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I disagree that "you have to invite them both". If you can't afford it or if you simply don't want the other person there you shouldn't have to invite them simply because they are in a relationship with someone you want to attend.

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Thank you but I really want to hear from Nemo as she made the comment.

View Quoted Comment It’s not expecting people to follow my exact path, etiquette is there for literally everyone. Manners are a universal thing. Excluding someone’s spouse is frowned upon. It’s not simply a matter of “because the book says so”, people need to understand why this rule exists in the first place.

It exists because a married couple is recognized by the country you reside in. A wedding ceremony is the unity of marriage, why would another marriage be not recognized if even the government recognizes it? It looks hypocritical for the B&G to ask friend to witness their unity while not acknowledging her own. It’s considered rude because it’s hurtful.

You can cite money or space reasons, they’re not an excuse to hurt someone’s feelings. B&G can find something else to cut if they want that friend there. I know wedding planning isn’t easy at all, people agonize over their guest lists but this decision is a no brainer. We all want to make it through our weddings unscathed, etiquette is honestly a good guide for that. There will always be an unhappy guest or two but at least you know you made the best possible decisions. The overwhelming majority of replies here would be hurt by B&G excluding their spouse.

I do want to briefly touch on non-married partnerships as well. Some people can’t get married but have been together for years. I do think they deserve the same as the married couples.

There’s a lot of old outdated etiquette rules now that people wouldn’t bat an eye at today but I stand firm that this isn’t one you can break, not if it’s going to hurt someone you care about.

View Quoted Comment I respect your opinion, however mine has not changed. We will agree to disagree. Thanks for sharing.

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A couple in a relationship, and a married couple in particular, is a social unit and deserves to be treated as such. You either invite both or neither. To invite only one half of the couple is terrible etiquette and manners and shows total lack of consideration for both people.

It basically tells the half of the couple who you want to invite "I want you to spend your time and money to come to my party to celebrate my relationship and give me gifts, but I don't care enough about you to even recognize your relationship or to do the bare minimum to ensure your comfort and enjoyment at the party."

The usual "reasons" given on this site of budget or not knowing the other person aren't excuses for being so inconsiderate.

View Quoted Comment We invited friends not in long term relationships too, but we did not give them plus ones.

We didn't want people we didn't know at our wedding.

Seen too many dates go south, and they are all over wedding pictures

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Your response makes a lot of assumptions about the married couple and I think that is unfair.

Budget or wanting the other person there aren't "inconsiderate", they are facts.

My perspective is that couples can do whatever they want at there wedding and others can accept it or not. But labeling them rude, inconsiderate, etc. is not necessary. The reality is it's their day that they are paying for and any decisions they make are well within their rights.

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I can understand that.

If budget is a concern, then make cuts. Either that, or the couple should do a court wedding and then do a bigger celebration when they can afford it (a vow renewal, perhaps).
Etiquette goes beyond the wedding, and if you continue to break unspoken etiquette rules, you may wind up losing a lot of friends in the process.

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I will agree to disagree with you on this one.

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I agree with you in that the couple can make any decisions they want for the wedding, however that doesn't mean that their decisions are not rude or inconsiderate. They don't get a free pass to treat people poorly just because they're throwing a party. Etiquette exists for a reason and has existed for a very long time. Doing something that is blatantly against it is rude.

As I said before, married couples are a social unit and should be invited together. If the couple having the wedding can't afford to invite both people or doesn't want to invite both, then they shouldn't invite either.

When someone chooses to host a social event they have a responsibility to put the comfort, enjoyment, and well being of their guests first. If they don't want to do that for some or all of their guests, then they shouldn't invite them.

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I disagree with your perspective. It's actually rude to project your feelings onto someone else simply because they don't do things the way that you would. We'll have to agree to disagree.

View Quoted Comment No. Have the wedding you can afford. I’d be fine if you didn’t invite me but paying for my partner isn’t an option. If you can’t afford to host everyone on your guest list appropriately, cut the guest list.

View Quoted Comment *their. I find it fascinating that you’re doubling down and refusing to see that everyone else on the thread is telling you that etiquette is important and not inviting spouses is wrong.

View Quoted Comment This! All of this! You said it far more eloquently than I did

I know someone who this happened to, she was extremely offended and chose not to attend the wedding. The "we cant invite everyone' excuse was used, but it didn't change anything about how it made her feel when the couple completely disregarded her relationship.

Honestly, it would depend on my relationship with the person. If they are my 'best friend' I feel that they wouldn't put me in that position to begin with. Unless my closest friends were also invited (without plus ones/spouses as well) and I could attend with them, I most likely would not go.

I can see both sides here, but I personally would be offended if I was invited to a wedding and my spouse was not. It doesn't necessarily mean my opinion is right, but I know a lot of people who would feel the same way. If it really is an issue to invite spouses for budget reasons, I would suggest that they personally talk to each person up front so they aren't surprises & may be a bit more understanding.

Nope. I assume if you were my friend then you are a friend of my spouse and I would be very hurt and very wooooow on only inviting me. ESPECIALLY if I see other couples there

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That's fair, but then you can't use it against your friend if they don't invite you.

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Yes, I am doubling down on my opinion because it is my opinion. I don't have to accept others opinion on etiquette. More importantly, my post was a hypothetical question so it's really not that serious.

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I can understand how others may see it as an excuse. I can also see both sides of this situation. I'm not saying that I wouldn't initially be offended, but I'd have to accept that everyone chooses to run their wedding the way they see fit. If my best friend invited me to a wedding that my husband couldn't attend I'd either have a conversation with her, not go, and support her from a distance or go without my husband. But I wouldn't impose my feelings, beliefs, or etiquette on her wedding.