Plus One Rules?

We invited all significant others at the time invitations went out. So if someone was in an established relationship when the invites went out we addressed it to both people. I don’t really like arbitrary rules or judging someone’s relationship by length. I thought if someone is coming to celebrate our relationship then theirs should be acknowledged as well.

Plus ones are for truly single guests and are completely optional. Anyone in a relationship at the time invites are going out should have their partner invited by name. Other than candids of dancing or whatever, you probably won't have these people in your wedding photos. You don't need them in your posed photos. Most people understand that, as the new boyfriend/girlfriend, they don't appear in the posed family shots.

Of course you have to do what is right for you, but these are my thoughts. I let everyone bring someone. I think it’s none of my business how long someone has been dating. Even for single people I let them bring someone whether I knew them or not. It could have been a friend instead of an SO. Many chose not to and that’s fine, but I wanted people happy and smiling and comfortable. I cannot stand going to a wedding alone. I understand only wanting to spend money on people you know, but I didn’t have a huge guest list and was happy to do what I could to make a fun event for everyone. I took a few portrait photos with family/long term SOs only during the cocktail hour so I’d have something for my mantel just in case it didn’t work. But to me wedding photos are capturing a moment in time and if that’s who they’re dating at that time, I didn’t mind them being in my photos.

The invite should still be extended the significant other in any relationship. The same thing could happen with married couples as well. They could get get separated or get a divorce so definitely don't base someone's relationship on longevity. Plus ones are for single guests and aren't mandatory. You can just let them know that you are unable to accommodate a plus one due to venue limitations or intimate event or something like that. You also don't necessarily need to feel like you have to include them in your photos.

There were some people who got a boyfriend or girlfriend after invites came out so I didn’t give them one or let them bring them cause at that point had no room.

A spouse/significant other is an automatic invite and not a plus one.


Most people do not want to pay extra for random strangers, nor can they afford to alot of the time. It's an all or nothing thing where it applies to all single guests or none at all.
Inviting a plus one assumes that your single guest will not know any other person and therefore can't enjoy themselves without their date. 9 times out of 10 the plus one doesn't care about the couple and is just there for the free party.
You have to put your foot down because you are paying the bill. Plus it is rude to ask the bride and groom if they can bring anyone as a date.
That said, we are not planning to have plus ones for multiple reasons. Everyone in attendance will know someone else there, additional random guests are expensive, and you're never going to see them again, especially if you want something intimate.

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Well actually a significant other isn’t an automatic invite for us if we have never even met them before.

View Quoted Comment Whether you have met or not is irrelevant since etiquette says they need to be invited as one group. But you don't invite flavors of the week.

While it's not true for everyone, many people say they will not attend an event if their significant other is not invited.

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You have "close family and close friends" with significant others you have not met? If this is because they live far away and you have not had the chance to meet them in person, they should still be invited, as they are a social unit if they are in a serious relationship. I don't think I would attend if, as a close friend or close family member. you didn't feel it necessary to include my significant other in your celebration.

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Well some live out of town. And what do you consider a serious relationship? Because like I said I have some people that are on their 3-4th “serious relationship” just within this year. I actually don’t even remember some of their names at this point. I don’t see how it’s fair that I have to accommodate all of that.

It's very rude and disrespectful to judge the importance of someone else's relationship. Regardless of whether they have been together a month or a year or 10 years, if you've met them or not, a couple is one social unit and invitations go to social units. Plus ones are for truly single guests.

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I literally said “I know the length of a relationship doesn’t mean it’s not going to last but I’m just not a fan of having someone they’re casually dating or have been dating for 5 minutes be at my wedding and especially because we want it small and intimate.” I’m not talking about the importance of anyone’s relationship, I’m saying if I do not know you, if I have never even met you, I’m not sure if I’ll be extending an invitation. Like I said I have people who are on their 3-4th relationship within a year and I don’t even remember some of their names. Why should I have to accommodate that?

As others have pointed out, the term "plus one" is when you would legitimately write "Ms. Jane Smith and Guest" on someone's invitation. They are for *truly single* people, and they're not required (though there are a few situations where it'd be especially good to give someone the option to bring a date).

Significant others should all be invited by name on the invitation. You don't get to decide how serious someone's relationship is. Don't ask people to come and celebrate your relationship if you're not acknowledging theirs.

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I don't think there's a time limit to a "serious relationship," I also think it depends on the person. I think I would forgo inviting the 3rd or 4th serious relationship this year, lol! By the time the wedding rolls around they could be on their 7th or 8th serious relationship. But, if you have someone that has been seriously seeing someone for several months, and isn't the type to move along as quickly, I'd consider inviting them if space allows. I think that's your judgement call. Anyone who has been together for more than 6 months when the invites go out, I'd invite both of them.

Of course, considering the circumstances right now with Covid-19, you have a "out" to blame not inviting someone if that's what you decide.

"And why should I have to accommodate people I don’t even know when we said several times that our wedding will be small and intimate."

...Because they're important to your loved ones. You having not met them doesn't mean they don't exist/aren't important to the people that are important to you. Picking and choosing who gets to bring their significant other *is* judging the seriousness of someone's relationship. In fact, "within just a year there have been 3-5 relationships" is judging their relationships, too. If you don't know if they have a significant other/don't know their name, ask them.

Having a small/intimate wedding is more than fine. Cut your guest list down to your nearest and dearest, account for their significant others, and bam. A good friend of mine had a 14-person wedding doing this--it's quite do-able.

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Okay then.

Your wedding date is over a year away. It's way too early to decide who's SO's or plus one's to invite. That is plenty of time for you to meet the SO's you haven't yet met or for people to get married or enter into serious relationships. The final guest list shouldn't be decided until invitations go out around 8-12 weeks prior to the wedding. Until then, account for the possibility of all guests who are currently not married or engaged to have a serious SO by the time your wedding takes place.

View Quoted Comment You made a lot of great points. I’m considering them. Thank you.

Plus ones were SO hard for me, honestly. And I think I made it way harder than it needed to be. Originally, the plan was that people only got a +1 if they were engaged or married at the time the Save the Dates went out. Oh, and wedding party/parents automatically got a +1 as well (both sets of parents are divorced and only 1 of them is remarried).

Is that how it all worked out? Absolutely NOT. I gave out about a handful of +1's that I didn't intend on giving out.

Really, it was a more of a "I don't want to goddamn argue with anyone right now so screw it" type situation. It's up to each person and what you want to go to battle over.

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It should be.