Planning a "wedding" when already married

1. Don't listen to wheninlove. Or anyone else. You're not "lying" to anyone. Your wedding is a celebration. In many countries, you have to do a legal wedding before you do any type of celebration.

Do whatever you want, but tell your parents, if they don't know already. We've done dozens of these and no one cares it this is THE DAY you got legal or the day you celebrated with them.

Tell your vendors; we function better when we know what's going on.

Im planning my vow renewal. If you need any advice let me know.

Ah thanks Emmy!! I'll definitely have to go!!

First of all, congratulations on your wedding! =) Second, I think you can have as big of a ceremony and reception as you want, as long as you just explain to everyone that it will be a vow renewal! Other than that, you can do everything just as if you were planning a wedding! You should totally get to have the wedding of your dreams!! God bless and happy planning! =)

I think you should still plan this just like a wedding, go all out and have the celebration you want. I think the only vendor this really makes a difference for is the officiant. As for your invitations, maybe you can refer to it as a "celebration of marriage" or something like that, if you are feeling iffy about the phrase "vow renewal." But I wouldn't hide the fact that you are legally married. You can probably explain this via word of mouth and your website...I'm not sure how people typically handle this. Either way, I'm sure your loved ones will be happy to celebrate with you.

I have officiated many re-enactments and vow renewals. I need to know ahead of time, but other vendors don't (although an anniversary party or vow renewal MAY be less expensive than a wedding).

If I'm the only person who knows the couple is already married, I beat a hasty retreat after the ceremony so no one can quiz me.

As long as you're not keeping the fact that you're legally married from everyone, I don't think it matter what you call it. My brother and his wife got married 6 months before their actual wedding because their wedding wouldn't have been recognized in the US. (They were married in Playa del Carmen, Mexico). They told people and no one cared. One of my friends and her husband were married for insurance purposes 1 year before their ceremony. Again... No one cared. Friends and family will understand if you have legitimate reasons for legally getting married before the actual ceremony. The only thing I don't agree with us when people get married because they can't afford the wedding of their dreams, then come back later when they do and say, "Ok.... Now we're REALLY getting married." um. No. I would have married Ian over 17 months ago if that was kosher.

It's no one's damn business what you did when or why. I, of course, need to know, but no one else does.

I don't know who all these people are who allegedly give this much of a fuck about someone else's license. I have never experienced this from groups of guests.

Morgan....so you're going to go through the next year lying to people about being married? It speaks of your character. You would become a ridiculous person to me after I found out and I'd wonder at the drama of your doing it. Just say you were married and are having a celebration. Otherwise, you should have waited.

It was always in the plan to get married before my actual planned wedding due to the fact that I was getting married out of state and wanted to be legally married in my home state. So that is what we did. We got married at City Hall with limited family and friend and are having a full blown out wedding on our 1 year anniversary. We decided to keep it a secret and reveal it at the big wedding. The big wedding will be just as sentimental as our city hall nuptials and it will be the first time we actually exchange rings.

For many reasons couples don't have a big wedding right away, so don't second guess your decision on making that choice. As for the vendor dilemma, I would be upfront with them about the situation. If you are going all out ceremony and all then consider it a wedding. The last thing you want to do is upset your vendors by telling them you are having just a party rather than a full out wedding celebration. Services do vary for a wedding versus a party and most likely you will want that special attention to detail for your wedding that you wouldn't normally get with another event.

Same people who give a fuck about cash bars, dry weddings, and honeyfunds.

You don't have to get married on the day of and people won't care the wedding they attend isn't the legal one. But there is no reason to deliberately hide it, and you will be side stepping it and lying to people about it. Which is pointless. But to each there own.

If you get married before the "wedding," why hide it? Are you embarrassed? Ashamed? Worried people won't take your "wedding" seriously?

I haven't read every comment but I think it's ridiculous for people to shame others for getting married and then having their party. My husband and I got married 7/2014 and are "renewing our vows/ having our wedding party" 7/2016. I would absolutely treat it as a wedding party!

Wow....such passionate responses. I agree with everyone who says "who cares" what people think. A friend of mine got married an ENTIRE year before her actual wedding and only her family knew. I was told a couple months later. And I was IN the wedding and I didn't care at all. It's nobody's business WHEN you get married. And those who are that in their feelings about it, need to grow up.

Cash bars, dry weddings and honey funds have zero to do with this discussion.

Hi Nancy! I wanted to ask more about this. What do you call someone who 'officiates' or is a 'celebrant' without having to be legally certified to do so? We are doing what you'd call a 're-enactment' as we have been privately legally married, but will have our wedding next month. I'd like to communicate this with our good friend whom we've enlisted as our 'officiant', and to make sure the wording is in line with this.