"Plus ones" that you don't know AT ALL? (small wedding)

This is a decision you have to make but here's my thoughts:

Generally brides and grooms don't give a plus one because that single person will know someone else there. However,if everyone else is bringing a plus one except a few single guys they will be limited on who they can really "mingle" with, especially at a small wedding.

We gave all of our guests a plus one, some used it some didn't, but everyone appreciated having the option.

It would be 3-4 single guys (out of ~6 of FH invited guy friends) not getting a plus one. However, I am pretty sure all of my girl friends would be getting a plus 1, so compared to the whole wedding, they may feel left out.

I do want all the guests to be happy and have the chance to bring a loved one, but I don't really think our intimate wedding is the appropriate time and place to be bringing a random date around..

I personally think having a limited number of plus 1s is fine, I plan to do the same thing. I don't like the idea of having a complete stranger at my wedding! We have about 130 guests, adding extras really adds up $$$! A lot of the single people we have invited will know at least a few others so they will have people to mingle with.

I would say, in this particular situation, where there are only about 4 people that wouldd't have a date, go ahead and give in and put a plus 1. Since everyone except these 4 would be paired off, they wouldn't have the normal chance to mingle with any single ladies.

The single guys will know about half of the wedding, so I think they will be fine mingling. It definitely adds into costs, and we are having a really intimate wedding, so it would be really weird to now know someone there. I will have to talk to my FH to see how he feels about this.

Note: One of the single guys will be the best man. I am worried it will be too rude to not extend him a plus one. Thoughts?

I think if you don't want the plus 1 there, don't put it there. Most likely these guys will know each other and other people at the wedding. And while they might not have anyone to dance with during the slow music, at most other times during the night they will be surrounded by other familiy and friends just partying like everyone else!

I say it's your wedding, do what makes you happy!

I think it's apples and oranges to compare an open "plus one" to inviting someone's long term significant other or spouse. So I wouldn't worry about that.

I think Sami makes a good point - are these friends of FH's friends with each other? Are they all guys? Do your friends and FH's friends know each other and would they be able to have a good time all mingling and dancing together, or all the couples really "couple-y"? I know at our wedding, some people came without dates but honestly they were on the dance floor more than anyone, and everybody was hanging out in groups so nobody looked like third wheels.

I totally see your point about not wanting randoms with such a small guest list though and you definitely do not have to give truly single people an open plus one. I would just make sure there's room in case any of them do get into relationships in the meantime.

I would give them a plus 1. I had a few random plus 1s at our wedding (smallish- 70 people) that I had never met before.

One of my close friends just started dating a guy a couple months before and brought him. I think he might have been one of the people that I actually ended having the one of longest 1-on-1 conversations with.

My little 16 year old second cousin wanted to bring his girlfriend. We had a couple last minute cancelations due to family emergencies, so we let him bring her. It had no affect on our wedding.

Just give him a plus 1. If they aren't in serious relationship during your wedding, they might not even use it. We had a few of those at ours that even though we invited them with a guest (knowing they were single), they responded for only themselves.

I also think I am selfish about this. I am friends with these guys, but my FH obviously cares about them more than I do, since he is closest with them. I have the "they can get over it" mentality.

I would feel kind bad if they felt left out during the slow songs etc, but it's not my fault that they aren't in a serious relationship (I know that's rude to say, but it's how I feel).

Most people do it exactly the way you said: married, engaged or in a LT relationship get plus 1. Otherwise, no. Particularly if those people know other people at the wedding.

We had almost an exact same situation. We had 45 people and I think about 5 were without plus 1. It was fine. Our venue was pricey per person so we had no intention of paying for people we don't know.

And I don't think the fact that one is a BM matters. Especially for such a small wedding, I think everyone should be treated the same way.

Most people who are not married will bring a plus one to have someone to talk to. HIs friends may feel more uncomfortable and stand out more because they are by themselves. You don't have to do this, but I would offer the opportunity to bring a plus one and if it doesn't bother them they may show up alone anyway.

Everyones input has been so helpful!! Thanks for everyone who has responded so far

It's definitely something my FH and I will have to decide together. Although we would love for everyone to be able to bring someone, it's out of our control that some of his single friends will just end up bringing a random person that we don't know. It's a toss up.

Sorry for the duplicate posting, my head is all over the place today....

I don't think the fact that you may not know them is really the point. Two of our friends from CO got into serious relationships since we moved, and I met their boyfriends at our wedding. It wouldn't have been right to not invite them just b/c I didn't know them.

I think in your case it's not about whether you will know their dates, it's about whether or not as singles they should be allowed to bring whomever they want. Etiquette says you don't have to extend that to them, but only you and FH can decide together what you want to do in your situation.

Krisalicious- I definitely see your point. Rethinking what I said, I guess it's not that we wouldn't know them, it's more of the fact that they would be bringing someone just to bring someone, and this person would not really be significant to them. Does that make sense? I don't like the idea of that.

Actually, one of the FH friends just got engaged very quickly to someone neither of us has met, however, since they are engaged and will (hopefully) be a part of each others lives forever, I don't see a problem at all having her at the wedding, regardless of how well we know her at the time we marry.

Right, but it is about a random person - in your and their lives.

Thanks everyone!

If you want to keep it small than I wouldn't offer them. FH and I offered a Plus 1 to any single person invited because neither of us ever liked going to a wedding alone.

I don't see any issue with people being allowed to bring random plus ones. They're not going to be in your formal pictures and your friends won't feel left out or awkward being there by themselves. Even if they know a bunch of other people, it really sucks to go to a wedding alone.

My opinion is, if it's in your budget, let your friends bring a date. They will really appreciate it.

Kristin what you're saying totally makes sense. Your post is WAY different from something like, "Hey do I have to invite so-and-so's boyfriend? I don't know him."

I think there are pros and cons either way. You're definitely not obligated to give them an open plus one. I guess if it were me, I would decide based on the personality of those guys - will they have a good time without dates, or will they feel left out? And who are they likely to REALLY bring? We gave everybody a plus one and most of our TRULY single friends didn't bring anybody anyway.

Good luck! A small intimate wedding sounds really, really nice.