Pot luck rehearsal dinner?!?

It sounds like your family was very generous during your wedding. Most brides do not pay for their BM's dresses.

It is hard to tell anyone's financial situation from the surface, and they may also have just preferred the casual, laid-back feel of a pot-luck dinner over a restaurant meal. It also sounds like you had a lot of financial help with your wedding, and they may not have the same luxury. A lot of brides on here have had at-home BBQ or pizza rehearsal dinners to save on cost. Some brides skip it altogether.

In any case, I hope you will see past the "cheapness" of a pot-luck dinner and support your friend.

Agree with Barbara to the letter.

Stop comparing this wedding to yours. It's not your wedding, and your friend has her own way of doing things, and that's okay.

My new Taste of Home magazine arrived yesterday and there were several recipes in it that would be great for a potluck. I was trying to figure out how to get myself invited to one so I could make something :-)

Welcome to the WeddingWire Community Sheryl!

I also agree with Barbara (and Paris), everyone looks for a different feel for their wedding and some people have different priorities for their money...

I would gladly make a dish and enjoy the evening!

I like the pot luck idea. To be honest, I think that's more intimate. And like the other ladies said here, you don't fully know what their financial situation is and it's not anyone's business but their own. As you are her bridesmaid, I would imagine you really know the bride's character. So if this is completely left field, leave it with the assumption they're just trying to have a nice wedding so each one of their guests (including their wedding party) will have fun. If she's usually "super cheap" then this idea shouldn't have come as a surprise to you. Good luck.

At the risk of inciting the crowds, I tend to lean toward agreeing with Sheryl. If you hadn't originally been told that the dinner would be at a restaurant it's one thing...but if that was what you were told once, and now you're being asked to provide food for this too (on top of the usual BM expenses), if it was me I'd be a little peeved. It's one thing to have the rehearsal dinner in your home -- been to those before and they're great -- but that's not your bridal party's responsibility to pay for that. If dinner is out of the budget, have post-rehearsal appetizers and open a couple bottles of Two Buck Chuck, mix and mingle for an hour, and then let everyone go on their merry way to dinner on their own.

Maybe I'm being a little princess about it, but as much as I love a good potluck (four kinds of potato salad = stuff of my dreams), it does seem a little tacky to me, especially if that's a revision of the message you were originally given.

@Paris-- want to come to my house for a pot luck?

I've gotta say if you've already gone all in for the BM expenses and you're at the point of the rehearsal dinner...a casserole isn't going to break the bank. Besides, weddings used to be more communal events and I think a pot luck would be fun!

I kind of agree on the side that the rehearsal dinner should be a thank you to the parents and wedding party. I don't think its fair for you to have to bring a dish to it. While its not the cost factor that is the problem here, its the point that you were led to believe one thing and then this came as a surprise to you. It doesn't seem really fair. Sorry, but perhaps they have already blown their budget elsewhere and realized a little late that they couldn't also afford a restaurant style dinner. I think it would be nicer for them to get cheaper catering for a home based meal than ask the bridal party to chip in.

While I'd never do a potluck rehearsal dinner myself, I'd be okay if I was invited to one. Sure, I think it's a little tacky because I do see the dinner as a thank you to the bridal party, but it will probably still be fun.

My girls and the groomsmen are all paying for their own clothes. I am paying for hair and nails and presents for the girls but not their clothing. Traditional the rehearsal dinner is a more intimate informal affair than the wedding is since it is only the wedding party, immediate family and the wedding participants and their families. I would not do a potluck necessarily and my mom, FMIL & grandma & I make the food but if I had the space I have gladly held the dinner at my house.

Thanks for everyone's responses. What I didn't add was that the plans for rehearsal dinner were changed after the bride's cousin took over the job as "wedding planner." She's come up with a few other doozies that really don't affect me, so I won't bother to list them here. The (ahem) theme is a "Ladybug Wedding."

When my sister was married they did not have a big restaurant rehearsal dinner--the groom ordered pizzas and brought wine and soft drinks, and they celebrated at the church immediately after the rehearsal. That was intimate and a lot of fun.

Though my mom made all my attendants' dresses, it was out of necessity rather than generosity. I had a definite idea how I wanted my bridesmaids' dresses to look and we could not find anything close either at bridal shops or online--and my bridesmaids ran the gamut as to size, so making them was the best option. Glad she likes to sew!

The bride probably figured you guys are supportive and wont care that she doesn't want to/can't spring for a restaurant dinner. *shrug* Not a big enough deal to get into a tizzy about, in my opinion.

I think a Pot luck rehearsal dinner is tacky. If money is an issue, have a rehearsal dinner earlier in the day, serve hors d'oeuvres and non-alcoholic beverages, and then end before dinner.

BMs typically pay for their own dresses. Being part of a wedding party is an honor, but also has a lot of responsibilities (this includes financial responsibilities as well). Aside from the Potluck dinner, I don't think you have anything to worry about!

It's tacky and presumptuous to think that after the expenses and time you've spent already, you want to now cook for a rehearsal dinner. It should be a time to thank the bridal party for their support, even if that thank you is a piece of pizza and a beer.

(Most attendants buy their own dresses....)

I think the potluck idea is fun! People can bring special family recipes. IT does sound lie more work then going to a restaurant. Someone will have to make sure there are not too many repeats.

One of my friends is having a potluck wedding. Still not sure how I feel about that one. But hey its her special day and she can have it anyway she wants. I think a potluck rehearsal dinner is actually a cute idea.