Pregnant Bridesmaid

What makes you think she doesn't want to be in the wedding now? She is still going to the bridal shower. Asking her to attend a bridal shower and bachelorette party might be too much.

Have you tried reaching out to her regarding something other than your wedding?

Speaking as a pregnant lady, I probably wouldn't want to go to the bachelorette party either. It is NOT fun for me to be the only sober person, I suddenly hate the smell of alcohol, and I wouldn't want to travel for this party knowing I probably wouldn't have much fun at it.

I think you're being a little selfish to be honest. Her attending the bach party isn't a requirement for her to come to the wedding either.

She may have cited distance to be her reason in not going to the bachelorette party, but that may have been her way of declining without telling you her true feelings. Given that you seem to be a bit high-strung about your wedding and feeling the need to question her reason for declining, she probably didn't think you would be understanding regarding her personal feelings on the matter. Either way, a decline is a decline, an accepted is an accepted, regardless of the reason.

She's declined your bachelorette party.

She's accepted your request to be a bridesmaid.

She's accepted your wedding invitation.

But most importantly, she's pregnant.

She seems to be doing as much as she can for these events.

Depending on how far in advance your bachelorette party is, she might not be allowed to go. I have 2 pregnant BM right now and my sister (MOH) is working around their 'no travel' time frames because both of them are high risk and cannot travel at 35 weeks.

She has not said that she is coming to the wedding yet. I have tried to reach out to her outside of the wedding. I am so happy the she is expecting and I was the first one she called when she found out. When she told me it almost sounded like she wanted me to kick her out of the wedding because of that. My issue is she will have to travel for the wedding too and if she can't travel to that, I would rather know now then later. I am not high strung about this at all and it has been a breeze planning for me. I have tried to make things as easy as possible for my guest and my bridal party. Their comfort is the most important thing to me.

She might be selective on what events she wants to travel to. Just because the shower and bachelorette party are about the same distance doesn't mean just because she can travel to one she should be able to travel to the other. As other people have said, being pregnant at a bachelorette party doesn't sound fun, whereas being at a shower might be more fun for her. As for your wedding, you still have time. Maybe she is feeling very sick now but will feel better as your wedding gets closer. Give her some time and your support.

I agree that being pregnant would probably deter anyone from attending a bachelorette. One of my BM's is pregnant and is still attending mine and I'm honestly surprised. I however wont care if she declines the invite to rest at home and not be around drunk people.

I'm sure shes still coming to the wedding. Rather than flat out asking "hey are you coming to the wedding" perhaps you can ask something along the lines of "how can I make this wedding day more comfortable for you?"

Yes it's wrong. It would rub me wrong as your bridesmaid and you would seem like you don't understanding. I'm not saying you are...it could be perceived that way though.

I know you want her to come but she may not feel comfortable at the party depending on the activities. She may only have the energy to travel far for 2 events. Reach out to check on her. You'll miss her, but she'll be there for the wedding day.

'My issue is she will have to travel for the wedding too and if she can't travel to that, I would rather know now then later.'

Just ask he straight out. 'Hey, you still ok for the wedding?'

So by your wedding she'll be between 5 & 6 months pregnant I'm thinking.

This time (the second trimester) is also when a lot of women feel the best in their pregnancies. The thing is that she won't know how she's going to feel until it gets closer to the event. I would just give it some more time - you still have 2 months and things will be a lot different for her then. You may be out some money for her bouquet and gift if she can't be a bridesmaid, but it might be something you just have to chalk up to being "what it is". There's a very good chance that she'll be able to make it. How far does she have to travel for your wedding?

And to add from my original post, she may be feeling so sick and tired that she just isn't responding to anyone's calls or text. When I was in my first trimester and before I told anyone I was pregnant, I basically was going to work and coming home and sleeping. I wasn't really answering my phone or anything. Try not to equate her not answering your calls right now as her not wanting to be in your wedding.

My batchlorette party is a week before the wedding. The wedding is about 2 hours away

LEAVE.IT.ALONE.

She's pregnant and probably doesn't want to be around a bunch of drunk people late into the evening.

I wouldn't take her not wanting to attend the ba bachelorette party to heart. Pregnancy can be hard and tiring, and I'm sure it will make her feel left out if she's the only one who isn't drinking. As long as she has her dress, let her alone.

Bachelorette parties aren't always full of drinking. If yours is, then to me it's a no brainer why a preggo lady wouldn't want to go. But if it's been communicated that drinking isn't the focus of the night, i'd check in and see where she's at. Maybe she just doesn't want to slow everyone down. I definitely wouldn't read into it assuming she didn't want to go to the wedding or be a BM anymore.

I hate drunk people when I'm sober, so add the discomfort of pregnancy to that?

NO. She's saying no. That's all that's needed. Pregnancy is exhausting at certain times, and she's going to need to rest. Currently you're not coming off as laid back about this, simply my own observation. Cut her a break.

In terms of the wedding, it doesn't really matter right now anyway. She's not going to know how she'll be in a couple of months. She'll be there if she can, but if she can't the show will go on. It's not that big of a deal.

I think we have to be a friend first, then a bride. PP have covered the rest. Maybe talk with her when it's closer to the wedding and see how she's feeling...

she's making a human, those are hard to make.. we can cut her some slack..

This is a perfect example of why friendships are ruined over weddings. Have you asked her how she is doing? How the pregnancy is going? Have you considered being out late and being sober at a bachelorette might not be awesome for a pregnant lady? She is still supporting you and loving on you by going to the shower so why don't you reciprocate ?

If you suspect she may pull out of the wedding, just outright ask her now. She should never be forced or guilt tripped into coming but the decent thing on her part would be to give a certain amount of notice if she is plannning on pulling out of a wedding.