Potential Invitation Drama

Family can always be a sticky situation. Especially if you have family members that are financially contributing to you wedding. Their say isn't law, but should probably be considered.

I have family in both the Philippines and Canada, while my FH has family in Michigan and Florida (we live in Georgia). While we know that most of our older guests, and those that are out of state/country won't attend, we're still sending them STDs and invites just to be polite since they are family. I'm iffy on sending my grandmother one because of similar issues that you described. I'm not the favorite grandchild by far and don't have a close relationship with her, but I also know that it would hurt my mom if I didn't at least send her an invite (even though it's a positive she won't show up).

Our guest cap is 200 and we're at 193 right now, and that's WITH making it an adult only wedding, so I understand your concerns on keeping the guest count where it needs to be.

It sounds like his recent surgery might have something to do with it, like you mentioned. If it's just her that he's wanting to consider sending an invite to, then maybe consider the idea? Like I said, it could be the recent surgery that has him changing his mind! Good luck!

I would say invite his parents if he's showing that he really wants them to be there. But I would discuss with him that those are the only additional invites that will be considered, and stand firm on that decision. If you don't, then the snowball effect will def. happen.

Also, small world!!

Its completely up to you and your fiancé who you decide to have at your wedding. I would definitely be firm and reiterate that you want no toxic people at your wedding.

I'm confused...........what did your grandmother do wrong? She threw a party to celebrate your achievements, she asked that you be blessed at her mass? How do you get that she's using your achievements to her benefit? How would you have wanted her to react to those accomplishments? Have you ever even hinted to her what makes you feel appreciated, you know your love language? Maybe these were best guesses on how to toot your horn. I'm just not hearing or understanding what is toxic.

Not wanting to step on toes or assume anything, just here to give my experience since Alessandra and I come from similar cultural backgrounds!

My grandparents are the same way with me and always have been growing up. They aren't very vocal with their affection, or show it often which makes it very difficult to understand them or even attempt to create a relationship with them. I have found that with my mother's family (Filipino), especially the older generations, your worth is measured by your accomplishments and how you bring 'honor' to the family name. Often times they only celebrate your accomplishments and throw parties to make themselves look good and appear 'better off' than other families. These parties aren't even necessarily to celebrate you, it's to celebrate the fact that the family has something 'better' than the others. It tends to be a big production/show put on in front of friends and other family members.

It's very much about appearances and 'out doing the Joneses'. When you aren't as successful as the other children/members of the family, you're often looked down on and not shown any affection or attention. Growing up in an environment where my worth was measured by grades and excelling in activities, rather than my own existence...created a toxic and distant relationship between my grandparents and I. I even have difficulties with my mom because of this.

Again, not saying that Alessandra's situation is the same as mine, but I'm just trying to show that culturally it's different and difficult.

If I am reading this correct you are not marrying until October 2022. A lot can happen between now and when you would even need to consider sending STD let alone invites. So I would not stress over this rather just let things play out a bit. The answer of will see usually means I don’t want to deal with this right now. I am not sure your father was really telling you he wanted them invited or was changing his mind but rather thinking like I am a lot can happen in 22 months.

Yes, great advice! I feel like it can be hard because no one wants to step on their relative's toes, but at the same time, this is your day! If someone isn't going to contribute to your happiness on your day, remain firm on your decision to not have them at the event.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way! EF made a great point about waiting to see what happens. It's tough trying to please everyone while wedding planning.