Planning a wedding but already married

View Quoted Comment Exactly, I completely agree with you.
OP: It IS a cultural thing.

We’re secretly getting married this week and not telling anybody then doing our wedding next year

View Quoted Comment Dania I agree with you 💯 percent. Your replies made me smile.

DO IT!! We are doing the same thing July 13th after being married for 7 years but never had a “wedding” and I felt the same way. BUT you are making precious memories for your friends and family as well as yourself!! You will find people are do this all the time! It’s your “marriage ceremony” /“ commitment ceremony”. We are going all out as if it was the day we signed the papers!! I was nervous at first but now I’m having a blast planning! And all my friends and family are thanking me for doing it because they felt like they missed out on something special by my not having a wedding to begin with!! Do it and enjoy every second!

Take thinking about it with a grain of salt and if its wit in your budget then go ahead do the wedding its never to late.

I get that it might be hurtful that they might not prioritize your event, but does that ethically justify having them attend under false pretences? There have been so many posts about this, and it never goes as well as the wedding couple expects when people find out they've been deceived about it.

It's really made me believe that authenticity is the way to go. It's OK to celebrate your relationship, even if you're already married. It's not OK to make people believe you're still single.

Again, I did not say it's wrong to have an event to celebrate your recent marriage. The false pretences used to ensure people attend is where I personally have ethical difficulties, as it seems like a manipulation of the truth that may hurt people if it came out.

Congrats on your marriage!!

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Jacks,

The aspect that might not be an issue is that the relatives ignorant about their actual married status do not appear to be the closest relatives anyhow. So there is nothing lost here by them showing up on incomplete information.

On the other hand, the plan was to get married at the later date. Quite bad that life could not go as planned.

View Quoted Comment What people don’t realize or care about in these situations when they choose to not mention that they are already married is that the officiant/clergy will permanently lose their ability to perform weddings moving forward on the grounds of fraud, which is a major felony, when they go to file the paperwork with the county. Because you cannot have more than one license/certificate on file as a legal document without a divorce decree taking place in between. Have you talked to your minister and made him aware of your situation? Countless officiants will offer a blessing without the legal paperwork to be filed if and when you are transparent with them. Unfortunately people choose not to share important details and later are surprised at the repercussions.

View Quoted Comment Not necessarily true. People lie to their parents, siblings, close friends, and so on who they say they are closer to than anyone about being already married under the pretense of “it doesn’t matter” and they wonder why those people are hurt when the truth comes out. Why is honesty such a taboo? People will be respected a lot more when they are honest, and we have seen many families and friend groups that were irreparably not the same after the couples told people that they were not legally married prior to the renewal and in a couple situations it came out at the reception which didn’t end well.

View Quoted Comment Do you understand what a marriage license is? You have to have a license to get married showing you are to be married within the state laws 6 month timeframe of already married….😂

Listen hun i got attacked for this too and my response. Do it. Not everyone is entitled to the privacy of your life. If they feel like every detail is their business they’re likely unhealthy and toxic…i understand telling a few close people but not everyone of you eloped. Classier families may find this trashy we don’t think everyone is privy to that knowledge and they just are not.

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Duh I know we cannot have more than one certificate etc im not dumb as i'm sure many others aren't as well with "situations" like ours . Like I said, my minister required our marriage certificate in order to perform our religious ceremony or as you call it a blessing. I've been VERY clear with my minister so i'm not categorized with "people" and there will be no "repercussions" or "surprises" lol. Different cultures do things differently. The way that you may not do something or would at your wedding are ways that other people would do or wouldnt at theirs.

View Quoted Comment This makes no sense. A license is simply a requirement for getting married. It doesn’t make you married.

View Quoted Comment So just because someone isn’t a VIP guest that makes it OK to lie and misrepresent the nature of an event they are being invited to attend, often with great effort and expense. I don’t think so.

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OMG that is so wrong. Wow.