Private ceremony & open reception on another date

View Quoted Comment My graduation open house was at my house... there were 300+ that stopped by... not an issue that I’m concerned about.

View Quoted Comment We all have to make compromises. Either you celebrate with everyone elsewhere, or you have the people you can fit at the special location.

View Quoted Comment And just because you think it is rude doesn't mean that it is. The definition of rude is offensively impolite. There is nothing offensive about not being able to afford a wedding for 300 people. There is nothing offensive about having a party later to have fun with those 300 people. What is rude is trying to dictate what another's wedding should look like based on your opinions. Perhaps the OPs friends are much like me and my FH family, happy to be able to celebrate with the couple in whatever manner they can afford. Perhaps her friends are understanding and loving and would be more offended if she simply wrote them off because she doesn't have a lot of money.

ETA I know the FH cousin doesn't have a lot of money and my comment was more towards that than the Op. I know it isn't the exact same comparison, so let me say it should probably be worded more like, perhaps her friends are more loving and understanding and would be more offended if she didn't celebrate with them just because she was unable to physically change the dimensions of her perfect venue to hold all those she loves.

OP, I don't think there is anything offensive in being as inclusive as you can in your original venue, and then having a party sometime later. As someone who hosts and attends gatherings of all sorts with friends and family for all reasons, I wouldn't think twice about being invited to a secondary party like that. I can't think of anyone in my life who would feel slighted or get snooty over something like that. But I have also cultivated a wonderful circle of loving, caring, and accepting friends (family was already that way). You know your people best. Do what you think is best, and if you think they would love to celebrate with you at a BBQ, have your BBQ and lakehouse, too!

View Quoted Comment

That really depends on what kind of party she's planning on having. Calling the party a reception is offensive, since a reception is to receive your guests after they've watched you get married. Expecting people to bring gifts is offensive and gift grabby if they weren't invited to the wedding. Expecting people to take even more time off from work and spend extra money on a place to stay and food to be there for the ceremony and then stay for the reception a week later is offensive and selfish.

Not inviting people to a wedding isn't writing them off, it's meeting the expectations of good hosting and etiquette. If your friends are as loving and understanding as you think they are they would understand you not being able to afford inviting them in the first place.

So instead of celebrating the marriage of their daughter, your parents get to cook and serve 300 people?

Sounds great. Not.

I think others have covered some of the problems pretty well so I'm not going to harp too much on those.

Moving on: we're doing a private ceremony (parents, grandparents, wedding party) with a celebration of marriage later. We had planned a big wedding for 12/1/18 but pushed it up to 5/19/18 because of some drama with my sister and also FH's grandmother has stage 4 lung cancer so he was afraid she wouldn't make it that long. The only reason the wedding party will be there is b/c we already asked them before cancelling the original wedding so we couldn't really go back on that. We will be feeding them after the ceremony. For our celebration of marriage, we are still treating it like any other reception. We're having a dj, full bar, and catered food. We don't want gifts and if anyone asks us about them we're going to try our best to steer them away from buying anything. But we still want to have the chance to celebrate with them even though we're speeding up our marriage. I attached a copy of our invitation for the celebration in case you want to take a look at the wording. But I do agree with others about making the intimate wedding more intimate and hosting the celebration like you would a reception

The backThe front

@Lthomas
Not many will agree, but personally I do not find your idea to be rude in any way. I'd make two invitations. Ceremony invites for the Lake property, and party invites, for the celebration. Again, I would not be offended being invited only to the celebration. If fact, some people may be happy to not feel obligated to attend the ceremony. And if your concerned about seeming 'gift grabby' then state on the invites 'please no gifts, just your presence is gift enough' or something sorta like that. Just my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you. I don't understand the people on here who seem to think that this is wrong in some way. I cannot imagine one person in my life who wouldn't agree with what she is doing. I can't imagine one person who would expect her to change her dream venue to accommodate them, or to not have a party later simply because her dream venue had physical limitations.

View Quoted Comment My parents paid for all the food and a family friend took care of all food prep. We just had my sisters wedding and it went perfect. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU! I am not sure why people are jumping me. There are ways to make it work because I’ve heard and seen it done! Maybe I just worded things wrong. The people invited to the “reception” won’t know that there were more than close family at the wedding...

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Everyone is being hateful! Honestly... I should not have asked because it’s my wedding and if people don’t like it, oh well!

View Quoted Comment When I read some of the responses, for wedding ideas, that do not fall under 'traditional', it makes me wonder who the wedding day is for...the couple, or the guests. I also think unique is becoming the new tradition. Do what feels good for you, and your FH. People will talk regardless of what you choose to do. I love your idea, and I feel like it includes everyone, in some way.

View Quoted Comment Let me break it down for you. The ceremony is for the couple and the reception is a thank you to the guests for witnessing the ceremony. It's actually not that difficult but sooooooo many people get it wrong. In regards to ops plan, I'd rather not be invited to celebrate the event that I wasn't deemed close enough to actually witness but no biggie because I'd just decline. I'm not going to travel and potentially take time off for just a party, like I would for a wedding.

View Quoted Comment Disagreeing with you and thinking your plan is rude isn't being hateful.

View Quoted Comment I'm basing my opinion on personal preference, and discussions I've had with many people, regarding a nontradional idea. Personally found a number of people that like the idea of 'celebrating' without feeling obligated to attend the ceremony. I was actually surprised by the number of people that would rather skip the actual service. It can be a long day for guests too, and people are busy with their own lives. I'm from a small area, so I don't really understand the travel time thing, and taking time off for a wedding. It's just not common around here. A lot of blue collar people that like to drink, and lack formal etiquette. I'm not saying they're rude or anything, just more relaxed. I appreciate your explaination of the traditional reasoning of a reception, I just simply disagree with it being flat out rude. But, to each his own.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!!

Two words: GIFT. GRABBY.

"The people invited to the “reception” won’t know that there were more than close family at the wedding..."

Nice.

Of course they won't know -- unless they do actually find out. I'm sure it will go over just swell, though. I mean, the fact that a majority of us here find this rude must be a fluke. You're fortunate to have so many people in your life who are so understanding of how your situation takes precedence.

Honestly, it's your wedding! My plan is to have a small private ceremony with the ladies and gentlemen my FH and I are having stand up and then immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) and that is IT. And then a reception with everyone else in our lives afterwards! Everyone I have talked to about this thinks it's a great idea and that I need to do what I want and not what everyone else is "expecting" of me.