrong. They are not. Just because that's not the kind of wedding YOU want to attend doesn't mean they're being rude to their guests and posting that it is is plain wrong.

And FYI, it's not your place to judge which ideas are good or bad. I haven't posted anything about wedding on this thread other than I'm having an open bar, so get off your high horse. I'm just as free to judge YOUR horrible advice as you think you are of mine, so take your own advice.

"I don't like reading people that say they can't afford something. If it is important to you, you will rearrange something that doesn't matter as much to make it work. it may not be 100% the day you dreamed of, but I think we are all adults and should realize that the world doesn't revolve around our dreams and wishes." -- @Salisott

But the world should revolve around providing alcohol you can't afford to your guests?

This does not go just go for alcohol. This can be said for many other things. Just because you don't drink, eat meat, sweets etc. does not mean the rest of us have to join in on your PERSONAL choice.

Elizabeth, in response to Celia, you wrote, "...you don't have to be the CIA to post information you know is false with the intention of making others feel guilty for not doing what you want them to do."

It's fine to disagree, but it's not fine to judge Celia's motive for posting her position (especially when you judged it incorrectly). I've been around long enough to believe that Celia's advice, in whatever way it's delivered, is not based on information she knows is false. It's based on countless years of experience in the wedding industry. She shares that advice not because she wants brides to feel crappy if they don't do what she wants; she shares that advice because she wants brides to have the best experience possible.

If you can't afford to provide food and drinks for your guests, you need to cut your guest list. It's been stated so many times that cutting the guest list cuts costs the quickest.

Why are you posting on a forum if you don't want advice on which ideas are good or bad? Isn't that what WW is for?

@The Centerpiece Flowers she posted that not serving alcohol means you're not properly hosting when this is just not true. Not properly hosting means a breach of etiquette which does not apply here. So yes, the information she posted is wrong.

@Kristen who said they can't provide food and drinks???? Where was that stated??? I think you've completely misunderstood this thread. I am posting here for same reason you are. Quit assuming that your opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.