Plan & Do it your way

I disagree with all of that.

Your wedding day is not longer "your day" when you involve other people, and particularly when their money is involved. Doing things your way is fine as long as you don't encroach on the needs and feelings of your guests.

Committing financially is not something that a wedding party needs to do. A place in your wedding party is your chance to honour someone close to you in your life, not the other way around. The only thing a wedding party member needs to do is purchase their attire for the day, within a previously agreed upon budget.

Please re-think your stance on this entirely, before you start alienating people in your life.

I agree that communication is key, but I disagree on the rest. I chose my bridesmaids based on the people I love most and want there with me. I’ve made decisions I want, but I’ve also tried to choose things that won’t break the bank and be too dictatorial. I’ve been a bridesmaid a bunch of times, and the brides I wanted to go above and beyond for were the ones who weren’t demanding everything and remembered that we were actually friends.


Also, it’s not just MY wedding. It’s my fiancé’s too. It’s not a wedding, it’s the start of our marriage. I’d hate to start it by ignoring what matters to him.

View Quoted Comment Oh no i never mentioned excluding my husband - he counted in everything! i would never ever say exclude a husband. A budget def should be discussed- Every experience for every bride is different. We did things super elegant but when it came to price - all our girls spent was 89 for dress & 60 for converses and their makeup- i paid for everything else - my own shower - jewelry- their bling for sneakers and all personalizations. i do not think a bride/groom should have any drama - when u accept the role- it comes w spending.

View Quoted Comment I will respectfully disagree. When accepting the role of WP, it doesn’t have to come with the expectation of spending. It is quite common for couples to pay for everything. I’ve been a BM or MOH over 20 times, and I’ve never had to pay for hair or makeup services, and I’ve only had to purchase my own dress twice (and both times we were just given a color and could choose our own dress within that color).

View Quoted Comment You said several times it’s YOUR day and things should be YOUR way, so yeah, you did. You’re just rehashing all the same arguments from your other thread after everyone disagreed with you there, and I still disagree. Being a bride does not mean becoming queen. You still have to consider the existence of other people.

I’m not sure what kind of financial commitment your bridesmaids had to agree to or risk being “demoted” to guest, but nothing you say is consistent with a genuine friendship or the honor of being in a bridal party.


While you have some say with respect to the dress, it’s properly with consultation for budget and style so I’m not even sure where this refusal to commit would come in since it sounds as if you paid for everything else, even including things like your shower which were not proper for you to host.
The only financial commitment is to an agreed upon dress. The identical shoes took it too far IMO regardless of the overall costs. Other than that they are only obligated to pay for transportation to the wedding if necessary. Accomodations are traditionally your responsibility if anyone is out of town. A shower, bachelorette etc are optional and voluntary.
I’m not seeing the justification for asking someone to step down, certainly not in your case. To me, that’s a friendship ending move.