Politics are hurting my marriage

View Quoted Comment My inlaws also were poor and now have so much money I guess they forget where they came from. He listens when I do talk but always has a comment and it turns into a debate and I feel mentally drained so much. And I will have to see the boots theory and will look it up

View Quoted Comment It has so much tension that even normal conversations and normal day to day activities dont feel the same. Our date nights have turned into a political debate and I dont even want a date night because they have been turning out poorly

My husband would say his character is suspect, but my husband detests Trump mostly based off of a strong sense of empathy and a hatred for his human rights policies- one of the many reasons I love him because we agree quite strongly on the liberal front. Anyway, we have this issue where his family all more or less support Trump - his brother just likes to stir the pot, his parents love Republican ideals and have been staunchly so their whole lives. To them we're the black sheep socialists. It used to be we could avoid the conversation, but sometimes it comes up and my husband and i do get heated because to us its a moral issue. I think your best bet is explaining to him why you get so upset. This isn't just politics - this is a deeply divisive president that is making emotions run high. Deep breath.



I think it helps to remember that not all Trump supporters support his human rights issues - like your husband they just have more conservative views and can't quite bring themselves to go against him. My in laws are like that. My mother in law hates the guy, but they just don't understand how to be a Democrat with the rest of their views. Its a weird time we're living in.

View Quoted Comment Very weird time. And I will continue to try my best and get through it. Unfortunately my hubby's family is all pro Trump and I'm the only Democrat so its uncomfortable and I know with these upcoming holidays I'll leave early., we will leave early.

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It's an interesting theory, and I feel like it really explains the cycle of poverty and the reason that people who are poor have a hard time saving. As far as the debate thing goes, definitely see a counselor.

View Quoted Comment I worked for a domestic violence agency for years before going back to grad school, so yeah, I get it. My family is staunchly pro-Trump (and quite a bit racist honestly) and my mom knows that discussing politics with me will lead me to just not involve myself with them. I am very clear on that. I love my mom and dad because they are my parents, but I 100% disagree with their values. I told them that if they want me to continue speaking to them, politics cannot be part of the discussion. I also unfollowed them all on Facebook because I couldn't stand all the bullshit they were posting and constantly furiously ranting to my poor husband. I honestly have pulled away significantly over the last 4 years because of this. They live 15 minutes away and I see them on holidays. I can understand some of the stress you are going through, but I imagine it's totally different when it is your spouse and not your mom. And as far as his family forgetting, it's definitely a thing. My parents both came to the US as religious refugees from the USSR, but oh man you should have heard them talking about Syrian refugees and the people seeking asylum from south/central america. People have a tendency of viewing themselves as favorably (I deserved the help I got, but these people don't).

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment That's tough for you too. To go through. My parents are democratic so we see eye to eye. But his parents and family make rude comments. A low income apartment for veterans and the homeless were being built across the street in NJ and they decided to move to PA during a pandemic because of it. They look down on people less than them. And I love my husband, but I can see that the more n more we argue n discuss things he appears to be more like his family than I I thought

View Quoted Comment I love the irony of being pro-military but being opposed to housing for veterans 🙄. But yeah, that's tough. If he agrees to counseling, hopefully that will help you sort things out. And sometimes (and I hate to say this), love isn't enough. I'm in grad school for clinical psychology and have learned some things about couple's counseling, and 1 of the things a good couple's counselor is supposed to be aware of is when sometimes the best resolution for a couple is to terminate the relationship in a healthy way. I hope it doesn't come to that and you two are able to discuss things calmly and he is able to see and respect your perspective. Sometimes education can go a long way, and hopefully he is able to understand the importance of social programs to help the less fortunate, and how improving the lives of the few improves the lives of the many. I imagine there is some glimmer of understanding if he encouraged you to go back to school for social work.

View Quoted Comment I hope it doesnt come down to it but at the end of the day I wanna be happy and if this continues for a long time I will be open to terminating the relationship. And yep how ironic, his parents make no sense. On top of it they are racist. So contact is always limited. Clinical psychology oo, good luck! I'm a psych major myself and now finish with my MSW in social work dec 2021.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%. I as a black woman would DEFINITELY feel some type of way about that. Especially since you work with low income and LGBTQ, so it has a huge affect on not only you as a black woman but your career as well.

View Quoted Comment Yep. So its impacting more than my marriage. My career and everything. Its very stressful. And also I'm biracial-half black and half white so unity amongst people really matters

I'm gonna SLIGHTLY agree with sometimes people just wanna be poor and have the government help them. I have a white female friend who is a single mom and lives in section 8 housing... (government assisted living) she gets food stamps. She gets fired from jobs a lot, her choice in men aren't good for her son to have as a "father figure" she can't even keep these guys for more than 1 year, and she is always getting a new tattoo, or her nails done, or dyes her hair, instead of working hard to keep her job, and raise her son in a better area than where she is, but she puts her looks and sex above everything else.... she once told me she didn't want to get a better paying job since the place she lives will up the rent or have her start paying part of it instead of the government paying all of it each month, it's these kinds of people that are a drain, and give low income people a bad name..... then i know another family that is just one big druggy family, that abused the grandmother's money... the grandmother pays for everything for them, and they do nothing but sit around and smoke weed all day... they spend their money on drugs, instead of being responsible with their money and owe the electric company and home heating oil companies over $2,000 and just keep coming up with another grandchild's name to but the accounts in so people don't think it's one family member, and they cheat the system.... so i am thankful you are working and helping the more honest low income families, but there are some who just wanna stay in their mess, too.. i am also aware of some slightly middle/low income landlords who are scumlords and won't pay to fix issues with the property they own, or pay their bills that they owe either. both are black AND white people.... it's not their skin color, but their heart...

View Quoted Comment Not to be too harsh, but your husband sounds like an a**. The fact he is letting it get much in between you is crazy. Did you know his feelings were this strong before you married him because that would have been a huge red flag? While my husband and I don't agree on abortion, it isn't something we would let tear our relationship apart.

View Quoted Comment O yes I meet people and have clients who abuse the system. That's beyond my control but I dont stigmatize like my husband does sometimes.

View Quoted Comment Yes, you deserve happiness. And if this path doesn't work out, you'll find it elsewhere ❤. And thank you! That's exciting! I'm in my 3rd year and expecting to graduate May 2023. Good luck with all of your endeavours, professional and personal. You're doing amazing things for so many families, and you deserve amazing things for yourself.

View Quoted Comment Aw thank you you're very kind and thank you for the support 💗

View Quoted Comment I definitely get it and I'm sorry you are going through this. I would definitely see a marriage counselor and see what they recommend for you guys. I think it really matters because sadly there is not many similarities between the two presidential elects.

View Quoted Comment That's exactly my point to my hubby there are few similarities and they define us. So I hope we can make it

View Quoted Comment I hope that you two can come to some common ground!