Professional Photo Etiquette

Discuss with your photographer before hand. My Photographer asked for a list of immediate family from my parents sides and my FH's family's side so that nobody is missed. They'll probably group them up by family instead of individual person.

I don't see why it wouldn't be okay for the flower girl and her mom to get a picture just them - at least one or two pictures - as long as it doesn't turn into a mini photo session for them

Speak with your photographer if you are worried about family trying to get professional photos done. Outside of the initial family photos, I'm pretty sure they will know to not do family photoshoots and only take those kinds of photos as "action shots" Mother and niece dancing, family having fun, etc.

The first example you gave is easier to accommodate since the flower girl may already be there (mom standing side lines) when taking some of the group shots (if you want her in them)

Hi there, so I’m also getting married next weekend and my fiancé has a huge family. I have made a list with my photographer on which family portraits I would like to have. To answer questions to your specific examples:


1) I think it’s a great idea to have a pic of the flower girl and her mom. In my case her mom is also one of the bridesmaids so they will look super cute. I would also have their family take their own family portrait since the father is the best man, the mother is a bridesmaid, their son is the ring bearer and their daughter is the flower girl
2) I have limited the number of extended family portraits by discussing with my photographer and also assigning someone in the bridal party to gather those that are in the family portraits after the ceremony. This way the rest can head to the cocktail hour and we can get family portraits done fast.

People do often try and "snag" the photographer for private family photos while everyone is dressed up. It's really annoying and takes up the photographer's time. I'm sure yours will have dealt with this before. I would have a chat with them and ask that they not misdirect attention from the shots you want.

Have a chat with the photographer and tell them exactly who you want formal photos with.

If you want a picture of the flower girl with her mother, that is fine. If you don't, that is also fine.

If you don't want portraits with FH's third cousin twice removed's niece, tell your photographer.

Listen: speaking from experience, your photographer does not want to waste your cocktail hour taking 800 formal portraits of your extended family. Your wedding photographer is in the business because they are an artist, and they specialize in a particular kind of art: beautiful, romantic photos of couples' weddings. Formal portraits are none of those things. They are a formality. No photographer even LIKES taking these photos, they're just expected. And I'm sure there are some that you want for yourself, and that's fine, but it's also totally fine if you don't want one with every member and configuration of your FH's extended family. Your photographer will be on your side here.

Decide for yourself who YOU want formal portraits with, and tell your photographer who those people are. They are a professional, and should be able to politely intervene on any family member who tries to intrude on that, as well as know how to appropriately corral the people you DO want.

As for where to draw the line, this depends on your relationships. If you have a super close, nearly-raised-you bond with your grandparents, then they probably deserve their own portrait with you alone. As a general rule, in a "typical" family situation, my suggestion is:

Bride with her parents
Groom with his parents
Bride and groom together with both sets of parents
Bride and groom together with their parents and grandparents
Bride and groom together with their parents, grandparents, and siblings if you are so inclined/have a close relationship with your siblings

No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. Not only is this excessive, but it opens the flood gates to "and now grandparents and cousins - and now only mom's side - and now..." and can easily lead to hurt feelings ("why'd they get a picture with Aunt Sally but not me??" "I can't believe she skipped her cousin Randal, but made sure they got a picture with his cousin Suzie!") Just my personal suggestion there.

All of this is really personal preference. We did a first look so most of our photos were done before our ceremony. After the ceremony, we had our second shooter do portraits for each of our bridal party members with their SOs and their kids while our main photographer got the last of our bride/groom portraits. If we hadn’t done photos during the first look I probably wouldn’t have done that. We didn’t do any photos with family beyond parents, siblings, and grandparents and we did all those before our ceremony as well.

Hello…We just tied the knot Sunday! You can photo anyone you want it’s your choice! There’s no right or wrong way. Look at it like this…. you will want those special photos so don’t forget them! Anyone can be photographed but I would want to make sure you capture the ones you want so you don’t forget.

My FH also has a huge family.

We are doing pics with his parents/siblings only for the formal portraits.

During the reception, we will have some quick photos: Us with his parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/1st cousins, and then a picture of ALL family members ( great aunts/2nd cousins/3rd cousins, really anyone who considers themselves extended family is welcome to be in that one)

Definitely, DEFINITELY have a list and stick to it.

At my BIL's wedding they did all the photos they had on their list and then the photographer called out saying anyone who wanted a photo with the bride and groom could come and get one.

They only had 60 guests but it took hours, and my fiance (the groom's brother) almost missed out on a photo with just the siblings and their partners. In the end he went up to the photographer and told him he was taking one more photo with us in it, and then he was taking the bride and groom away to have a drink and do photos by themselves. He told his brother and his wife that they didn't even need to smile in it, LOL.

I wouldn't want to risk a situation like that. Provide the photographer with a clear list, and tell them not to allow endless photos if you have a timeline you're trying to stick to. Are you having a second shooter? To me, I wouldn't mind if the mother and flowergirl had quite a few shots if my second shooter was taking them, as long as it didn't take more than 10 minutes or so - but each photographer in our case has specific jobs at each time.

Ie, our main photographer will come with us to do couple shots, and the second shooter will take candid photos of our guests talking during the cocktail hour. I'd be annoyed if we didn't get any of those photos due to the mother of the flowergirl insisting on 40 photos of them together, but I assume that's not what you're expecting.

Have a list of the formal group photos you want. Assign one person from each family to round up the necessary people for the next photo (we got my sister’s husband to look after my side, and my husband’s sister to look after his side) and give them a copy of the list. Then as each photo is being taken, they are organising the people for the next one. Bonus points if they have a nice loud voice! That way your formal photos are organised and take as little time as possible.

Once you get to the reception, your photographer most probably will be absolutely fine saying “sorry, no, I’m not here to take photos of the bridal couple’s extended family” - but chat with them beforehand to double check that with them.

If you want a picture of your flower girl with her mom, of course it's acceptable! It's your day and your photographer. You can get pictures of whoever you want.

For groupings, sit down with your fiancé and make a list of "must have" groups. examples:

Couple with Groom's parents

Couple with Groom's siblings

Couple with Bride's parents

etc.

Type this list out and list everyone's names in each grouping. And be specific! Give this list to your photographer beforehand, check with them to make sure there is enough time for the number of groups you want.

About a few days or a week before the wedding tell every single person that is on that list you need them to stay for family photos after the ceremony, and tell no one else. If anyone else asks say you spoke with everyone you need for photos. BE SPECIFIC! Tell both the mom's (or whoever you want in charge on either side) who is suppose to be there for photos. Have a designated person for both sides to round up people for the next group picture.

I have the same worries for my fiancé's family. I am a year out and I've already made a specific list because I know his grandmother is going to try to shove aunts and uncles in pictures and we just don't have time for all of that.

The photographer will listen to you, you just have to tell them what you want.