Planning a "wedding" when already married

What do you envision for your vow renewal? Are you recreating an entire ceremony?

Sometimes it actually cheaper to tell vendors that it's a "private party" or something along those lines. If you want to use the WW tools then by all means, they're a great asset and can keep you organized! Just because it isn't a "wedding" doesn't mean you can't use the tools available to you.

Yeah, it's cheaper to say it's a party. But you won't get the same treatment/service you would for a wedding. You just won't. People are going to put more effort into a bride's big day than they are someone's 50th birthday party. Also vendors *hate* when you do this. Especially when they go to deliver the flowers or cake or whatever and they see, oh this is actually a wedding.

So - if you have a ceremony, it's a wedding and I'd ask for wedding prices. If you're just having a reception, so just the party - then it's just that. A party.

Every vendor has asked me if we will already be married before the wedding (military couple, so I guess it's the norm) and if it's a secret. They seem to think that the only people who NEED to know (if it's a secret) are the photographer and the coordinator. That way they can diffuse situations like "Oh it would be so nice to get a picture of them signing the certificate!"

@Amanda, I guess that's true. I didn't consider that it would be a full-blown ceremony. I can imagine how that would be awkward for the vendor! haha

I agree with @Amanda's advice! You should change your avatar- it will help you get more responses! The rings are associated with spam/trolls.

I think @AmandaJeffrey221 said it perfectly.

Tell them that it's either for a wedding or for a vow renewal, whatever you feel comfortable with. The biggest thing that people have qualms about is not letting the guests know. Vendors are most likely going to treat a wedding and a "vow renewal" as the same.

Congratulations on your wedding and marriage! Your renewal should be explained to vendors and guests alike. Happy planning.

I'm doing the exact same thing and I'm planning it as if it is a wedding, because to us, it is the big public celebration of our marriage. Our officiant (who is also a friend) knows as well as our wedding party and parents know we are already married. I've mentioned it to a couple vendors, but it doesn't change anything.

Can I ask others why they think there is such an issue not telling people?

@Morgan a lot of people have an issue with the idea of lying to your family and friends at the start of your marriage. It's considered insulting to lure your guest into what they think is wedding when, in fact, you've been married for some time. It sounds like you've already shared that info so I don't think you're crossing that line.

Chickens???

@AmandaJeffrey I love your avatar!!!!! Also you are right.

@OP - If you were on TK (which I suspect you are), vow renewals are highly frowned upon. They call it a PPD (pretty princess day), but over here, we know everyone has different circumstances and think vow renewals are totally acceptable, as long as you tell people it's a vow renewal. It can cause a lot of hurt feelings if people find out later that the couple who's wedding they already went to were already legally married. That doesn't make your day less special, because there is also something special about making public vows in front of your friends in family.

Really? People get their feelings hurt? Man, I wouldn't care one bit if I went to a friends wedding and found out later they had already been married. Either way, we aren't telling everyone, just certain people..

If you wouldn't care, why wouldn't you just tell people in the first place...?

Second vote for chickens.

ETA- OP what are you even asking? If you're not telling the truth to your family/friends, why tell the truth to the vendors? You don't request wedding pricing. You pick vendors and they have a price. What are you saying? Hi! Come photograph my wedding, but technically it's not a wedding since we're already married- give us a discount!! If you are planning a ceremony, reception, etc... then use whatever tools you want. I didn't use any of WW tools and still managed to get married.

I'm usually upset when I'm lied to. Wedding, marriage or otherwise. Most people are too, that is why you shouldn't lie.

@e= there is a cider & ale fest at the arboretum this weekend, I remember you saying something about my post on the last one

Wow, thank you for all the quick, positive replies!

@Nicole - Yes, I was on TK and it was insulting that people wanted to reduce the celebration of my marriage to a "pretty princess day". I've noticed much more supportive responses on WW, which is why I asked this here

We do not intend to keep our marriage from anyone, so I am not worried about keeping it a secret. I just wasn't sure if vendors would be offended or not want to work with us because we are already married or something. I am just so new to this whole wedding thing. I have only attended two very small weddings in my life!

Yeah don't get @Morgan confused with OP. OP is trying to follow etiquette.

@Bel my original question was to see what you needed from your vendors. I would tell them it is a vow renewal and tell them specifics about your day, just like we all did for our weddings.

@Bel Don't worry about offending vendors. If they have something against helping you celebrate a marriage because it *technically* isn't a real wedding, then you don't want to work with them anyways. I would, however, just be honest and call it a vow renewal.

Well then welcome to WW, Bel! There have been quite a few vow renewal brides on here just like you.

The vendors won't be offended by what ever you call your event. I would tell them it's a vow renewal some vendors may charge different prices because it's a vow renewal. When I was searching for officiants I notice their vow renewal prices was cheaper than their wedding prices. I'm assuming because there isn't any paperwork to mail in. I'm not sure. It's just something I notice.