Plus Ones

Your wedding isn’t until September, so they would be in that relationship for about 4 months at that point. I would still invite that person with their names partner when you send out invitations. Does this friend live in another state? You don’t think you’ll have met their partner in the next few months? Regardless, it’s not like the person needs to be in all the photos. I would still invite the partner.

View Quoted Comment She’s moving to North Carolina in less than a month (I am in NY) so honestly I don’t know if they are planning to stay together. I thought it was rude to ask but yes chances are I will not meet him before the wedding.

The exes were named on the invitation, so they were guests, not plus ones. Those guests are now no longer invited, so it makes sense to just address that envelope to your friend. With that being said, there are other things you might consider beyond just whether they know other guests, such as whether it will be emotionally taxing on them to attend a wedding alone right after getting out of a relationship. That’s completely just a courtesy, but unless you’re having a super intimate wedding where you’ll be spending significant time with all your guests, you honestly won’t even have time to really notice any strangers. But no, you’re not obligated to replace a guest (the exes) with a plus one (anyone else your friends might invite).

View Quoted Comment Yeah my fiancé and I are being very stingy with the people who get plus ones or additional guests. We really made it a point not to invite people SOs who we have never met or even people who we haven’t talked to in a certain amount of time. She will definitely not be the only person without a “date” actually most of my friends do not have a plus one/guest invited. Do you think I should reach out to her and see her feelings?

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you need to reach out to her as I’m sure she’ll understand and appreciate that her ex is no longer invited. The way you’ve described both these friends, it doesn’t sound like either of them warrant another named guest on the invitation. However, I would now be concerned about your other friends’ partners who didn’t get invited just because you haven’t talked to them enough. It’s generally a faux pas not to invite an established couple as a unit because this is a celebration of love and relationships, so it’s disrespectful not to acknowledge your guests’ relationships. If you search on here, you’ll find plenty of “my bf of 3 years wasn’t invited my college roommate’s wedding and she definitely knows we’re dating, I kind of don’t want to go now” posts. So if any of your other friends are in that situation, you might have people declining on that basis. I totally sympathize with having an intimate guest list, as that’s what FH and I are doing, but it still needs to be done in a way that doesn’t offend the guests you do invite.

View Quoted Comment Sorry I didn’t mean in terms of plus ones or SOs every person who has a SO that I have met at least once is invited. I meant in terms of guests themselves if we haven’t talked to them in a certain amount of time. Like a 3rd cousin that lives in another state who I haven’t seen or talked to in years sort of thing

View Quoted Comment Gotcha. Sounds like you’re in the clear then. Still no need to reach out to your other friends who just broke up with their SOs.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the advice!

It is common courtesy to allow out of state guests a plus one. So I would extend the invite to her.

View Quoted Comment She’s not technically out of state. Born and raised in NY where the wedding is. Will be in NC for 1 year due to work. But otherwise she’s from here and doesn’t know anyone in NC yet.

My MOH was married to our officiant and they divorced. We just dropped him, and we are giving her a plus one since she's in the wedding, as it's courteous.


I would give your friend a named plus one if she is still In a relationship after she moves. It's always nicer to travel with someone rather than alone.

View Quoted Comment If it’s the guy she is with now he is also in NY so it wouldn’t be like he is traveling with her

View Quoted Comment Then don't invite him. You obviously don't want to, what was the purpose of your post?

View Quoted Comment What is the purpose of you being rude? I was just explaining the situation

View Quoted Comment Sorry if I came off as rude. I just was trying to figure out what you were looking for the advice on.

View Quoted Comment The advice was if I should reach out to them individually or if solely addressing them on the invite was enough

View Quoted Comment Lmao. Oh.


Yeah there's no point in reaching out since you never offered them a plus one to start with.

View Quoted Comment Right I just didn’t want anyone to be confused. I know their SO was named in the STD but I didn’t know if they would think it’s now open to invite someone else if that makes sense

So, etiquette-wise, you need to invite the SO of anyone that identifies as being in a relationship, regardless if you've ever met them. It's not considered polite to exclude the partners of your guests. You don't get to judge the validity of the relationship with rules such as "no ring, no bring".

Just wanted to point that out.

Specifically, if your friend in the "new" relationship now is still with her partner when invitations go out and wants to bring him/her, you should invite them.

Unpopular opinion but the one who is truly single doesn’t need a plus one which is by definition a random stranger. A significant other is an automatic named guest. Because the one identifies themselves as being in a relationship, you must honor that by naming their partner on the invitation. It is disrespectful and out of bounds for you to decide whether their relationship is valid while you ask them to celebrate yours.