Private ceremony & open reception on another date

View Quoted Comment We will provide food and lodging for the 70. I’m not worried about it because we aren’t paying for either venue or lodging. It’s family property. And the food (just like my sisters wedding of 400 will be done by my parents and their connections) I don’t want to change venues because I don’t want a big wedding... I only want the 70 because that’s just family and it’s intimate.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! This helps! I guess “party” does sound better.

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Does this mean your parents are hiring a caterer or that they're cooking everything themselves?

View Quoted Comment Cooking everything themselves

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How did they keep food warm for 400 people? Do they have a catering background?

I am having a DW, we are having a full wedding in Key West with ceremony, reception, etc. but we are having a truly small affair with only 30 people. Even with a destination wedding, we are on the edge about having a celebration in our hometown because it is rude to not have invited these people to the actual wedding. Honestly you either need to resign yourself to only celebrating with the 70 people you are inviting or find a bigger venue. There is no polite way to do what your plan is and that's that.

Generally, I am fine with an intimate ceremony and a larger well hosted reception. However, 70 is not intimate and you will likely offend some and may even be perceived as gift grabby. If you are set on doing this, the larger reception NEEDS to be well hosted (i.e, full meal, open bar, good music) or it will definitely look like a gift grab.

View Quoted Comment How can two non pros safely cook food for 300 people?!?!

I think this is going to end up costing more in time and financially than you really believe.

This really does strike me as a tiered wedding. It sounds like you want two things; a ceremony at the cottage and a big party. You're trying to have both with the risk of potentially offending people. 70 people is not "private". Your second tier people may be hurt at just being invited to the BBQ.

I would pick one if I were you.

Welp, this just took an interesting turn with the self catering. Not going to touch it other than to say: I'm not sure why no one saw that coming though with a 300 person guest count in a backyard...

Anyway, for the actual wedding- if you're going to treat it like a destination wedding, then treat your 70 guests like you would if they were going to Mexico or Hawaii or the Alps for you. That means provide them with a reception immediately after your wedding- meal, drinks, entertainment. Those people would get an actual wedding invitation.

Then you can send out a separate invite to your home town guests for a "celebration of marriage" or whatever you want to call it.

View Quoted Comment A family friend helped a ton. She is starting a catering business

When you said "private" in your title, I was thinking no more than 10-15 people. Then you said 70 and I'm like, "but that's a full guest list". You're inviting your ex-step dad and his new wife? Newsflash, that's not immediate family.

Have the wedding you can afford. That means a one and done. With a guest list you can afford.

View Quoted Comment My FH comes from a huge family, and they all live within 100 miles of each other. I can understand his cousin wanting to include everyone, but not being able to afford it. They are having 15 people witness their ceremony. They are having more than a 100 come party after they get back. They can't afford to host the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. for the ceremony. Not a single one of us thought it was rude that they are planning it this way.

ETA: Their 15 people are limited to the way you all are defining immediate family.

EtA (i am not good at this on mobile) are NOT limited to the definitions on here. There is a friend from college, a cousin, and an uncle and aunt in the number.

Very hard pass on these ideas. They fly in the face of any etiquette at all.

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Just because you don't think its rude doesn't mean its not rude.

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Wow how are you insuring this event? No homeowner's insurance covers events that are hosted on the premises of the insured property that are of that size AND aren't hosted by a licensed caterer.

You may honestly want to consider talking to the insurance about this. If you don't get event insurance or they refuse to cover the event insurance and something happens during your wedding your family will be held personally liable and could lose that house!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Everyone on here is kind of being rude. I never said anything about not being able to pay for people. It’s not about that. It’s about the special location of our ceremony. We want to celebrate with everyone but it just won’t work.