Personal attendant

This just sounds so mean. You will not be treating her like a bridesmaid. She won't be in the pictures, or getting her hair and make-up done, won't wear the dress, and won't stand up there with you. She has to hang back and run around while all of this is happening. You want her to help with dresses? What does that even mean? if you have bridesmaids, you guys can zip each other up. That's what bridesmaid do. Not their lowly servant. The DOC is in charge of not forgetting things, so that role is redundant. Basically, this just seems like a way to make someone feel really shitty on your special snowflake day.

#glittercoveredweddingslave

ETA: @Ashley, are you the one who was so rudely asked to be a personal attendant a couple of months ago?

I was once the guestbook hostess. My job was supposed to be before the ceremony starts stands by the guestbook to make sure everyone signs in. (It's usually a job for a close friend that you don't have room for in the bridal party, I've been in several weddings as this. ) Well this particular wedding, Parents of the bride made me in charge of the seating chart and watching the gifts, all telling me this at the reception. I did not enjoy the wedding at all. I felt totally snuffed. To boot, they didn't even give me so much as a thank you card. DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR GUEST, IT'S RUDE!

The justification just made it sound more #glittercoveredweddingslave (@MayBride, exact image popped into my head). Just divide the tasks between BMs and DOC. No reason to make a "not very close friend" really feel like she doesn't mean that much by asking her to do things and then not giving her the credit of being a BM.

If it is a person that you are inviting at all you should invite her SO. I agree that it is very awkward to ask someone to be there for you in the capacity of a BM but not be one.

Based on your updated description, it sounds like you want her to just do 2 small things (dresses and make sure you don't forget anything). The BMs should be able to help each other with the dresses and if you make yourself a list, and ask a BM to help make sure you have everything on said list, there is no reason for a "personal attendant" (which, the name itself sounds horrible, and I would be incredibly offended if anyone asked me to be their attendant). It also seems especially useless because you said you are hiring a DOC. Check your contract, my DOC is responsible for making sure I have everything, providing a day of emergency kit, etc. There really doesn't seem to be a need for someone else to do this.

Yes a personal attendant should not be someone who is a friend or family. This should be someone you hire. No one who is attending your wedding should be working for you that day. They should be enjoying the wedding with you and celebrating your marriage with you. Your bridal party is there to help you the day of the wedding. If you want someone to handle more, you should look into a bridal assistant or day of coordinator.

I didnt read every comment, but If I understand correctly, you want a friend (whom you don't want to make a bridesmaid) to do your bidding the day of the wedding? You don't see how this is insulting and rude?

"I guess I want someone as a bridesmaid that isn't?"

Why not ask your bridesmaids to do those things? Note I said ask and not expect

OP be like

I see you aren't wanting them to do a lot but it's still a crappy ask. Would you do the same for her? Like honestly consider it, I bet you wouldn't.

Your bridal party are your attendants, which is entirely different from a Day of Coordinator. Your BM's spend the time getting ready with you and helping you with the LITTLE things. Between you and the BM's you should be able to handle remembering those little things. You don't need someone to wait on you or chase after you picking up from behind.

Pamper me princess.

Wow, I am really tired of reading all the negativity associated with personal attendants. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking someone to be a personal attendant and it IS an honor as long as you treat them like it is! Yes, if you treat them like a slave that is wrong. If you want someone to run around while you scream orders at them then no, you should not ask a friend or family member for that. I will be asking one of my family’s close friends who has been like an aunt to me and my siblings since I was little. My sister asked her to be her personal attendant when she got married 4 years ago, and it was a lovely experience for everyone. My sister didn’t yell at her or ask her to run a million errands or do anything outrageous. She was there as a personal attendant to share in the specialness of the day and she wanted to help my sister with little things she might need. For example, my niece and brother-in-law’s niece were flower girls but they were too young to walk, so they had them in a wagon to be pulled down the aisle by one of their older brothers. So the personal attendant did an amazing job writing calligraphy on the wagon and made it look beautiful. She helped my sister get into her dress and it was a special moment for them because like I said, she has been there for us since we were little. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with a personal attendant as long as you do it the right way and make it special instead of making them your slave!!!! The point is you can’t blanket this and say that being asked to be a personal attendant is always an insult and is terrible just because some people made their poor friend feel that way in their wedding. Not everyone is like that.

View Quoted Comment Why not just have her as a bridesmaid then?

I don't agree with all of these people saying you shouldn't have a personal attendant. A personal attendant is someone special you want to include in the festivities that are wedding planning, but don't want them as a bridesmaid. In my experience, people appreciate being personal attendants as most of them know they wouldn't be a bridesmaid because of your relationship with them. It's a way for them to feel special and help you out prior to, and the day of, your wedding. The people in my life WANT to help and helping me out on my big day does NOT feel like a chore to them. I was the MOH in a wedding last summer and the bride's attendant was a lifesaver. She was so clutch and was GLAD she could help us out in various ways.

As for your original question. I think you should treat her like any other guest (including wedding party). If you are inviting all of your wedding party's family members, then invite hers too. If you know/are close to her family, then invite them. If not, then don't. You shouldn't have to look into the crowd the day of your wedding and not know who people are. If that's the case, I think it's totally OK to invite her and her significant other (if she has one).

View Quoted Comment

Yes, totally agree. A personal attendant is someone who's special to you and someone you want included in the wedding - just not the same way as a bridesmaid.

I don't agree with the idea of a "personal attendant." I'm sorry, I just don't. I would never dream of asking someone to help me with my wedding who wasn't involved in some kind of "position." such as a BM or GM or usher of some kind. Personal attendant sounds like personal assistant and is a job someone should get paid for.