Plus one Rant

We did that because we are having a very small wedding, 45 pple, only those we are extremely close to. Plus we don't have room in our budget for the extra people.

I feel it was rather rude of them. I suggest having your FH talk to his sister about your +1 policy. If they were okay with it at the start, they should know that a NEW boyfriend wouldn't be invited.

You should have only the ones you and your FH want at your wedding, no extras.

I know you have to draw the line somewhere, but agree with Erin that maybe where you've drawn it is a little arbitrary. FH will not have been together two years when we get married. Plus how do you "police" that rule? I know roughly how long my friends have been with their partners, but couldn't say specifically whether it is over or under two years to the day/week/month.

Anyway, that is not what you were ranting about, so my view on that is irrelevant!

I do think it was very rude of your FSIL to put you in such an awkward position, which she blatantly did on purpose just to get her way. I don't know how you can get out of it now either without coming off as the bad guy. Sorry she did that to you!

You're insulted? I'm sure they were insulted too. Let them bring their boyfriends/girlfriends.

I'm on the fence with this one. I didn't give my nephew a plus one even though he's in the wedding and 23. Brides on here called me on it and thought that was terrible. He told me he wasn't dating anyone; why would we allow him to bring 'catch of the week'? Dude is in his 20s. So then he asked to bring a female "friend" whom I've met before and that's fine but I kind of resent it. He also implied that the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner would be an inconvenience to him because it's that female friend's 21st birthday. The list of BS with plus ones does not end here...but I will not elaborate.

So you know what? Here's my position and I think you have a right to say (or merely think this) as well: You're lucky you're invited. You're lucky you're in the wedding party. Nobody owes you anything. If you don't like our decision, don't attend. Keep your opinions to yourselves because your opinion isn't the only one shared and you are adding STRESS and PRESSURE to the bride and groom. So shut up.

If you think I'm being bitchy or this position offends you (I'd have been a bit taken aback six months ago if someone had written this) so be it, but I am a bride who is fed the F up with people and their demands. Tell FH's sister to F off ... or tell her it's great that she has a date and secretly resent it (that's probably the best approach) but your outrage is JUSTIFIED. You have EVERY RIGHT TO BE OFFENDED.

For all the other people who are reasonable, just wait. And check out my other post.

Well, all of our older guest like you Jemma and Erin are invited as a couple, and all people in serious relationships were invited like that. Because it is such a small wedding we know everyone and everyone's partner, if we haven't heard of them and didn't invite them together they probably just got together. It's was mainly put in place for our younger guests, we have 14 guests through the ages of 13-18 at our wedding(including my FH sister). We just didn't feel like inviting 14 more "flavor of the weeks" if you understand my drift.

Thank you LivelyBride

Yes, it's generally considered impolite to not allow an adult guest to bring an established significant other to a wedding (a true "plus one" is a friend or random date).

But when someone is impolite to you, that is no excuse to be a doink right back at them. The FIL's are in the wrong here. It is rude to ask if you are invited to an event. It is rude to put someone on the spot that way, and to add someone to an RSVP.

However, you should never discuss an event in a group of people where not all of them are invited. If the subject of the wedding comes up when there are non-invitees present, for the love of kittens change the subject before you can be cornered or put on the spot about anything!

Some people say "no ring, no bring". Make your own rules, Nicole!

I think it was rude of her to ask you in front of her new bf, if she wanted to ask, she should have approached it in private. I'm torn on the whole plus one thing. I do think that certain people should be allowed to invite their boyfriends or girlfriends but that almost doubles your guest list and honestly, who wants people at their wedding that they don't know (or in some cases, people they don't like)? That's weird. A few days ago, FH's cousin texted me and asked when the wedding was and he was like oh good, I have a lot of time to find a date... and my initial thought was I don't want people there that I don't know. It's not like his whole family won't be there and he will know pretty much everyone there. But where do you draw the line? How do you choose who can or who can't bring a plus one.

I love that -- "no ring, no bring" - awesome!

No ring, no bring is a ridiculous rule of thumb. My MIL has been with her boyfriend for 15 years. Does that mean he is not invited to a wedding because neither of them want to be legally married? Use common sense and stick to your guns.

@Shannon - For the love of kittens... LOL!

Yes, it was quite rude of them to corner you like that. I still think it's difficult to put relationship time limits on how long people have been together, with the exception of the teen scene. Most adults aren't just bringing someone that came in off the street.

In my opinion your FiL's was out of line to ask yall in front of him in the first place. I do however think ur sister who is in the bridal party should be able to being a date.

I understand ppl dont want to add and 1 bec they dont know the person. But what ppl should think about is it will be ppl there that either of u might not know. Im sure u wont know everyone on your FH list and vice versa. Im going to agree with some of the others ppl shouldnt judge someone relationship.

Im doing plus ones bec im not paying for each person. Now if they dont have a bf/gf i might not give them one for i can add someone else to the list.

Just do what u want bec it is your wedding. Next time though if put in that situation just so no.

No ring, no bring....I like that..lol

They were being sneaky by asking you in front of him. I don't know why everyone gets all hype about bringing boyfriends. You said no plus ones. Done and Done.

You got backed in a corner by a teenager. lol

You should have spoke up right then and there. Now, nothing you can do what's done is done.

I thought the established etiquette was just "if they're in a serious relationship"(I'm talking like not a 2-month fling from a person who's always in-and-out of relationships) and then obviously if married. Of course, we are the ones planning and paying for our weddings, so we have to decide what's best for ourselves.

That being said, I am not giving plus ones to anyone except for my sister (the only BM who is single). Beyond that, if you're married or in a committed relationship , then I'll be putting your SO's name on the inviation. If we gave single people plus ones, we'd be adding a good 50-60 people to our guest list. Just can't do it.

Is it ever OK to put something like this on the invitation?: "We regret that at this time, due to venue restrictions, we are not able to accommodate [a date?][guests not listed on invitation?]" I'm not sure how to word it, but there are a lot of people on our guest list that I've never met (FIL's friends, FH's extended out-of-town family, etc.) and I want to eliminate any possible confusion. Maybe "Respectfully, only named guests are invited at this time"

It's true that they asked in front of him (and already had the card prepared) because they wanted to catch you off guard and ensure a "yes" which is extra manipulative. I think you have to file it away as "ok, so this is how they act...ahem" and try to get over it. But yeah, I think you have every right to be offended.

In the future, you'll have to stand up to the manipulations because that is how they operate. For now, FSIL won the battle. But she also showed her colors and next time have an answer prepared that is vague...like "We should definitely consider that" and change the subject.

Growing thick skin applies to in laws as well, not just to the forums. Your in laws now know they can push you over. Take this is as a lesson learned on how they act and behave to try and get their way.

We put everyone's individual names on the invites like:

Marred: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Non married couples: John Smith and Sally Sims

Families: John, Kim, Harley, and Hailey Runion.

We only had a few people that were unmarried and over the age of 18, and they were my really close friends. I just asked them if it would be alright with them if they didn't bring an RSVP. All of them said they were completely fine with that, because they all know each other anyway. The only way I could come up with doing it was just listing out each individual person on the envelope, then just spread the no plus one thing around by word of mouth. Talking to someone personally comes off better most of the time than having it printed somewhere. Nobody misunderstood, and the people that absolutely had to have their plus one got them.

Hence why I was so insulted by this, I had previously asked them if our policy was ok with them and they said it was fine. Then they all called me out in front of the guy. If they had brought it to me personally it would have been a different situation.